Well I leave tomorrow for a work trip and will be gone for a week. The OMW called me again while I was trying to sleep. She gave me some interesting information that I was able to confirm with D5. I guess this past Wednesday my W had the girls with her while she meet the OM at their work. My D5 in a sleepy daze confirmed this meeting. I also guess that my W is going around telling everyone at her work that we are getting a D. This sh%^ has got to stop. Well I haven't been snooping lately but today I had a real reason to login into Vonage, I had to change the # for network outage rollover. Anyways, I noticed that there was a ton of calls to and from my W work which normally would be out of the ordinary but considering our current situation I expected it.
Well I am going to do my best to have a goodtime on my trip.
I got back from my trip the late Thursday. The more I am apart from my W the worst things seem to get. My W was confronted on her affair and about her lies last night. I admit that I snooped and found letters from the OM to my W that I was able to put a recent timetable on. This proved that the A was still going on unlike the firm statements that my W was saying to the contrary. She says that she won't try to work on our M and the though of me touching her makes her cringe. The affair appears to be stronger then ever. My W is making plans for a new life with the OM. My M is doomed. She said that making plans for a new life was easier then working on the life that she currently has. I love my W but know that I confirmed what is going on I can feel better about being more firm and not let her walk all over me. I am not the monster that she is making me out to be. Why is she doing this?
Protect the children and focus on yourself and them. If she wants to come for the ride then let her. Don't leave the house...you've been here a little while so start arming yourself with GAL activities and think soley on you and your daughters. Your wife may come for the ride or not but you and your children need to focus on your relationships and that's about all you can really do. Don't do anything rash and get armed with information to make good decisions. Watch your finances and make sure she doesn't drain them in a pre-strike but focus on being the best person you can be.
What have you and the kids been up to this weekend?
My DD and I went to a family party yesterday. Nobody knew what was going on but everybody kept asking me what was going on because I was not myself. Today we are going to church and I am thinking about bringing them to the park this afternoon.
As for GAL, softball starts for me in a week. I still have my support from some good friends. I run when I get time.
As for the sitch with my W. This past Friday when I confronted her about the affair I told her that she is not allowed back home until she proves to me that the affair is over. She actually thinks that she can come home tonight, I hope I am not overreacting but she will not be able to get in. As for the money, I plan on getting an account opened in my name and move everything into it. Another thing is if I am going to be driving the girls around more often I need to get a new car. My car is reliable enough for me but not for my girls. I am planning on paying off my W car and then trading mine in for something newer. Now I need a little advice. I can afford to payoff my W car and still afford a new but I learned last night that my W has some money stashed away in her own checking account. What I plan on doing is taking whatever we owe and paying half from my money and then half from hers. Is that wrong? I will tell her about it but probably after I do it.....that might make it wrong.
EMT, Why would you pay off her car? I forget is your W working? If so, she can pay it off. If not, make payments or trade it in on a cheaper car that is free and clear! My W is driving a 9 year old car. I just had to get it fixed as she is not working and takes the kids to school, etc. Otherwise, I will not spend 1 red cent on getting her a new car!
BTW, have you seen a L to find out your rights and obligations in your state. If your W is not working, it is generally in your best interest to get her to start. I have been supporting my W for 10 years, much to her luxury for the past 2 years. I am pretty sure that this will be a huge negative for me if we get a D, because she can claim that she needs time to get retrained, etc.
Start planning for the worst, even while hoping for the best!
SD.
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
She works that is how the A started and how it continues. NO I haven't yet seen a lawyer, but I know now that I probably need to.
As for the car. Even though I am not letting my W stay in our house anymore she is still going to be watching and caring for our kids. We have not thought through all the logistics yet. All I know is that the kids are not leaving the house and neither am I. Back to the car.... I want the kids to have a reliable car, I can care less if she gets stranded on the side of the road. Actually I do care but is so easy to be mean to her rightnow. By me paying her car off I know that the girls will be in a reliable car when they are with my W and that frees up money so that I can get a new car with the same payment ammount.
Well today my W, MIL, Pastor and I meet so that we can actually talk and talk about the actions that I had taken.
I might have already mentioned this but I'll tell it again...
This past Friday night I found the evidence that I needed to prove that the EA was still going on. So at that time I decided that I would not support the A any longer. I packed a bag for my W and put it on the front step with a note. I called one of our pastors who has been supporting me for a while now and asked him to stop by to pray with me - I did not want to be making any rash decisions. Well the Lords timing was different then my own it worked out that he was here when my W walked in the door from work. So we confronted her and at that time I told her that until the A is proven to me to be over she needs to leave the house. We talked for over an hour and my W left to tell the truth to her parents. Well on the way over to her parents house she called the OM and told him it was over and that she couldn't afford to lose her kids over him....
Well I did not see my W this weekend accept a few minutes on Saturday. She called me from her work Sunday night and informed me that she was coming home that night and asked me if it was ok - which I said that it wasn't ok. She called my MIL after are conversation and my MIL then called me. I got a tongue lashing, which was fine, but it was at this point that we setup the meeting this morning at our house. Well the meeting came and went, my W stills feels nothing towards me and I do not sense that changing anytime soon. She clearly understands the actions that I need to see to prove that the A is over(letter to OM and Quiting her job). We all agreed to a seperation of sorts. My W will have the kids all day and then I have them at night while she is living with the ILs. She is still stating that she has ended the affair and realizes that healing for herself will not occur with this tie to the OM. She couldn't say this to me but it was brought up in the conversation that she stated this to my MIL. She is writing the OM a letter indicating that it is over, I will be able to see it and I will have someone I trust hand deliver it to the OM. The cruddy thing is that my W is not willing to quit her job at this time and the OM shift changes this month to coincide with my W. I am now hoping with the A brought into the light some baby steps can take place in our M.
My W has IC in a couple of hours and will be telling her C for the frist time that the affair was still going on. Hopefully the help/advice the C gives my W now is not for the end of our M but that of healing and restoration.
I might have goofed up this weekend, I called and left a message for my W C informing her that the A was still going on. I am worried about this move, I feel I might have caused alot more damage with this then I did good. My W is supposed to talk to her C about MC so that we can work on our communication for the kids. I should know tonight if this occured or not.
My W also said that she has been thinking of leaving for the last year and that the A just exacerbated those feelings. I guess I have been on trial for the last year and did not even know it. Now she wants nothing to do with me and if it wasn't for the kids she would have been off with the OM by now.
I guess the OM served his W with D papers recently, this came out of the meeting this morning. I hate seeing the destruction of M especially when there is children involved. Hopefully with recent events he will think twice about ending his M and try to reconcile with his W. One can only hope.
