Since AmyC is sharing, I thought I would share this e-mail I sent to Kim.
Quote:
Kim,
I know we have discussed our marriage several times over the past weeks. We have been to a total of two marital counseling sessions. At this point, I need to know exactly how you would like to proceed, especially since you have verbalized you do not want to continue counseling.
Since you have clearly stated several times you are not interested in anyone else or having an affair, I would like to return to counseling to see where that leads. I feel given all the time and effort we have put into the last twelve years, we should at least do that. Regardless of where that leads, it would be healthier for both of us in the end.
I realize we have had issues in our marriage. However, I had no idea these even approached issues leading to divorce. I was shocked when you recently told me you were looking for a place to rent near work about three years ago. Why did you not tell me how unhappy you were then? I would have wanted to seek marital counseling immediately to resolve the situation. I would have never wanted you to be at this point. I would have done whatever it took to get our marriage back on track.
I do realize you have been unhappy the past few months. Again, I had no idea these even approached issues leading to divorce. When it become apparent we needed counseling, I set up an appointment. However, by that time, you were not open to working anything out. You just wanted to walk away.
You told our counselor you never thought of going to marital counseling. I find this very odd coming from someone who has followed Dr. Phil's career from Oprah to his own show. His show has dealt with a variety of marital issues facing couples. You have also seen how Bill and Michelle went to counseling during their very stormy period. We also watched a show on couples in turmoil where the counselor watches them and gives them immediate feedback. None of these led you to believe marital counseling could improve our marriage given your unhappiness?
You said I was too late in taking you to counseling. From my perspective, that is not a fair position. If I did not know the severity of the issues, how could I rectify them? The fact you were looking for a place to move about three years ago exemplifies how you failed to clearly communicate your unhappiness to me. It seems the blame squarely falls on me for missing the signs our marriage was in dire straights. Couldn't you have asked me to go to counseling when things starting getting bad?
I feel the vast majority of our issues relate to our communication styles. So many of the issues relate directly back to miscommunication. I personally do not feel there are any showstoppers. With counseling and effort, I feel we can overcome all of these.
You know I love you very deeply. Yet, when I say "I love you" you feel uncomfortable. That seems strange given how many times I have said it previously. Why do you really feel uncomfortable when I express my feelings to you?
You know I am more than willing to go to counseling to resolve our issues. I would put 100% of my effort into making things better. If you do choose to go to counseling with an open heart, I truly feel we could have a bright future together. The choice is yours.
I am now wondering how you would like to proceed. Would you be willing to go to counseling or are you firm in desire to dissolve our marriage? Please carefully consider your response because it effects both our lives.
Yours,
Rich
Yes, my first name is there.... I hope this can help someone.
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Have you listened to one word that I have said? I am not interested in going to counseling. I already gave you my answer and that is that I want to end this. I need for you to realize that it is over and I need to move on. I feel like we keep going in circles. Why don't you listen to me when I say that I need this to be over? Why can't you believe that this is what I want? I know that you don't want it to end but it is not up to you. I have made my decision. I told you what my decision was and then you come back with this email. I give you an answer and it is not what you want to hear so you go back through the same stuff all over again. AHHHHH!!
I know that I have hurt you and I am sorry for that but there is really no easy way to end this. I realize that you may never understand why I need to do this but that does not change the fact that this is what I need to do. I don't wish to, nor will I, rehash all of the things that brought us to this point. We have been over it and over it. At this point I don't think you will ever understand but you do not need to. You just need to accept it. I am just so frustrated at this point...
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Since I did not want you to feel uncomfortable about me sharing this with you in person, I hope you do not mind me doing so via e-mail. Over the past day, I have felt a dramatic difference. It is like a dark cloud over me has changed into a blue sunny sky. Before, I felt like each day and every task was a burden; I had serious concerns about the future. Now, I feel like each day and every task is a challenge I look forward to meeting. I have peace knowing that I am in the Creator’s hand; I know He has many things in store for me – whatever that may be.
I hope you have a great day!
Yours,
Rich
Kim wrote back:
Quote:
I am glad that your outlook has changed. I know that I have made you really miserable and I am sorry for that. I never wanted to be in the place that I am and certainly never wanted to drag you there with me. I am very happy for you and your new outlook.
I hope that you have a fabulous day with lots of sunny skies!
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
AmyC, fun in what way? Any thoughts on those e-mails?
RMG
We come from different sides of the road and I don't know about you but my little stroll down memory lane today sucked.
That post was meant sarcastically.
I had been on a personal mission by resurrecting my past today. I wanted to help my brother-in-law. Wanted to remember the place I was...as if I could forget... My sister is there now.
Little pockets of us here get wrapped up in each other's lives and we form friendships and genuinely care about each other and that makes it hard sometimes to say things that may need to be said, to stear them on a course of 180's, make them understand symptoms and look honestly at themselves...etc, freakin etc...UGH!
But try it with someone you know and love that's standing in your face looking for answers and it becomes a whole new ballgame. It is emotionally unbearable.
Hope your old emails didn't hurt too much or raise up all the anger again.
I'll try to read them closer later.
For the time being, I have had my fill women in crisis.
