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#1020985 04/20/07 02:35 AM
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I started a thread in the newcomers about a week ago but haven't had any responses so I thought I'd try here. I think he may be going through a MLC.

Brief summary: been married for five years tomorrow, told he wanted a divorce in oct 06, having an affair in feb 07. Things seem to be better between us because of my DBing, but is still seeing OW and still wants a D. He is still living at home but says he wants to move out.

My question: my H claims that he is in a pool league and goes to play every Thurs night. My daughter has dance class thurs nights so my parents watch my other 2 children for me. After dance class tonight i ran a few errands so I took a different route to pick up my kids. I saw my H truck at the local bar, I wasn't looking for it i trully believed he was playing pool, but there it was parked at the bar right next to the road for everyone to see(positive it was his). There were too many other cars in the parking lot to see if OW's car was there but I know she wasn't at home, so I bet she was. Should I confront him with this is just pretent I didn't see his truck? He hates lying but that is all he seems to do anymore.


me: 31, H: 32
Together 7 yrs; married 5yrs
D-3, S-2, S-6m
bomb #1: 10/06 (wants divorce)
bomb #2: 2/24/07 (having affair)
my story
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Sweetie,

Of course he's lying. And you're assuming. Both are normal, and both are completely unhelpful.

Sorry.

Just let it go. Confronting him about it makes you the wicked witch. do you really want to be that person? Probably not. Not helpful.

Take care of you, because you deserve it.

hugs

J


JFriendlyOne@yahoo.com
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I decided not to say anything, but he asked me if I saw him (he saw me drive past. Apparently he wasn't lying he just didn't bother to tell me that the pool league meets at different locations each week. The way he talked about it before i thought it was only at the one place. I do think he does still lie about where he is going sometimes. I think in his mind it is an attempt to spare my feeling by not telling me he is with OW. I guess I am starting to detatch cause most of the time I try not to think about where he is just do my thing and take care of the kids. Even last night when I thought he was lying I was upset but not near as bad as I would have been couple mths ago. Actually I think I was more annoyed that upset.

Anyways on to better news, I have an incredible update:
H has been saying (even just last week) that if he would break up with the current OW that he would just find another one. He told me last night that he no longer feels that way. He would now be willing to work on our marriage. He still isn't willing to end his affair says he is love with her. Says he love me but not how a husband should love a wife. Guess I keep DBing and hopefully he will decide the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I think that he finally realized that the changes I have made are to better myself not just an attempt to win him back. Some of them have made him made at the time (H keeps asking why have you done this now and not before)


me: 31, H: 32
Together 7 yrs; married 5yrs
D-3, S-2, S-6m
bomb #1: 10/06 (wants divorce)
bomb #2: 2/24/07 (having affair)
my story
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Becca

It sounds like you are doing well. You are right keep on dbing. Your h will eventually see that the grass is not greener. But it will take time. There can be no marriage restortion before mlc recovery which means the ow has to be the first thing to go. So in the meantime continue to work on you and concentrate on your children.

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part of the train ride Becca...those are verbatum from my H last august......hes still with OW...lives with and D is in process.....he still thinks she is his soulmate....they even lie to themselves sweetie and mass confusion is part of the train ride....my H actually wanted to try MC but wouldnot give up OW so there we have it......another overtaken by aliens......


Me 53
H 51
OW 25
Bomb may 06
left june 8/ 06
ILYBNILWY (twice!)
7/6/07 H wants to come home
7/21/07 H comes home
7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW
now piecing in earnest

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H called me during the day yesterday while at work to see how me and kids where doing. I have found that if i don't call him(which I don't anymore unless I need something) he will call me. He came home really late last night I was already in bed (still awake). Heard him complaining that the front door was locked. If he wants it unlocked when he comes home then he should come home at a decent time. When I go to bed i lock the door don't care if he is home or not.

After he got a shower he came in the bedroom (my room) and layed down and saied "I know your not asleep". I was pretending to be but he probably heard me coughing just can't get rid of this cold. He asked how my day was I said fine, asked him about his day he gave me one of his laughs--which meant it sucked. then he said work was fine. I asked what was wrong with rest of day and he answered you. asked why and h said just because. Then he asked me where I got the card I gave him for it described our situation perfectly. It was our anniversary yesterday-I didn't want to give him a mushy card i found a card that I thought was perfect. I think he liked the card & I think it made him think, hope so anyways.

H then heard son snoring and said he couldn't sleep with that and said goodnight and left to his bed. So i am wondering if he was concidering sleeping in our bed.

He called again today while at work to see how we where doing. said he was going to go out on his boat after work since it was so nice out. Asked if he wanted company, he thought about it for a minute then said, there was still alot of debri in river & didn't want to take chance of living children parentless if something happened.

I'm going to spend the night at my parents so he can have some alone time at home. H seems to be happy about that.


me: 31, H: 32
Together 7 yrs; married 5yrs
D-3, S-2, S-6m
bomb #1: 10/06 (wants divorce)
bomb #2: 2/24/07 (having affair)
my story
Joined: Jan 2006
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Sorry you're here, and sorry that MLC claims yet another younger victim.

he will act like a fool, that has lost his mind

he will do and say things meaner than any human being has done to you (if you have the nasty kind...i do).

resisting this trainwreck is futile. you cannot stop the wreck.

you can get off. you can save yourself and your kids from the crash.

but the train still crashes, with H on it. when, we have no idea.

get off and get on your own train.

read around and you will see all of us transform in this way.

leave it with God.

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Just need to vent"
H is such an inconsiderate a**hole. I spent last night at my parents to give him some alone time. When i came home today he was aready gone (no big surprise). he went out on his boat again. He came home later to cut the grass. then left again to bring people out on his boat. he asked me before he left to take out food because he was going to come back in a few hours and make dinner for all of us. Well, that was 4.5 hours ago, way past dinner time. Doesn't even have the decentcy to call and tell me he isn't going to make dinner anymore, so I can get the kids something without waiting for him. I am so tired of all of his lies. He may mean it at the time but his actions speak so much louder than his words.

H claimed last week he was going to start spending more time with the kids too. (I'll believe that when I see it). It lasted two days. It is so unfair that he gets to go do whatever he wants whenever he wants and I am stuck here with the kids. He needs to grew the hell up and realize he is screwing up his life.

I am so tired of hearing the kids cry that they want daddy to come home and play with them. I am so glad they are still young enough that they don't realize what he is doing. Most of the time I just tell them that he is still at work.

I just needed to vent so I won't blow up at him when he finally does come home tonight. I have made alot of progress with him and I don't want to screw it up. Wish I could just hit him over the head with a 2 x 4 and knock some sense into him.


me: 31, H: 32
Together 7 yrs; married 5yrs
D-3, S-2, S-6m
bomb #1: 10/06 (wants divorce)
bomb #2: 2/24/07 (having affair)
my story
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9
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H finally called. I was calm and didn't say anything bad (glad i got it out here first). h claims boat broke down in the middle of the river and had to be towed back. Don't know if it is the truth or not but I don't care. Since he was stuck there he had no good reason not to call and tell me he wasn't going to make it. I didn't tell him that thought would have made him mad. It's definatly better to keep my mouth shut and just let it go and vent here. I've learned not to expect anything from him.. guess i'm detaching but I wish he wouldn't promise the kids stuff and then not do it. They are too little to understand his excuses and are just hurt by him.


me: 31, H: 32
Together 7 yrs; married 5yrs
D-3, S-2, S-6m
bomb #1: 10/06 (wants divorce)
bomb #2: 2/24/07 (having affair)
my story

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