I've been away from here and busy putting things back together in my life. It's a slow process but it's moving along now. I have had to take a little break from the boards in part because the stories here make me very sad sometimes and I needed to focus on some positive things in order to get in a better frame of mind.
I do not have anything uplifting to report on about H. I do still maintain limited contact with him due to the financial arrangements of our sep. agreement. He does not reach out much anymore to talk to me, nor I him. When I do hear from him, he does not sound happy and I wonder, is he always like that, or is it that talking to me puts him in a very foul mood? I don't ask.
My health is good. I got a new job that I start soon. I'm taking a class at night to learn something new that may be an alternate source of income when I'm through. I spend a lot of time with my family. I'm meeting new people, and yes, even going out on dates sometimes. I never, ever though I would be able to do these things.
I guess to anyone that's new here, I'd like to say that I am sure I know exactly how you feel, because nearly 2 years ago now I was where you are and I did not think I could handle it. I spent a year + hoping, praying that my H would "snap out of it" and come back. He did not. I have to say, the majority of them do not. Yes, some spouses here are fortunate enough to restore their marriages but honestly, most have to move on. I am fairly sure that eventually my sep. will become a divorce. Come this summer, either my H or I can file for that. I know it will be difficult whenever it does happen, but I am not so naive anymore that I can't imagine it happening.
I'm not here to bring anyone's hopes down. I just want to tell those who hurt the most that you can eventually move on from all of this trauma. And that is what it is: life trauma. So I offer you hope that there is a better life situation awaiting you when you're ready for it. It took me a long time.
I am so grateful to those friends I made here; you've pulled me up when I was so far down I thought I would honestly die from the pain of this. I've not yet entirely healed (I still shed tears from time to time) but I'm better.
There is one thing that I wanted to share; something that I have been very upset about since I began pondering it. You all know that my H is depressed and in some kind of crisis that's been ongoing for 2 years or more. Early this year when he emotionally crashed one night he told me (in regards to his A) that he knew when he was doing it that it was never going to be anything substantial or long-term, but he lied to her and to everyone because of his illness. Those are his words. And now I sit here and wonder, did I mean that little to him that he walked away from me and threw away our life and marriage together for something he knew deep-down was not going to go anywhere?
I'm not sure how to put my feelings to rest about that.
I've got to run but I wanted to drop in and say hello. I'll try to check some threads later and catch up with all of you. Many hugs all around.
Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I have to say, the majority of them do not [return]. Yes, some spouses here are fortunate enough to restore their marriages but honestly, most have to move on.
Hi Sweetie, You know I love you right...?
But I don't think that is precisely a true statement. True: The majority do not return within a 2-3 year timeframe. And due to that I think it is probably true that the majority do not have the opportunity to return because the LBS will no longer allow a return. I think it is agreat for LBSs to HOPE for a return within that brief time...but it is dangerous to EXPECT it...cause the odds are against.
And as formost having to move on...I know what you mean, but ALL must move on...it can and should be done while Standing.
Quote:
And now I sit here and wonder, did I mean that little to him that he walked away from me and threw away our life and marriage together for something he knew deep-down was not going to go anywhere
No, the opposite. You meant so much to him that he did not feel worthy of being in your presence...but also deep down he wanted to spare you.
The sex with the OW wasn't real. But with you, everything is and was real...and he cannot handle reality. And he also cannot handle faking things with you. He couldn't give you something unless it was real...that is the respect he has for you--and the respect he lacks for the the OW.
The sex with the OW wasn't real. But with you, everything is and was real...and he cannot handle reality. And he also cannot handle faking things with you. He couldn't give you something unless it was real...that is the respect he has for you--and the respect he lacks for the the OW.
This actually just really hit a chord with me as well. I've been detaching great, PMA is nice and GAL has been working. W revealed EA after first MC, then left 2 weeks later. Reading this helps me deal even more if EA has turned into PA (which I suspect, but do not assume). I've ready myself for that bomb-drop, especially since W is getting her own place next week. But to put it in the terms of your quote makes it that much less of an issue.
Thanks
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
Hope glad to see you back even if only temporarily.
Don't know if you have read many/any other reads but Lael could certainly do with your advice right now. Her H has just told her OW is pregnant. I know you know how that feels.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
YAY HOPE! Your attitude is awesome! I agree with everything you've said. There is a different between "waiting" for your H and leaving the door ajar should he ever come to his senses. But in the meantime, you have the opportunity to find new love and a new life, which you're already doing.
You go girl!!!!!
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
I'm still here too. I followed a link on Withdrawal that you'd started. I thought it was new, (April), but turns out it was last year this time. It was very helpful to me tonight. Of course it's always disapointing when you see a very hopeful thread, and look to for latest on the posters, and find disappointment in their lives. But, maybe you might take a look at that thread again... because it sounds like it may still apply for you. It certainly still applies to me. Maybe you were 'posting ahead', so you could use it this year when you really needed it.
Hope, I was thinking about you yesterday. I think you are such an amazing person. You are clearly hurt by all that your H has done, but you've stood by him when he has needed you. At the same time, you're moving on with your life. You're finding happiness without H. You are meeting new people, dating, going for a new job... that is all so great.
Will your H come back and beg for forgiveness? Who knows. What I DO know is that you WILL find love again. Love will find you again. Some awesome guy (and probably totally HOT) will come knocking at your door and treat you like a princess.
You ROCK girlie!
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
