I will fix my thread up to reflect our current situation later. Short summary: Marriage OK/good but A happened since May, 2006. Bomb Oct , 2006. DB since Dec or so. H moved out 2 weeks ago (his reason: to make a decision). Now h has informed OW about ending the relationship. I do not know the details but I believe he is still "in the process" of ending it, meaning there are still contacts. H wants to come home but I told him I am very scared about him flip flopping and would like to see some reassurance that he is working on us instead of them. As such, I prefer that he stay out until later.
Having said all that, I would like to see if there are books that i can start to order or investigate for H to read. I have tons of books but most are geared towards female. I also have "getting back together" which I am reading.
I am not sure but I sense that h thinks everything can just go under the carpet and return to normal. He may not grasp the hard work needed ahead of us. I don't know if he will go for counseling again. He may think everything will be fine as long as he comes back and promises that it won't happen. For me, I want to go through the full motion, understand why it happened, what are the problems in our M (he still claims there is nothing wrong), how we can open up to each other, create a more fulfilling M, etc. I know it will be very difficult for me if I were to impose/explain to him why I need all these things. I think it will be better if there is a book that he can read so he can see it is important for us to get to the root of this (and knowing it will take years) to move forward.
I know I may not be quite here yet, but the signs are good so far.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
A couple of books that are really helping me - and my H has even started to read parts.....they are not targeted to anyone in particular but cover the betrayed partner, the unfaithful partner and even the affair partner.
"After the Affair; Healing the pain and rebuilding trust when a partner has been unfaithful" by Janis Spring "Not Just Friends; Rebuilding trust and recovering your sanity after infidelity" by Shirley Glass
I am finding them incredibley helpful and I'm not quite as far as piecing (just hoping that we are on are way there soon). I highly recommend them!
Good luck!
Me 36 ring on H 41 ring off S2 Together since 1992 Married: 2000 Bomb Aug 06 H moved out Oct 06 (and straight in with OW)
I also recommend "After the Affair" - excellent book as it reflects on a lot of the childhood issues that manifest into the A's years later
Another good one is called the "Monogamy Myth" - which deals not only with the A itself, but also society's view on A's and how they tend to actually encourage them but when they happen, society is not there to help us through it
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
