Reasons why we may not want them back

[Struggling_Husba]

This may not be a popular thread, but as I cycle through the anger stage of my grief, I ask myself why I would want this woman back. And as I have more clarity and sobriety, I also realize how unsatisfied and unhappy I was in our marriage. So here goes. The following is a list of reasons why I do not want her back/things I won't miss/reasons I'm glad she's going to be out of my life:

1. She does not like to French kiss. How could I have ended up with such a woman in the first place?!? 21+ years of lip kissing. Give me a f&*king break.
2. She is a sullen, unhappy person (even before MLC).
3. She is, for the most part, incapable of spontaneous fun.
4. She does not like sports.
5. She can't cook.
6. She has no sense of fashion or style (clothes, hair, makeup, etc.) and never made any effort to make herself look good.
7. She has few if any close friends.
8. She never discloses anything about herself.
9. She withheld affection as a away of punishing and controlling me.
10. She was offended by anything carnal.
11. She would not go see a movie unless all of the actors, directors, screenwriters, key grips and gaffers could pass her test of political correctness. Result: no movies.
12. She did not like to stay up late.
13. She did not like to go see live rock 'n' roll.
14. She did not like Deadwood or Entourage on HBO.
15. She treated my family with contempt.
16. She inherited money and acted like she'd earned it.
17. She was not kind.
18. She withdrew from me emotionally by her own choice.
19. She started an EA with another man while we were married.
20. She filed for divorce on my son's third birthday.

OK that's an even 20. Next time I feel myself pining away for her, I'll come back and read this as a reminder of just exactly what I'll be missing.

Will anyone else share their reasons?

-SH

[fig]

Oh oh (hand waving and jumping up in seat!!!)

I am divorced and have discovered some things I am definitly glad to be rid of!!!

1. he lied about everyhting and everyone
2. He was always on the computer and I used to joke that to get himt o pay attention to me, I should attach a mouse!
3. He thoughthe was smarter than everyone else and whenhe clearly wasn't I had to stroke his ego or he would go balistic
4. He stole money from my kids' piggybank and lied aboutthat (see #1)
5. he would say things like I don't care how fat you get...I love you impkying that I was fat already since nothing was said previous to the comment about fat or love
6. he snored
7. he chewed with his mouth open
8. he thought he was clever and he wasn't
9. he cheated throughout our marriage and denies it to this day (see #1)
10. he blame dme for all things negative
11. he was extremely jealous and never liked me to have friends
12. he destroyed numerous friendships (see #1)
13. he had bad taste in clothing
14. he chewed and would leave nasty spit jars all over the house
15. he was financially irresponsible
16. he was a baby
17. he was a big drag to be around
18. he was incredibly unsupportive and contributed to the demise of at least 2 jobs
19. he never made me feel pretty
20. and probably the most important was that he sucked happiness out of me instead of putting it in.

After he left I:
went off the AD I was on for the 7 eyars we were together
stopped having to take insulin
got a great job
got a grea tlittle apartment
bought a sweet little car
lost about 4 dress sizes
feel more confident and blessed than I have ever felt before

I am ME!!!!!

[Smurf_SMR]

Apart from my wifes culinary skills being very good, pre MLC anyway, I can relate to everything on your list.

She treated my family with contempt.

This struck out at me, my wife also, at times I would inwardly plead with her to make conversation with them. Now she wants to visit my brother, who she despised the most (course I know nothing about this)

[MoonDog]

Of course you're pretty Fig!

Now tell me, where would you attach that mouse???

[chicki]

here it goes and I know it can be much longer,but mostly generalizing:

1. disrepects my mother.
2. a man full of bitterness and w/out empathy for everyone( even before the bomb).
3. teaches & uses our kids to lie for him.
4. verbaly abusive to all his closeones including his sister.
5. truly low self esteem covered by machoness.
6. gives a new meaning to the term hispanic machoness.
7. outings have to be where and when he wants.
8. always (even before bomb)spends money like theres no tomorrow.
9. Because of #8 he plays catch up with the mortgage every three months after threats of house beign taken away.
10.addiction to sports comes before anyone else's priorties. Will use house payment money to fly across the world for his car race addictions.
11. a/c did not work and mr. selfish would not let me sleep in his room w/ the fan.
12. incapable of saying I am sorry.



Me- 38
H- 37
3kids 6,7 & 9yrs
married 10yrs
9/06 bomb "want a divorce"
11/06 found PA proof still no admittance
PA ongoing,but no papers filed (yet)

[goal]

I love this thread. It if funny I was thinking of this very thing last night.

1. He broke our wedding vows he stated before God and our families.

2. He has no remorse over what he did to me and the kids.

3. He was awful in bed the last 2 years.

4. He thought he was God.

5. He always wanted me to initiate sex, but when I did he turned me down.

6. He is arrogant.

7. Money was his god.

8. He could never stand to be silly.

9. He was never happy.

10. He has large pores on his face.

11. He walks like a duck.

12. It was not even close in average size.

13. He was so jealous of me and tried to talk me out of any accomplishments.

14. He lied so many times

15. He blamed everything on me.

16. He was a poor role model to the kids during MLC.

17. He never slept.

18. The glass was always half empty.

19. Nothing was ever good enough.

20. He cut people down to make himself feel better about himself.

[HalfMissing]

fig, my husband definitely did your number 2, 17, and 20. Right now, I am definitely considering if I really want to stand or not. I know I have only been at it a little while but I don't think I have it in me to do this. I do not have the faith or the optimism and standing is causing me to spiral into depression. I am doing some serious thinking about what I want in my life, and it may not include H anymore. He has not been the man I once knew for a long time now and I just didn't see it. I need to start thinking about myself and not just about preserving a marriage that is probably dead anyway.

goal, my H did your number 1,2,3,5,8,9,14,16,and 17. They sound very similar.

[fig]

moon...well...the mouse would have to be attached....

didn't matter...he was never interested wand would pat my head in a totally condescending way and say...later.... blech

half missing you made me laugh becuase I had to go back and refernece my numbers you said were similar!!!

[angelica]

My husband was a sweetheart prior to MLC, and we were very happy. He wasn't perfect, and neither was I, but he loved us and we loved him so very much.

I have got an alien replacement. And no, I am not looking at this through rose coloured glasses. Our friends loved him too, and my mother loved him . . . He was patient, hard-working, compassionate.

I know he was damaged by a sh*tty choldhood, but I thought he had come to terms with it. I miss him terribly, but I realise I was lucky to have such a great marriage.

I am not posting to sound complacent, but just to state that MLC happens to the nicest men as well as the others.

A

[chicki]

goal,

Are you sure we aren't married to the same husband? I had to laugh at your #12 it was not close in average size!he he! My h's thinga-ma-ging isn't either!!
Ditto for the one about having to iniate sex only to be turned down!