Anybody here care to cast some illumination on the way a spouse can go from talking about rebuilding a marriage to absolute certainty that divorce is necessary?
I'm trying to understand why my W is going back and forth on this. It is living hell for both of us.
I'd also like to find out how to help my W move past the hurt she's felt in our marriage. This is one of the things that seems to be holding her back from returning.
I think it's cycling. The same thing has happened to me. We were going to be fine a few weeks ago, make it all work. Now it's the worst ever. Must be part of the process.
Sorry, I don't have more. I'm sure others will give you better advice.
Sun
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
Just my opinion, in the "denial" stage, they bounce backwards and forwards, from wanting a divorce/separation due to what they are feeling, to wanting to reconcile as a moment of sanity has taken over for a while, and they know what is right.
Yes, this whole thing seems to go in roughly one-month cyles, but there are sub-cycles, super-cycles, and god knows how many other kinds of cycles. I should open a shop.
It's still unnerving. My W has called it off with the OM a number of times, and every time things go into a "down" cycle, he seems to reappear in the picture.
She admits that it's tough to "work on things" when this is an issue, so for now she's not filing. But it seems to be hanging on a thread.
That's why I'm so interested in how to get past the hurt. Is this something that I can help with? She's said that she "believes" that all the changes I've made are real. But that doesn't change her certainty that "she can't come back."
