Hi everyone... I am back from vacation and have a lot of catching up to do here. It was really good to be away from a computer for a week and to get some R&R time and some sunshine and family time. For you book lovers out there, I read a great book called Water for Elephants ( it's fiction and has nothing to do with marital advice)!
It looks like Karen hasn't posted about having the baby...NOP, have you recovered from your kidney stone?...MJ, have been thinking of you, and of course, others too.
Time for me to roll up my sleeves again...I have found out that a segment of my married life was filled with omissions, lies, secrecy...yet I remain committed to working things through and sense my H is really on board with me. More later.
I'm realizing now that my marriage was really in severe crisis when I first posted here 3 years ago. I didn't know how far gone my H was, and I felt alone and desperate. My fantasy life kicked in, and I was drawn to alpha, dominating type scenarios, mainly because I felt husbandless for so long. I am upset with myself for not taking a stronger stand years ago...there were many times when I felt unsupported. My H really was not ready to take on a wife emotionally. He backed away from conflict and dissociated himself from the stresses of our life together. Personally, I think he married me in part to escape his own family drama. I didn't help matters with my arguing and my sexual rejection.
Well, he is coming forward now and I am really proud of him. I know I can make things work with him if I stay in the present and not get bogged down by bitter memories. I plan to come here and get some feelings out on an as needed basis.
Quote: --------------------------------------- NOP, have you recovered from your kidney stone? ---------------------------------------
No, it is still on the inside, lodged just above my bladder, but at such an angle that it isn't blocking flow. I am going to wait another week and see if I can pass it. If it will make it into my bladder, then I shouldn't have too much trouble with the rest of the trip. If it hasn't moved by next Monday, then I am going to let them grab it. I have to tell you, that does not appeal to me.
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------------ Well, he is coming forward now and I am really proud of him. I know I can make things work with him if I stay in the present and not get bogged down by bitter memories. I plan to come here and get some feelings out on an as needed basis ------------------------------------------------------------
I am really impressed with the way you are handling this. There are many that would be having an emotional meltdown right now. I am glad that he is coming clean with you. It will hurt for a while, but in the long run, it can really remove a lot of obstacles that have been fixtures in your relationship. If he has been suffering from depression and low self esteem, then there is a good chance that those issues will at least fade some, if not disappear completely.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
No baby - we had a nice week at the beach but H would not participate in anything that might bring on labor. I didn't cook, bathe kids, walk on the boardwalk or have any sex of any sort. What I did have was a great deal of rest, some time with my family and lots of contractions.... Oh well.
Journey - glad that things are going in a positive direction for you and dh.
NOP, That is one pesky stone you have there...hope it passes soon.
Thank you for your supportive words and for seeing some hope in this crazy situation. I wish I could have seen things earlier; denial is a powerful force. My H radiates a boyishly naive presence ( and I do as well, but in the girlish form) and we both had only a few relationships before we met. We are probably the last people anyone would consider as being capable of affairs. You are doing a great service by getting the word out here about affairs, and I find your concise advice helpful, especially when the mind is swirling in heavy emotions.
It's amazing how the sex issue was just a symbol of deeper relationship problems. Although my marriage is no longer sex starved, I hope to continue posting here, with the hope of getting to an even healthier place. I feel not only do I have my husband back, he is showing me every day that he does not want to lose me. We've had to learn the hard way.
Karen, I am glad you are back home safe and sound. The countdown begins....
Lou, I often wish I had the chance to go back in time and do things differently. There's no choice but to move onward, and to try to be a better person today than yesterday.
Thank you very much for your kind comments. They are very much appreciated.
I am looking forward to updates as you and hubby demystify your relationship.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: -------------------------------------- Nop - I'll take my discomforts over your ANY Day. --------------------------------------
I don't know, a baby is a lot bigger :-)
I have heard some women complain that they were ready to "get this baby out of me." I think that maybe I have some inkling now of what it's like to be ready to have something out of you NOW.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
