I just got back from a ceremony for my daughters Sparks troup. All the guiding units were there gradutating to the next level. Some of our friends were there, they all have plans to particiapte in a walk for cancer next week. I felt so left out cause I wasnt invited. They were discussing the time they were gonna meet and how they were gonna decorate and all that. I understand that they probably dont know how to approach me after all this, but it still hurts. I always had feelings that these people didnt care for me and now I think its a true feeling. Then I got ot thinking about why he isnt moving on this seperation business. I havent heard a thing about it since he came over to make one out on May 17. Not one word. Then I thought about what he makes and how much money he has left at the end of the week. He pays 200 for the mortgage on a house he doesnt live in, he pays the family he is living with 60 a week and he gives me 100 a week. He brings in 450 a week. Why would he want to continue to pay a mortgage on a house he doesnt live in especially when he says he wants to move out of the place he is staying so badly. He says he wants to buy a hosue of his own and that he is gonna save up for a down payment but I cant see how thats happening with the little amount of money he is left with. I am so confused by him. I dont know what to do. I felt great about myself all day until this. We were chatting over TM all day about various things. I really hate myself foe missing him so much and for not wanting to discuss any of this with him cause Idont want to hear the truth. Can anyone shed some light? Heather
Not sure what you're looking for us to shine the light on.
MLCer's are confusion incarnate, most won't make decisions until they absolutely have to and usually postpone stuff for a long time. What you'll need to do is keep going on, not asking him about all this stuff, but letting him do this on his own.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
Thank you Solo, thats exactly what I needed to hear. I have been wondering if this is really MLC or just lack of interest in me and our marriage. But it seems like all the things he is doing points in that direction. Heather
Wow, so H was just here dropping off the kids. He called at noon to see if I was ready for them. I asked him if I could have until 2 so I could get stuff done around the house. He said that he had plans to help a friend so he would bring them at 1. Well 1 came and went, no kids, 2 came and went, no kids, finally at 230 he comes with the kids. I said I thought you were bringing them at 1. He said we got doing stuff. Ok that was fine. Then for the third time this week he asked what my hours at my second job were. I stood there and kind of looked funny and I said Mon Wed Sat, thats the third time I told you. He got mad at said oh really snarky like. I was mad at first because of the reaxction but then I thought about it and sent him this email.
HI Look, Im sorry if I ticked you off yesterday when I said that I told you three times what I worked. That really wasnt my intention. I expected a laugh, I thought it was funny that you forgot again. I apologize. Thank you as well for keeping the kids londer, it helped me get alot done around here. Heather
Did I do the right thing? I feel really bad and I dont want him to continue thinking I am a bitch. Heather
I have also had occasions where my husband has continually forgot things i have told him, it seems to be a common thing for MLCers to be forgetful. In future i would not remind your husband that he is being forgetful just let it go. I am sure your husband appreciated your apology and thanking him for having the kids longer.
Take care
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
I really would not beat yourself up for what you said to husband, these MLCERS never remember thing for too long anyway. I am sure that you husband both believes and cares, its is just that his guilt and depression do not allow him to communicate with you in a normal manner. Maybe your husband is not responding to make you feel bad which is obviously working, so imo i would just forget about it now and when your husband does contact you don't mention it and act as if.
Take care
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
What really peeves me off is when he comes here in the morning to get the kids ready to go and he empties out DD's backpack all over my kitchen table, with peices that are no doubt garbage and just leaves it in a pile on the table for me to deal with. Then he left my front door wide open all day. I dotn know if he trying ot piss me off or he is just got the MLC forgetfulness. He makes me so angry. Is it normal to feel bitterness towards him? Heather
Bitterness? Yes. The key is to let the bitterness go and detach. You'll feel it, but the idea is to let it wash over you and not take root in your heart.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
