I sent my exW a cute package with a balloon and card inviing her to a nite out in a couple of weeks.
She called and thanked me for such a wonderful surprise. I asked if that ment she was accepting the invite, she said yes but what she needs to tell me might make me change my mind
She tells me that I am not on the same page as her, she wants to date other people and that includes seeing me. She feels pressure that she can not give me what I need in an exclusive relationship. She knows how wonderful I am and knows she might be making a big mistake but she just has to be sure she is doing the right thing. I told her she needs to do what makes her comfortable and if I agree to dating her in this manner I don't know how I will feel if she does want to work on things.
What do I do???
My C says to continue doing like I have been but stop smothering her. I am not sure what I am doing that would make her feel that way, but her says to ask her and find out. He also feels she may not date and this is her way of releasing pressure.
My gut says to date her because I truly feel she will not find anybody better, but then there is part of me that feels like I being used.
I can feel the anxiety building.
Well last night I was taking my D10 and exW to dinner. As I pull up to the house my D is playing in the garage with some friends so I go in the house and my exW has a big smile and comes over and gives me a couple of nice kisses. We a nice dinner and she was comfortable with coming over after my D went to bed. Well as it turns out kids never fall asleep early when you want them She forgot one of her stuffed animals so she calls my ex and she said she would bring it over (she only leaves a mile down the road) It was about 9:45pm when she got her so she laid with D for a little bit and then we watched TV for about an hour on the coach. She was holding my hand most of the time and we had a real nice laid back time. As she was leaving she leaned over and we kissed and hugged for about 10 mins. I asked her if she wanted to get together again Tues nite and she said sure, then remembered we need to take my D to a Dr appt in Phila. early the next AM. So she said that might be bad, so we are playing it by ear.
Now about a month ago we all this talk came up about us dating, she was on Match.com. She agreed to take her profile down and she did do that. I checked this AM and it is still not up.
I am thinking about putting my profile back up, just so she knows I will be seeing other people as well. Bad idea? Should I wait to see if hers goes up first?
MLCers are so confusing, it looks like she has no problem spending time with me and we are even plannning a trip to NYC with my D in two weeks.
Hi ddc, I would leave your profile on match.com down. If you are serious about wanting her back, be 100% about it. It sounds like she's just confused right now, especially if you two have travel plans.
Play nice, and keep up the good work!
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
I am thinking about putting my profile back up, just so she knows I will be seeing other people as well. Bad idea? Should I wait to see if hers goes up first?
I have to be honest with you, that comment really ticked me off.
Why in the heck would you even have a profile at match.com if you want your wife back?
Playing head games with one another is for high school not for the real world.
Your wife is confused, give her time.
No pressure!!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Why in the heck would you even have a profile at match.com if you want your wife back?
My profile has been down for 4 months since I started that other relationship which has ended now since I am dating my wife. I guess after 3.5 years of being pushed aside, I feel as if my ex wants to keep me on the back burner while she explores other options. Just frustration on my part. I have no desire to date anybody else, I just don't know if I can sit back and feel like a doormat any more.
The fact that she knows I will be waiting while she test out the rest of the dating pool. Kind of like "I know your great and have made a lot of changes BUT what if there is something better" If I don't find anybody else I'll come back to you. I know, I know. I need patience and she needs to come around on her own. I did that for 2 years and just when I am moving on her she comes. Just when I thought my roller coaster ride was over, somebody gave another ticket.
Ok, rant over.
I know what I need to do and I am thankful for being in this position because there truly is nobody else I would want to be with. There are a lot of positives going on right now and I just need to focus on them and take each day as it comes.
The fact that she knows I will be waiting while she test out the rest of the dating pool. Kind of like "I know your great and have made a lot of changes BUT what if there is something better" If I don't find anybody else I'll come back to you.
THIS IS PART OF THE CRISIS.
You are her safe person. She knows you love her.
They have to do this and I am so sorry to tell you this but most of us here have all gone through this part also.
Some call it cake-eating. Some call it being a doormat.
It may be easier if you try to look at it as though you are the light guiding her back home.
You are a sure thing.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
It may be easier if you try to look at it as though you are the light guiding her back home.
You are a sure thing.
That's my attitude also. I work on being my W's lighthouse every day; working out, being the best dad I can be, being kind to everyone I encounter (karma!), and treating my W like I would a great friend. If she never comes back full time, you'll die knowing you did all you could for your M.
You married her for a reason; that person you married wants to come back.
Me - 46 She - 36 Daughter - 10 Married 10 yrs 1st Bomb Date 12/17/06 (Merry Christmas!) D Bomb in January (Happy New Year!) Every other week custody of D10 She has OM who helped her walk away Divorced 07/05/07
My C says to continue doing like I have been but stop smothering her. I am not sure what I am doing that would make her feel that way, but her says to ask her and find out.
From a readers POV you are smothering by asking her every 2 minutes to spend time with you. You are D, this woman thought you were history. You have to let her do the pursuing.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
She forgot one of her stuffed animals so she calls my ex and she said she would bring it over (she only leaves a mile down the road) It was about 9:45pm when she got her so she laid with D for a little bit and then we watched TV for about an hour on the coach. She was holding my hand most of the time and we had a real nice laid back time.