Well, the D process has begun. We have not met with a mediator yet, but are working out some things on our own, like custody/visitation. I also need to get together a budget and get the house appraised. We will probably see the mediator in the next couple of weeks to get started.
I was terrified of all this, but it's actually not so bad. We've been doing the kid stuff for the past 19 months anyway, so it's just a matter of formalizing it.
The budget is a lot of work, though, and I'm marking midterms now, so it's not the best timing. Anyway, it has to be done. I think that, like many things, this will turn out to be not as bad as my fears. The fear of the unknown is often so much worse for me.
As sad as I am that it has come to this, it really is for the best, at least right now. We will get this done, I will heal, and then...who knows? I would like to be married again, but I will wait for God to bring me someone at the right time. And if it's my H, so much the better. But realistically, that's unlikely and I need to move on at this point.
I am going back to see the T I was seeing a year ago, the one I stopped seeing b/c he said H was a narcissist!!! Maybe he was not so wrong. Actually, it doesn't really matter. I have to get past my need for answers and desire for H's approval.
So that's my story for now.
Love to all of you, and thanks again for your wonderful support.
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
This is still a journey to a happy heart, Nicola. It just isn't the route you thought you were on. Did I tell you this Wayne Dyer quote: "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." So true some days!
I often find that my fear of the unknown is worse than anything that's really out there.
I forgot all about that T saying that H was a narcissist! Keep taking care of yourself, woman. (((N)))
(((Nicola))), Still at work tonight but wanted to check in to see how you're doing and found your new thread.
I see you have decided to go ahead in filing for a D and I will be there for you as you have been there for me. Looks like we're going through this at the same time.
While this is sad and I know you struggled with this decision, you are doing what is right for you and the kids now. It is time to stop thinking about your H and time to think about Nicola.
You DO deserve to be happy. You DO deserve to be with someone who truly loves you and you WILL. BELIEVE IT. Whether it will be your H or someone else, God will bring the right man to you and when he does, you will know it.
Have to go and finish up so I can head on home but I will check in again.
Love to you and sending you (((((((((HUGS))))))))). ISLH
BTW - if there's a trip to Cuba, I'm in.
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
I did originally want a LS, but he wants a D, and I don't really see the point of dragging this out any longer. By the time we are done, we will have been S for two years, and I don't want to be another year in limbo after that.
No, this is NOT what I wanted. I tried so hard to make this M work, but you can tango alone for only so long! At some point, you do need a partner who's in it, too. Unfortunately, my H has taken the easy way out and started a new R. Will it last? I doubt it. I don't think he's as serious as she is. Will the D papers make him wake up a bit? I don't think so. He already has a fair idea of what he'll have to pay me per month, give or take a few hundred dollars (alimony will be the bone of contention).
I think the kid issue is not what he thought. I sent him a proposal today, but haven't heard back. He was talking about going through the calendar for the next year only--he's so clueless! I asked friends for help and got some ideas. It is more complicated than he realized, I think (e.g. kids' birthdays).
Anyway, even if this isn't what I wanted, it is what it is. This is my life, and I am going to make the most of it.
I am not posting much to others, as I haven't really got any good Standing advice right now. But I do think of you all and pray for you.
Love, N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
You sound sad but that is okay. IMO the sorrow never leaves us. We always regret what we wanted to happen but could not. We seem to feel deep down we had some control when in fact we never did.
Things will continue to improve. Your attitude is wonderful.
