HI I have been reading posts on and off for 2 years and have only posted a few times..maybe a year ago....Anyway long story but H had OW since I got the speech ILBNILWY. The bomb came out of no where for me and I checked the cell phone and found it led right to OW....anyway I have not exposed his affair and he has kept her hidden form the kids..we have 2, one is in trouble mentally because of a drug overdose and is currently in jail. This was an anwesome kid growing up, went down the wrong path, this and H father death brought on the MLC...also have a younger son 14, who H takes on the weekends mostly and we have him in a new christian school because of problems with older son and also H wanting to move to this area because of OW, for me to stay with son during the school week I moved about 1 hour, which also puts us closer to OW home town and H is staying at H while it sells...which it has not yet. the OW still hidden. H never visits older son with the who currently has many mental issuses and just thinks his Dad cant see him where he is. With our younger son H stays close and basically acts like I dont exist. Younger son knows we are getting D, and at this point just wants it all to be over with. H has not filed yet, Ive been expecting it since the beginning to be anytime,H has OW at our home when son isnt with him, this is so hard and my question is what good am i doing supporting Ow being hidden? I feel like saying the OW has won and why hide all this, let older son know this is why his father never sees him, he has OW and younger son to know the truth, so we can all get on with our lives? Please let me know your thoughts. I am just tired and dont know many cases where the OW is hidden for this long from he kids? thanks so much
You only have 30 something posts and you registeted in 05? Gosh, I "talk" so much
Well i could pretty much bet, why the OW skank has not been introduced to your children. B/c she is a worthless skank and your Husband deep down knows it.
I would not push anything about that tho.
Leave is alone, lmake pretend she doesn't exist. Your H will soon realize, she is worthless, he knows it now already.
I am sorry to hear about your older sons problems, it seems to me, that is where all the focus should be on our kids.
Not anything about this OW.
Let that go, don't bring her up.
Others may have a different opinion as me.
I hope your son, finds the help he needs.
sorry to see you hear.
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
Sorry that you are here. First off, read the MLC resources again. Next, try to think how you might be enabling this behavior. Not trying to be mean but to have you think about what is happening here.
OW are almost always hidden... I think that mine has a skank hidden right now. Here is the thing, it seems that you H is comfortable in both worlds... check out Rollercoasterrider's threads as well as reading what Snodderly has up...
Do a search to see if yours is cakeeating and think of some 180s that you can do to ease your own pain, think about what works for you because you cannot change him but you can change how you deal with him.
wow thanks for the feedback and how quickly things change..I guess I knew her coming out was so close I mean after all this time. I called H this morning about the tax info and then I asked him if he filed for D yet,I mean he has said he is going to dumb me now for 2 years..anyway he told me he doesnt have the money...then I asked him again not to bring ow to our home and then he told me he has told younger son about her..to make a long story short hopefully....he took them out to lunch ow and son and told son they were "friends", anyway right or wrong and I just feel numb but H did bring her out so I guess he has chosen her over me...my son woke up when H and I were talking and said he knew about her but didnt want to hurt me, but he has only known about her since about 1 or 2 months...anyway nothing good out of this mess, my son told me she is a CHRISTIAN oh my gosh i wanted to puke i am so sick of hearing Christains do this too and its all ok God wants us to be happy....oh well I feel like such a failure...my son did tell me she had blonde hair and when i met her she had brown hair, mine is blonde so i just thought hummm they say the H will stat trying to make them like the wife...I cant believe after 2 years and all this detaching and praying i feel this bad this hurts so much..my son told me not to judge and that he admired all i had been through and respected me for my stand all this time he said he could not have done it..I feel like I should just file for seperation now we have lost almost everything financially now...my h and all his lies and i just went along...i am just rambling but basically wanted to say the ow is out now, looks like she won
We understand here. You sound very hurt and very tired. First off,take care of you. She has not won, she is not a Christian. There are words for women who do this, I will not cast a stone but there are words. So, tell me... What are you doing for you? Call a friend, go to a movie, get out of the house, take a bubble bath. Take deep breaths because you need to get focused.
Your H sounds MLC read the resources. Think of your 180s and stop feeling sorry for yourself.Think of what will work for you and your family. You must protect yourself. You can still stand for your marriage but you have to decide if you want to or if you want to feel the way that you feel right now or not.
Read Rollercoasterrider, Jack Three Beans and Happy Again, and Snodderly. You can do this if you want to but only you can know this.Tears are okay because you are human but then, get up and dust yourself off. You are God's child.
Chin up today, do something for you and then come back and post. We will help you through.
Sorry, but the first thing I feel compelled to do is--sorry Ever...but call you on the carpet.
Quote:
she is not a Christian.
So Christian are not sinners, make no mistakes and sre perfect in all actions?
No we all make mistakes and we are all sinners. She is nt being a good Christian...no argument there. But OWs are human and they make mistakes too. Many OWs are MLCer also...they may or may not have Standing spouses just like us.
We find it so much less difficult to forgive our MLCer, but we must also come to a place where we can forgive the OW also.
Okay Grace, so your younger son knows about the OW...does he now know that you have known about her too? When he said she wa a Crhistian was he saying it defensive or protectively or with derision...saying how could she be that and think what she is doing is right?
How did you respond to his defense or derision?
Do you want a divorce? If not...stop asking your HUSBAND if he has filed...talked to an attorney, thought about it etc.
Let's make sure I get this...your husband is in the house and you moved out...with your son? Sorry, I just don't know the details and you don't need to provide, but I'll ask...Why?
This is backwards with most male MLCers...usually the wife and kids stay home and he leaves...that's all.
What I guess you need to do is treat that house as the rest of us LBSs treat the MLCers apartment...or OWs house if they cohabitate. That is not your home...and it would be nice if at reconciliation you get rid of it.
I was relieved when Sweetheart moved in with the OW...cause I knew that would speed up the death of the relationship.
I know this has been going on for a long time for you now. But Lisset has a great point about why he may have waited so long to introduce the OW.
Just pray throns betweem them... Talk to your son and make him feel safe...and get his take on it...I'm curious to know what he thought of her being a Christian.
Whetehr your husband is ther eto see it or not be unconditional in love and forgiveness. Sounds pat and as though it won't do good if he doesn't see it...do it anyway. Put your Faith that God will show him those things in you.
May I suggest praying Hosea 2? And also, another good book with regard to praying for your husband is, "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. She also has a small prayer book with this same title which you can find at Barnes and Noble.
Prayer does work which I think many here will tell you, including myself.
I know it is hard, but we have to forgive OW and husband. These people are not in their right minds, remember that. Christian or not, we all have done something in our lives that we are ashamed about and that is why we can ask for forgiveness and Christ will forgive us if we ask.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
RC I left the home because H insisted and we moved to put son in another school..but it was not my choice..I don know what you mean she can be a christian just blinded....i did think about now that the affair is out it should be the begininng of the end but i think also that he waited for so long to make sure she was the one....I really do know that I stood and did everything possible I did not chase or beg after the initial shock. I have spent 2 years really getting to know God and I know I have a long way to go but have grown more these last 2 years than ever before and I really feel like H is so lost, he looks a mess but he is also so prideful I know it would be a miracle....i have not asked about d much at all..but am getting worried the house is for sale and we are out of money, taxes are due and this is a big mess..i heard they will leave or blow it all for ow..and thats the track we are on
