So, not much to report. Thanks to those who stopped by at the end of my last thread, where nothing much was happening either, except a slight warming-up of H.
I think that may be due to the fact that he thought I was dating. I'm pretty sure about this b/c he suddenly warmed up when I mentioned that I had gone to the ballet with my mother. Who knows...
In breaking news, I am working hard at marking papers, and we haven't even done midterm exams yet. Still, there's a lot to do, and I've got quite a bit done today, but lots more to get done for tomorrow. And I volunteered to help out at church tonight and can't get out of it. ARGH!
Anyway, other than that, I'm feeling quite unhappy today, but I think I know why:
(1) H has his sentencing next Monday, so that is hanging over my head, and his.
(2) I had to talk about the kids' schedules with him, and that always upsets me b/c it just serves to remind me that we are no longer an intact family. It is so hard to talk about visitation calmly, which I did, but it still hurt.
Regarding (1): I am not really worried that he will get a criminal record, though if he does it will be really bad news. I am worried that once it is over with, he will want to go ahead with a D. On a positive note, once it is over with, he may feel free to re-engage in our R.
Re. (2): I am finding Monday mornings really hard b/c the kids usually come home around 8:15 and D10 starts school at 9. She is not so bad, and the school is right next door, but I have a heck of a time getting S5 to leave for daycare, since he only just got home. I start work at 10, so it ends up being a mad rush. I had wanted H to drop S5 off at daycare on Mondays starting tomorrow, but then I won't see my little guy for such a long time, and I know he won't like it.
What we've decided to do for now is that the kids will sleep here tonight. H is thinking of some other ideas, and suggested that maybe he could have each of the kids one evening on alternate weeks. This actually sounds like a good idea for the children b/c they would each get one-on-one time w/ each of us. Bad side is that then I will have to see H even more often, which makes is so hard to detach. Also, he has a bad habit of keeping the munchkins out too late. Maybe he could pick one up at 3 on Sat and the other at 6.
Crap this is hard, esp when you want to do right by your kids.
Anyway, as I said above, whenever we talk about visitation (though not in those words), it really hurts me b/c I just imagine this as being forever, bleh.
Well, enough of that. I have to cook for the potluck and get some more marking done!
N
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Okay, so H just called--he was supposed to be bringing me the car now, but he was just in an accident. He says it's not serious (no one hurt) but the car is in bad shape. Beautiful.
This happened a bunch of times two years before the bomb, till he finally totalled the car a couple of weeks before his mini-bomb in Aug 04 (I don't know if I can be a good H or something to that effect.)
I can't believe he is smashing up the car AGAIN. And with the kids in it this time.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Ahhh **HUGS** Nicola!!! At least everyone is safe and sound. Was the accident his fault?!
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
Nicola... everyone is OK that is the most important part.... a car is just a car.... Hope the court goes well.... hang in there.... you have my email and I will gladly give you my number if ever you need to vent...
Me 31 H 36 2 kids (D2,D4) Status: enjoying my life all by my big self!!!;) "Life is short eat desert first!!"
Yes, everyone is fine, but the car doesn't have a front bumper anymore. I am hoping that they will be able to fix it tomorrow b/c it takes me an hour to get to work by metro, and I work at 8 am on Tuesday.
I squeezed H's hand when I saw him, but he pulled away. He was completely filled with anxiety. I don't know what the heck his problem is.
I know the car is not a big deal, but it just brings back all the bs I put up with before he left.
Anyway, I have to go have a medieval battle with S5 now!
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
((((Nicola)))), I am so glad to hear everyone is okay. You tried to console him and tried to let him know that everything would be okay but of course, his reaction to you is how he feels about himself. Your H is feeling really bad and feels like he screwed up again. You did nothing wrong.
Quote:
I am worried that once it is over with, he will want to go ahead with a D.
As you've told me, you do not know that he will file. If he does, the D paper changes your marital status but doesn't really change anything else. The situation may change if YOU choose to change it. For me, if H does serve me with the D papers, it will not change anything. We are not even D and he already doesn't want to talk to me so being D will mean much of the same thing. I will still send him a Christmas card and a birthday card regardless if we are separated or divorced. We all have our limits and when we reach it, we will know.
As for the kids, it is hard trying to figure out just what is the right thing to do. When my boys were younger, I would include them in the decision-making. I found that when they were younger, they didn't want to be going back and forth constantly throughout the week and came to resent me. I thought they wanted to spend more time with their Dad but it was taking time away from their friends. They were happier going to their Dad's every other weekend and spending one other night (not sleepover). They started looking forward to spending time with their Dad.
Do what you feel your kids are happy with. If it means you see more of your H, it also means he will be seeing more of you too. Not necessarily a bad thing.
Hope you enjoy the potluck tonight.
Hugs, ISLH
Me: 49 - S22 & S26 H: 41 - No kids M: 10/00 Bomb New Year's Day 2006 H living w OW 01/07; have baby 12/07 D final 07/07 Thread #9 - Hope Lives On
Glad to hear that everyone is OK and that it's only a bumper that needs to be replaced. I think Brava is right on about him feeling guilty and angry with himself--try not to take it personally because it isn't about you.
I also think that ISLH is right about asking the kids what they want. S5 is old enough to express himself about this. I wish this part was easier for you. (((N)))
Happy Monday! I am behind the 8-ball myself as far as grading goes. Be well.
I can't believe he is smashing up the car AGAIN. And with the kids in it this time.
Not necessarily a bad thing.