I saw my H today for the first time since he left 30 days ago. I was nervous all morning. Once he finally arrived he gave me a big hug and we sat in our living room chatting. We did not talk about us just talked about stuff with mutual friends, family and I smiled and giggled a bit. He was over to help with a few household issues (lawn, sprinkers, dog run, etc.) I didn't follow him around but was always available if he needed anything. At one point he retreated to our bedroom and laid down on our bed then called for me. I walked in and was a bit shocked and he could tell so he asked "is it ok?" I said sure and then sat next to him and read for a bit, He napped for about 20 minutes and then started talking again. We were so close but never touched. face to face, I smiled and it felt so nice. After some more small talk he asked if "we could cuddle?" I scooted into the spooning position and he held me so tight. I said nothing and just enjoyed the moment. That lasted for about 10 minutes and then he whispered in my ear "thank you for not making this wierd" all I said was "you're welcome" and then he squeezed me tight and we were off to mow the lawn. For the first time in our relationship, I helped. I caught him staring at me and just smiled. It felt like he really enjoyed my company. I had a apt and had to leave before he was done, but I made sure to call him an hour later and thank him again for the help. He sounded happy to hear from me. What gives? He felt so lonely and sad. Am I crazy???
I'm devasted!!!!!!!!!!!! After such a great day, I decided to go dancing with a girlfriend and who do I see? Yes, my H with his arms wrapped around the waist of another women. I approached them and introduce myself. He froze and the look of death was priceless. I held it together and looked him right in the eye. As for the OW, she looked like she had no clue. What now my friends, I'm crushed....
Just wanted to say how sorry i am that you had to see your husband with OW but you handled it beautifully. I can just imagine the look on your husbands face . Try and not concern yourself with the OW too much, you will just drive yourself mad. Carry on holding your head up high and getting on with life for you.
Nicky
Me 34 H 33 D3 together 10 years married 2 years Bomb 22/8/06 (I feel empty) OW involved
You can keep the pictures down if you want...but I would put them back up...if you plan to Stand. Dome do, some do not.
I'm sorry this happened...ut it has happened in some form to all of us here. After a good experience together expect a retreat. Expect there to be an OW.
It looks like he may have lied and she didn't know...cool. If that was a relationship of any sort it may bust because of that. But there will be antoher OW...THERE WILL BE AN OW.
Infidelity is the greatest difficulty the LBS has during this MLC. The problems are much deeper and an OW is merely a symptom...but infidelity is pain.
He is not a jerk. Good chance you will have a Drop-In...but too early to tell.
Next time this sort of thing happens, do not confront. It only makes you a Bitch to him...though you are not. It will make him fear you, your anger, what you will do now to him and an OW and what you will do in the future--ie he will fear your anger will be too great for a return....too much damage.
When Sweetheart left I left the pictures on the walls...I may have added to my 'shrine' as the OW referred to it rather than removed.
For me it was a sign of my commitment...and Sweetheart could see it every time he came over...and he snuck over all the time while I was at work in the daytimes.
He wants reassurance and cuddling from you...the morning was evidence. But this in NO WAY means he is progressing so quickly as to be on his way to returning. It hasn't gotten worse yet...and trust me it will.
If you choose to Stand, you must be strong. You must accept that he will have an OW, feel in-love with her, act happy, hate you etc.
You must accept this crisis to get through it...it will happen whether you want it to or not, whether you make all the right moves or mess up royally. You cannot stop it. I know you want to. But if you are able to yank him out now, he will return later for worse MLC.
It's going to be okay and it is in no way over...unless you decide that. I'm a bit sicker today than the other days--can hardly talk. So I will be resting. But I will try and pop in to check on you.
I am so sorry that you had to see that, but maybe it was meant for you to see .... a reality check, maybe. WAH's rarely leave unless there is someone to go to. Now, you have to decide what you want to do about it, if anything. You still need to take care of yourself, GAL, and realise that you can only control yourself, and not your H.
I am feeling for ya! I remember when I found out about OW .... ugh ... not pleasant ... felt like the planet stopped turning, and everything crashing down on me. Look after yourself at this point healthwise, and protect yourself financially too (make sure you are aware of all your rights pertaining possible D, although it may not come to that).
I am just so sorry you are going through this.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Sorry you had to see OW, but you handled it MAVELOUSLY (you have to say it like Billy Crystal). You should be proud of yourself.
RCR makes really good sense. Read and re-read the post and any others that help. I actually print some out, just to keep where I can get to them easily. It helps.
There are things you should expect in this and the dreaded OW is one of the hardest to accept.
"Oh that won't happen to me." You do this to yourself you are going to be crushed.
"He won't lie to me." He will.
You did AMAZINGLY well, you did better than many of us 'old vets' would have done.
You enjoyed the day, and then were later hurt...that was yesterday. You get through this one day at a time.
The absolute hardest part about all of this (for me) was NOT getting my hopes up / expectations after a nice meeting. It was NOT talking about 'us' when she seemed in a good mood. You see the baby steps toward you, and you start thinking this is the 'turn around' point, and they will start running toward you...
They don't. Enjoy the small moments that are good, but pin no hopes on them...except that they might continue.
OK?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
. Try and not concern yourself with the OW too much, you will just drive yourself mad. Carry on holding your head up high and getting on with life for you.