Here's Your Sign

[FaithfulH]

OK, Everybody! How 'bout some fun? Are you familiar with Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" routine? He has performed this as a part of the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" along with Jeff Foxworthy and several other comedians. Here's a little sample:

THE STUPID SIGN
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

In the spirit of Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" routine, let's share the wacky stuff our MLCers have said to us....along with the response you would have liked to have given them. I'll start:

I have lost nearly 100 lbs since the bomb and my W has not made a single mention of this fact even though we still live in the same house and see each other daily. Friday night, she says "FaithfulH, do you belong to a gym?"...."Nope, I was on the Home Shopping Network and I bought the new Ronco-matic Home Liposuction Machine! Here's Your Sign!"

[FaithfulH]

As Larry the Cable Guy says, "I don't care what you say...that's funny!'

[itsy]

They are in their own world.....Mine said to me while we were out to dinner that I was paying for again.. "I'm obsessed with her. I can't stop thinking about her." Really, she's 25, a prostitue junkie and your obsessed with her..take her home to your parents!!!!

Or the biggest one of them all
At the court house to discuss alimony he said quote " I shouldn't have to pay to much in alimony because she is going to inherit alot of money when her mom dies." Does stupid look good on his forehead you bet it does.................itsy

[fig]

When LSS said...of course I am sleeping with her, you made me pick between the computer and the bed...I mean...I needed to sleep somewhere!!!!

I wish I would have said: I'm so glad you found that sleep-around-on-your wife free card.

[brandnewday]

OK, I don't get it........

[itsy]

There are so many of them, for here's your sign..Trying to put it at the top again...itsy

[HalfMissing]

I am not depressed because of a chemical imbalance. I am depressed because something must be wrong with our marriage. I just haven't figured out what is wrong with it yet.

Here is your sign, dear.

[a new 2moro]

H apt was conveniently below OW's well I think they lived together but he kept denying it so.......I said She comes down every nite to go to bed with you.....H says uh not everynite

theres your sign

[a new 2moro]

give me time i can come up with other gems

[FaithfulH]

Yesterday, my W called me at work to say that she was frustrated because I had paid her cellphone bill. She said, "I wanted to cut a check to pay for it". When I asked where she would get the money to write the check (since she doesn't work) she replied, "Well, er uh...from our joint checking account" (the only account we have to pay bills from...which I used)

Here's your sign!