My last thread was locked up, "GIVE ME GUIDANCE...PLEASE". Friday night was bad. In a moment of weakness I threw DB principles right out the window. Our MC called me to tell me she had to cancel, and I was really sorta looking to talk to her. I asked GF if we could talk at about 8:00, where I proceeded to ask her if she even wanted to get over OM. She said part of her doesn't. I asked her if she had turned her emotions off, she replied "yes". She also told me she had "checked out" of our relationship, and that part of her wants it to be over. I then told her, which I deeply regret, that I didn't see "taking more time" doing anything to save the relationship. She asked if we were over. I told her that was her decision. Through the course of the weekend, I sat down with her again, and told her I was focusing on me from now on, and that I was letting her go. She wants to take 1 more month at her parent's house, only she has to stay at our apt. right now because the guest bedroom is being redone. They have a couch there she could sleep on, similar to the one she sleeps on at our place. I know she doesn't want to leave the relationship simply because she's never known anything else, not because she wants to be with me right now. I let a friend of mine convince me to have the talk with her about splitting up our stuff, and she said "I thought we were taking another month apart?" She doesn't want to see the reality that it's over, and she's hanging onto "hope" she told me. Hope? Hope for what? Guys, please bludgeon me with the obvious, to BE PATIENT, AND NOT PUSH HER AWAY!!!
I so badly want to tell her tonight how sorry I am for this weekend, and ask her if we can go back to where we were on friday. At least before my outburst she was living at home, calling me when she was on her way home, and we were doing alot as friends. Now she's moving back to her parent's house, and we agreed I wouldn't call her, that I would wait for her to call me. I feel like I'm pushing her right out the door with this last meltdown.
Could someone try to give me some advice, please? I don't want to take steps backward, and I think her going to her parent's house is just that. I can't believe how bad I messed up.
Maybe thats what you need. You feel the need to fix it right now. She feels the need to take some time to figure it out. Been there done that. LEt her go, figure yourself out. You can not let go of your emotions that make you want this to be done right now. I was there saturday, and I controlled myself after many of the friends here helped me. I figure that right now is not the time to talk about your R. If you do, you are not in the right frame of mind to act with your head instead of reacting to your emotions. Every time your emotions get the best of you, you want an answer NOW! Well thats going to end your relationship.
If you want to save your R, take a step back, let her breathe. Focus on your goals. Have oyu set goals? If no do it now.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Thank you. You gave me alot of good advice in my previous thread too. I can't believe how hard it is to detach myself from her. I've been co-dependent for so long. If she's "shut off" her emotions for me and "checked out" of the relationship, what is this "hope" that she's hanging onto? She said she was afraid when I told her we were through. I know what she's afraid of, leaving what she knows. Is that enough for me to try and keep her with me?
Should I talk to her tonight about "taking back" everything we said this weekend? I don't want her to go. I know she'll slip away if I'm out of her sight. Would it be more pushing her if I told her I didn't mean what I said, and that I think we should keep doing what we were doing?
No I wouldn't do that. It seems too pursuing and needy. I would let things simmer a little. Just keep up your DBing and focus on you. Be a better you and keep a PMA, GAL etc. If you feel that you really need to say something, simply apologize for what you did/said and leave it at that.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I just can't get through my thick f**king head that everytime I get emotional with her, and "talk" (read: ball my eyes out), I push her further away. I truly think that the only chance I have now is to let her go. I need to confront my fears too, and having her around is not allowing me to accomplish that.
You should never say or do anything when you are emotional. Emotions don't think things through. But rational, calm and collected thoughts do. I would wait a while after losing it, then when you're calmer you can say what you need to say. It makes a BIG difference!
And sometimes its best not to say ANYTHING at all!
Last edited by sol1696; 03/05/0710:45 PM.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I truly think that the only chance I have now is to let her go.
You got it! Nothing is guarenteed, but letting her have space really is your best bet. If you need to, go to a therapist and vent, vent here, read some type of calming daily meditiations, meditate, go on low dose anti-depressents... but let go and focus on yourself.
The nice thing about letting go is it gives YOU a break too. You can calm down and focus in on yourself. Try to even enjoy the distance. It can be very healthy and healing.
