Your advice always gives me the strength I need to stick to this especially when I feel like giving up!!
Today is one of those days!!!
H came into town this am even though he knows the girls have plans tonite (sleepovers w/ friends), he wants to spend the day with them and part of tomorrow.
It is obvious to me that the reason he is coming into town after all of his antics last week is b/c of the alleged O/W! Of course I do not know this for a fact but I am not an idiot.
So, I looked so good (if I do say so myself) when he picked the girls up this am and he did not even look at me! This is the first time that he has not even tried to hug me, he completely ignored me! I said have a good time today w/daddy and I will see you back here later.
I had a DB coach session this am to help me prepare for seeing him today and she said to be happy and like all is ok. I have a better chance of making him notice that then crying and being a bitch. Well, I was so good at it today and I will do the same when he drops them off, but whats with his attitude??
BTW, he looked like HELL!! The worst I have ever seen him, he flew in this am but his clothes were all wrinkled, his hair was a mess and he looked like he hadn't slept in a month. This could be b/c he was out of town in training all week, but I have never seen him look like this. I am still in shock that he didn't even acknowledge me. He is probaly still upset about court but like I said in my earlier posts he brought this all on himself.
When he drops them off later I will be dressed up to go out w/ friends tonite, HOPEFULLY he will be wondering what I am doing.
I feel like we have hit rock bottom with all of this he is not budging at all and our permanent court date is approaching.
I forgot to mention that his mom was with him this am and she was ACTING as happy as she could, like all is wonderful and NO way could her son have possibly been the one to ruin our lives!!
And shocker they were going to go spend more money on the girls today and tomorrow b/c that is the only way they have ever been able to show love.
Why can't these idiots realize all the girls want is their love and attention not constant unneeded gifts?? They just want their Daddy home!!
Please tell me what to do and WTH is up with his behavior???
J
Last edited by want_to_be_a_family_again; 03/10/0708:39 PM.
Well he just dropped the girls off I went out to meet them and he still didn't even look at me! We didn't say anything to each other!! This has never happened before, I don't get it, he is SO angry at me and for what reason???
I guess he really is in love w/ ow (21 tr old whore girl), this has never been said but what other assumptions am I supposed to make?
I am cracked, devastated, and so hurt, WTH? When is he going to wake up, what is the explanation for his actions?
There is no way of telling when or if your H will wake up. Even if he does I wouldn't expect an explanation for "all of this", he might not have one that he can articulate. I would be willing to guess even if he did it would simply be MLC and he might not even realize that is what is happening.
As for not noticing you, he did. I have read all over that even though it seems they don't pay any attention to you they are actually watching you very closely.
I bet his mom was acting so happy because she was very uncomfortable with the situation and didn't know what else to do. She is trying the best she can. This usually is not easy on the extended family either. They might be just as dumbfounded as the rest of us and this is her son that is making a mess of your lives. She probably just wanted to enjoy a day with him and the girls. Sorry I don't know her stance on your sitch but this might be the case.
I hope you had a nice day today and enjoy your evening out with friends.
not sure how you got that because he was still upset that he must be in love with OW....
When they are in MLC...they have NO IDEA of what is going on...reality is nothing...fantasy is everything...my H was there for several years...and just NOW is finally showing signs of a rational man again....still flashes occassionally back to the MLC alian H but not so much these days....
Does it sound like I have an MLC'er or just a raging lunatic or both:
H came into town to see kids this weekend. I was looking good in front of him and DBing with the best of them! H looked like hell and made no eye contact w/ me and did not try for a hug like he usually does. This is what happened the 1st 2 times I saw him this weekend.
Then Sat night I went out w/ friends and he TM me at 10pm that "I need to make the car payment"??? I thought that was strange and sent back "OK".
On my way home after a couple drinks I tried to call him (we hadn't actually had a "voice" convo in 2 weeks, he didn't answer his phone and I left a vm that I will be sure to make car pymt and to have a good day w/ the girls on Sunday.
So, Sun am he calls me and says what was up with you last night and your VM? He said it sounded like you really wanted to talk to me. I said no I didn't I was just letting you know about the car. He said and acted concerned are you sure you don't want to talk to me about anything? I said no and have a great day w/ the kids! He said fine then bye.
Later when he dropped the girls off to me he didnt even look at me or say anything, got in the car and drove off to the airport to go back home!
Come to find out when he was with girls yesterday he met his best friend and his kid and guess what? His friend is also getting a divorce and they started to compare notes and H was PISSED that he is having to give me so much more $ than his friend is giving his wife. Well, his friend lives in the same state as his kid and has her for 2 weeks out of the month. DUH! But its my fault that he has to pay me more right?
So these are the TM's I got from him today: and I am literally sick!!
1)" I hope you are happy now... I knew you would be that way and try to hurt us as much as possible. Especially since our daughters don't want to come out here to see me. You had something to do w/ that I'm sure. I hope you know what you are doing"
I SAID: I had nothing to do with that! You wanted them there over her bday and she wants to be home for that. I didn't say a word to her about it! What do you want?
2)"I wanted you to keep your word and not take from me what you do not deserve. You have messed up my credit beyond repair and now you just keep taking from me"
I DID NOT RESPOND TO THAT, HE IS MAD B/C THE JUDGE AWARDED ME ALIMONY, CHILD SUPPORT AND FULL CUSTODY, B/C H DID NOT SHOW UP AT COURT (SEE EARLIER POSTS) What he keeps forgetting is that he did not try to fight for anything and I was given only what the law allows. This is also only for temporary orders! I don't know why he says I messed up his credit, we both had the same bills, he always say I ruined us financially, I have always worked and contributed, I don't know where this is coming from??
3)"You know I wasn't even going to tell you this but my friend told me what he is paying his wife and I got so mad at you and he think what you are doing to me is messed up too! But, you keep thinking you are justified"
I SAID, AND I KNOW I SHOULD NOT HAVE "I am tired of you coming out here and pretending it is only to see the girls, everyone knows you have a girlfriend"
4)"Everyone huh? You are the one who set my guidelines to see them. I wanted them for the whole weekend its not my fault they already had plans w/ friends. I am not going to stay home and do nothing. Hell, I expected to run into you at the bar. And no I don't have a GIRLFRIEND!
I SAID ITS OK IF YOU DO CALM DOWN
5)"Thats fine I sure you are out doing your thing, I can't believe you don't care about what you are doing to me but I am going to fight for my rights and I wanted you to know that before it gets ugly"
I SAID I FEEL SAD FOR YOU B/C YOU HAD A WIFE THAT LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND YOU QUIT ON US
6)"I will never quit on my babies...And I also had a wife who has betrayed me and will obviously continue to do it. There is NO hope for us this is the last thing I am going to let you do to me"
7)"You FU**** ME!"
I have not responed to that! I don't know what the hell to say or do! Our whole marriage I did nothing but work, take care of him and the kids and I loved it! He got very upset and then I thought accepted the fact that 4 yrs ago I quit my job and started my own business so I could be at home at better hours for the kids. I did it for my family. My business partner took off with the money and my H has alway blamed me for all of it, I had to get another job. His family has alway revolved around money and they believe you should stay with a company your whole life. H has been w/ his for 15 yrs.
SO, he is so pissed at me and all I did was go to court, the judge made all the rules.
Does he really mean all of this, is there really any hope here? What do I do now and how do I respond to him, this is not the true guy and believe it or not I love this man!!
If the kids were that important to him why hasn't he called to say goodnight the last 2 nights? When he dropped them off yesterday they were crying b/c they miss him and want him to live back here w/ us! But, he hasn't even called to check on them!! If they were so important to him why can't he get a job here??
One more thing my MIL told me that he made some comment to her about how I looked, and she said if you didn't care you wouldn't have noticed, he said I don't care, and she told him BS!
This is ridicuously long sorry, ANY WORDS OF WISDOM, whats my next step? Is he just running scared? What does he mean he is going to fight for what is his? Does he really think the court is going to let the girls live out of state w/ him??
HELP
J
Last edited by want_to_be_a_family_again; 03/13/0705:21 AM.
Hi ....hope you don't take this the wrong way, but do you think he might have found out about your 'date' ? Apparently he doens't actually have an OW.....
Try and let go of the conversations and TM you had, let it go, do not contact him again. And next time do not respond to those messages, I do too, but I've been told to wait 48 hours !!! this gives us time to think and decide what to do or say next if anything !!
Try and detach from all the drama, it's killing you ! Take care !! xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
No he didn't find out about the date. I wish I would not have vented that here I knew it would always come back to haunt me!
Why do you think he doesn't have OW? I have tons of proof!
This is how he has always reacted just not to this extent when money was involved.
The betrayal he was talking about was with my job thing 4 years ago. And he had apologized and supported me and helped get me business and when my partner took off w/ the money H told me not to worry about it and we would be ok!
I think he is just grasping and I am the only one to take it out on, I don't know.
Cinders is right, when you get a message DO NOT respond right away. I usually say something I didn't want to when I do. Even in a verbal convo I'll say "I need to think about that".
Ok, you think there's an OW. How does it help you to "know"? You attack him with it (regardless of what you know or not), how does that help? If there was an OW or not how would it change your sitch? Wou;d you decide something different? I know that you're being blamed for everything and it's unfair (I too am being blamed for "ruining us financially" etc.,etc.). You know this man, is he an alien or what? If it's MLC does that change how you feel versus his just "going off the deep end"? I know all these questions are irritating, but you need to think about them. They'll help you decide what you want and what you plan will be.
I don't know if you think he is in pain or if you can see it through your own. Please work on detaching, this is so bad for you Sweetie.
And yes, you win the prize....you are the one he'll take all this out on. Doesn't matter if he's right or if it's fair. Just know that and maybe it will help you to keep your armour up.
