Thanks again to all for the words of encouragement!!
Today I want nothing more than my H to call or make some contact with me. I know part of the reason I did what I did the other nite is because it felt so good to get the attention that I have been wanting and needing to have. The problem is that it was not from the person it should have been. The lonliness of our situations is the hardest part for me. It doesn't matter how many friends and family you have when the ONE person you want to share everything with doesn't want to take part.
I am still guilt ridden today for my actions from Saturday and I will have to live with that. Unfortunatly it is just one more thing to have to deal with and I did it to myself.
I have gone dark and made no contact since last Sunday and each day is a struggle to not pick up the phone and call H. He is probaly relieved that I have not talked to him, less drama for him. I just wish I knew if I cross his mind.
I love him so much hit hurts, I know you can all relate. I do believe God will forgive me for the sin I have committed and I can only hope that he is working on my H.
You've gotten some very wise feedback. I agree that this should not be spoken to anyone (outside this bb). I was a mistake, you know that, you are remorseful. So what good would it do to speak of it to anyone else, esp. your H? Would that take you closer to your goal? Sometimes we just have to live with our mistakes and find compassion within ourselves. Let's face it, as women we tend to "poll" others to make ourselves feel better about our sitch. If you "believe" ask forgiveness. Either way, you have to forgive yourelf and LEARN for your mistake.
No judgement from me, I know your hurting and needed to know your attractive and lovable and all that. Sometimes I feel that way, sometimes I don't. We've been rejected by the person we love the most, how else could we feel? Bottom line though, is that no one can give this to us but ourselves. So, next time you doubt yourself, look in a mirror and say "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others", "I am beneath no one" and "I fearlessly face any and all challenges". Look into your own eyes and look for the fire in your soul. Can't hurt, might help. ((((((hugs))))))
J, you are right about God forgiving you and you need to forgive yourself. Hanging on to it will only invalidate the request to ask God to forgive you because that is what He commands. You will not forget the transgression, which is good so you can avoid future tempations but it keeps you in a place where you know that it is harmful and not worth a moment of pleasure. Do not think of yourself as bad, just the action. You are a beautiful child of God, period!
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
MissMyFriend....wow...85 pounds...that is really an accomplishment....if that is what you planned on...I know I lost 65 pounds after H left...but some has crept back on since his return....
This is what I told H....I could forgive him...but unless he forgave himself or wanted my forgiveness it was of no benefit to him....
I am not of the reasoning that the OP's H should never know of her one-night A....I don't believe it is right to keep those kinds of things secret...besides...the OM knows and you never know if and when he might say something....even if he said he would never say anything or contact her again....he gave her some pretty nice compliments...and if they were said in sincerety rather then just to get to the finish line he might not be as gone as the OP thinks at this point...eventually all things come out....but I do think that the time has to be right for it to be discussed...and he does bare some responsibility by putting her in that position to be so vulnerable.... Without getting real personal....if protection wasn't used the entire time there are health issues to be addressed as well...and some of the STD's out there are "wait and see's" and not something that you can be tested for and find out right then and there if your still "clean" or not....
MissMyFriend....wow...85 pounds...that is really an accomplishment....if that is what you planned on...I know I lost 65 pounds after H left...but some has crept back on since his return....
This is what I told H....I could forgive him...but unless he forgave himself or wanted my forgiveness it was of no benefit to him....
I am not of the reasoning that the OP's H should never know of her one-night A....I don't believe it is right to keep those kinds of things secret...besides...the OM knows and you never know if and when he might say something....even if he said he would never say anything or contact her again....he gave her some pretty nice compliments...and if they were said in sincerety rather then just to get to the finish line he might not be as gone as the OP thinks at this point...eventually all things come out....but I do think that the time has to be right for it to be discussed...and he does bare some responsibility by putting her in that position to be so vulnerable.... Without getting real personal....if protection wasn't used the entire time there are health issues to be addressed as well...and some of the STD's out there are "wait and see's" and not something that you can be tested for and find out right then and there if your still "clean" or not....
MissMyFriend....wow...85 pounds...that is really an accomplishment....if that is what you planned on...I know I lost 65 pounds after H left...but some has crept back on since his return....
This is what I told H....I could forgive him...but unless he forgave himself or wanted my forgiveness it was of no benefit to him....
I am not of the reasoning that the OP's H should never know of her one-night A....I don't believe it is right to keep those kinds of things secret...besides...the OM knows and you never know if and when he might say something....even if he said he would never say anything or contact her again....he gave her some pretty nice compliments...and if they were said in sincerety rather then just to get to the finish line he might not be as gone as the OP thinks at this point...eventually all things come out....but I do think that the time has to be right for it to be discussed...and he does bare some responsibility by putting her in that position to be so vulnerable.... Without getting real personal....if protection wasn't used the entire time there are health issues to be addressed as well...and some of the STD's out there are "wait and see's" and not something that you can be tested for and find out right then and there if your still "clean" or not....
I could not agree with you more imLin. At an appropriate time, that information is the right of the spouse to know but just not now. That info would be used against her at this point to justify her H actions. If he is willing to work on the M and they are going through counseling that might be a good time. That is going to have to be her decision when the best time will be. I certainly hope my W comes clean about her EA/PA? if it did get physical. Would I forgive her? Yes, if it is over.
Definitely need to consider it before sexual relations between the H and W.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
That is what I meant...I wouldn't just go and tell him now...but I do think this is something that needs to be addressed if it appears they are on the road to recovery...a clean start can only be had after all is finally out and dealt with...I also would recommend this be done in the arena of counseling if possible... ....but I do think that the time has to be right for it to be discussed...and he does bare some responsibility by putting her in that position to be so vulnerable....
imLin, I agree because in all my years of marriage, I would not have even come as close as I did recently to having a liaison. I was looking to be loved and accepted but was fortunate I was working on my relationship with God to be able to stop it before it happened. I am responsible for my actions but it made it more likely with what is happening in my life.
And thanks about the 85 pounds. It started with food poisoning and then I found out shortly afterwards my W was through with me so I could not eat for about a week. After that it was determination and a lot of prayer. I wanted her to see what she would be missing
If J's H was being where he was supposed to be and loving his W like he should, the sitch probably would never have happened.
J, sorry for talking about you like you aren't here. We all care about you very much and we will stick by you all the way through this. Do not give up!
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I am very appreciative as always for your continued support and kind words!!
Before I babble on I wanted to let you all know that I do think and pray for you!! The hurt and stress that we go through on a daily basis is insane. I think that most people would not be able to endure what we are going through. I have realized how weak I have been feeling and yes aside from my major slip up I see that WE are all so strong. The WAS's are the weak, cowardly ones. That actually makes me feel sorry for them. They are so broken that it doesn't even phase them what daily gut wrenching struggles we have to endure. And guess what we are doing it and we are surviving it and we are becoming even better stronger people because of it. While they are out there in playtime living it up and acting like children, we are all at home raising ours! We are the lucky ones!! This all finally clicked for me. My H can put on his fake little smile but I know he is just flailing (sp?) around out there and that the crash is enevitable. Maybe that is why we are forced to be so strong right now so that when they wake up and want to come home we have the strength to get throught the next turn of events of working them back into our lives, if we so choose.
So, with this strength I am going to go to court tomorrow and just let the cards fall how they will. The judge will be who decides what H will have to provide. And I know what ever that will be H will be upset at me for it. But, oh well, I am there to protect myself and my kids financially. I wish just one time I could say to H, well I didn't choose this you did, so now you will have to pay! But, I can't and we all know eventually they will figure that out for themselves.
Thank you for helping me to find the strength I feel tonight and I will say a prayer for God's will for ALL of us tonight. We are going to be ok. It is the WAS's loss, they must be in la la land to want to give any of us up!
Heres to a good night sleep for everyone, wish me luck at court tomorrow and I will fill you in tomorrow.
