Thanks NOP, thing is he'd go without for months and I enjoy doing it. I'm just fed up of his selfish attitude, not just to sex but everything has to be his way. Now I'm back to single..ish I hope you don't mind me using this thread to journal, it really helps. We have a real tug going on with my S schooling right now. I am completely torn about doing what my S wants or what my OH wants. Most of the time things go my OH's way to keep the peace, but the times when real conflict arise are when I dig my heels in about something, and I'm not prepared to make my S suffer in a school he doesn't want to attend, to keep OH happy. As you can probably see we have real problems with any sort of compromise, mostly this isn't too much of a problem we all acquiesce to OH but on matters I feel strongly about and don't then they drag on forever. This is a small thing and not something I've mentioned more than once to OH 'cos it's just not worth the fight. We have 2 doors into our lounge one from the front hall and one from the back. To get to the lounge you come in the front door to the front hall where there is a door to our lounge, (blocked by sofa at other side), walk through the study, utility room, kitchen and dining room to the lounge. There is a bathroom in the front hall and if you are in the lounge and want to use it , you must walk back through the dining room, kitchen, utility room and study to get to it, although there is a door directly to the hall. My OH decided this door was better shut off and has moved the sofa along to block it. After I'd been back for a couple of months, when I rearranged the furniture I opened it back up, to find the next night he'd blocked it up. I told him I preferred it open, as if we ever have anyone call I have to take them right through the house, (my utility room often has washing drying, my OH also knocked a wall down in September and the ceiling is still hanging down, floor patchy etc..) he said he wants it kept blocked and to leave the sofa alone. My cynical side thinks this is because of his porn viewing on the PC, if one could walk directly from the lounge through the small front hall to the study he wouldn't have time to shut it off, but our house creaks a lot and he is forewarned when people are coming to the study via the kitchen. (If so, this is a good thing, I'd rather the kids didn't stumble in on it). When I go over this stuff in my head, I think other people can't live like this, it's stupid there has to be give and take. The door is just one thing, EVERYTHING has to be the way my OH likes, or he makes live miserable. I wanted it to work very badly, but feel myself becoming a non entity, I am usually a happy easy-going person, and wanting to drink a bottle of wine just so I can go to bed is not good for me or my family. My role in life is a caregiver though, I work as a nurse and know I need to be needed that is what gives me purpose and when I'm on my own I feel empty.
I called last night to say I was staying over here, he said he'd already guessed so, didn't call to ask, or make sure I wasn't in a hospital or anything though...it was a quick call.
Today I should think he'll do his usual trip to the library and probably as weather is so lovely do some work out there.
I have some free tickets to go bowling, should I call and ask him if he'd like to go later or leave it and see if he calls me.
When I was writing this I was thinking if I was in true DB'ing I should probably try not to even think of what he is doing or how I could spend time with him...is that right?
I was feeling so lonely and bored yesterday I wanted to call him or just go over. When I thought about it longer I realised I didn't want to go over 'cos I missed him or wanted to see him, but just because I was lonely. I didn't go over or call. Today was his birthday and all year he has complained that I didn't call last year, (we'd been living apart for almost 2 years). Today I TM early, telephoned a little later, went over to the house and left cards from the kids and me as well as his present and a cake. He called when he got in from work to say thank you and that it was very thoughtful. I can betcha that within the next two weeks he will complain that I didn't make any effort to see him. The thing is I didn't want to do any of the above. I did it partly as I felt sorry for him, knowing that if I didn't do anything he wouldn't get anything from anyone, and partly because I didnt want the earache and condemnation if I didn't. What a b1tch I must be.
