To make a long story short... my H has been cheating on me since November 2005. I kicked him out twice because of it. He has been living with her in her apartment since June 2006. We have not had much contact with each other since June and things needless to say have been very touchy. We both blame each other for things.
He has said he would like to come home this Friday and I agreed. He said don't expect him to come home right from work everday, because he needs his space and want to go out for a couple of beers with his friends. I said, well, I asked, you are not going ot go out everyday are you? (which is what he has practically done for years) he said no. I then said (this is the big one for me) I do expect you to not cheat on me anymore. I expect you to end your relationship with the gf totally and completely before coming home on Friday. NO CONTACT. (I said this very nicely). He said, I know.
I have been reading the Divorce Remedy book, but does anybody foresee something that I would not know that has been through this before or any advice anyone can give me. Or maybe give me a "heads up" on how things may go at first. I don't have a clue how to handle this, I don't feel I know my H anymore, with all the lying and cheating and shear disrespect he has shown me over the past couple of years, but I am willing to give it my all. help? Than You.
cissy, I wouldn't think him coming home is a good idea right now. Especially since he answered your plea with a "I know." instead of "I WON'T!"
I've been where you are and believe me, if you don't think you know who he is and you can't trust him or forgive him yet, why would you want him back? It is only going to hurt even more to have him around.
Please reconsider this.
Me 31 WAH 30 M 5 Together 14 years S 4 divorced 7/11/07
I half agree w/ Rosy. I know my H has taken advantage of a few loopholes in our convos, so that's why I had to make sure I got a good answer. Like when I mentioned to him that I wanted us to be in agreement that he is to have no contact w/ow for ANY reason, even if she is just trying to be friendly, etc. I made sure I got a "yes".
Well, from what I've seen, cheating men dont' want to hurt the ow and either delay telling them it is over or want to wean off them gradually, and even if he moves in w/you the guilf of "doing her wrong" will be w/him for a while. He needs time to mourn the death of an R and might not be open to you right away.
If he used to go our every day after work, he prob was trying to escape something at home (and the reasons why he left and had an A). Could you both come up w/a plan in which both of you go our together? I suggest this book to most women, becuase we are full of stupid preconceptions about men, please read "For Women Only Discussion Guide: A Companion to the Bestseller about the Inner Lives of Men" by Shaunti Feldhahn or "The proper care and feeding of husbands"
The first months are the hardest, when both of you are at odds w/each other, when you wait for "the other shoe to drop" and when either or both of you think it isnt' going to work out. It is like that, anytime you are raising a new R from the ground up, when trust has to be renewed and when both need to be forgiving. An awesome piecing book is "Healing the hurt in your marriage", I have an excerpt of it on my thread, it deals with the pain and hurt of betrayal and the art of forgiving.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
He never showed? What is going on? I talked to him yesterday. Here was pretty much the conversation...
This was at 4:30 p.m.: I said hi, he said, what are you doin? I said cleaning how bout you? He said, I'm just gong to have a beer with my friend, then I will be home. It was someone I have not seen in a while, so I said to say hello to him and he said ok. I then said, are you going to eat dinner here tonight and he said no, you's go ahead and eat without me. I said ok and said talk to you later and practically before, I said later, he had said by and hung up.
Around 9:45p.m. it was getting late and he doesn;t have a key yet and I called, he did not answer and I was cheery and left a message saying where I hid the key to get in if I was asleep when he got home and see you later. I never asked any questions in the message or anything... well, no show and no call. What happened.
Do you think asking him if he was going to have dinner her would have made him mad so that he changed him mind. I know he wasn't going out with his guy friend, I knew it was his gf who he has been living with, but wouldn't he have the descency to call or something?
Any thoughts? help? I am really worried what I could have said or maybe it's just nothing or maybe she was begging him to stay or worse, maybe he decided to stay, but no phone call. This move he has been telling me he will be moving back home on Friday for a week now?
Ok, This morning at 7:00 a.m. I called and left a message saying "Hey, are you ok? Woke up this morning and noticed you never came. Just worried about you, give me a call, thanks, bye". Would you all consider this pushy? I am not questioning him about why he didn't come or why didn't you call or yelling or nagging. I am very anxious and worried and just about jumping out of my Skin!!!!
Ok, he called me back this morning. He said good morning. I said good morning, are you ok? he said, yea, I just got up and I got too drunk last night. (never stopped him before, I think the gf conned him into going out and probably got him to stay out late on purpose - oh I can't wait till he is away from her! I bet she's having a fit that he is coming back to me. She probably wanted me to get angry and yell at him so he would tell me he is not coming home - nope I didn't do that- too bad for her!!!!).
We chit chatted a little and no nagging or questioning on my part. i am proud of myself. (even though I was dying to say why didn't you call me? i was so worried!!!) i just think it is so rude not to even call. But this is how he is or has been for years. I will have to read that one book. What is it? A guide for women, all about men?
Anyhow, good news, he said he was going to eat breakfast and get his things together and then he will be home. (Well, day 2 of him supposedly coming home. I am going to have to keep very busy). I did not sleep too good last night and I feel like I am going to have a stroke! Anybody else feel this way?
