I have an appt. with c on friday. I plan on discussing so much with him that I don't know where to begin. D11 is having some difficulties with her best friend (fighting--not speaking-blaming), she is having anxiety attacks at swimming and now this. I did not react when she told me this. In fact, I have said nothing. I will not discuss H and his accusations with her. I do know that he pumps her for info about what is going on at home. I don't know why. It is not like I am out on the town every night wooping it up. I am just trying to be the best mom I can be under the circumstances. The C we see is very well regarded for his work with kids. I just hope he is reading into H like I am and not falling for the manipulation that H can put forth.
My problem with H is that he has filed for D but doesn't want to have to be bound by custody agreement, financial agreement. He wants to still be able to come and go as he pleases and see d11 whenever he is available. He is so out there that I just don't know if he even knows what he is doing.
Anyway, hopefully this c can help us all. H is so convinced that I am poisoning S14 against him that I am worried about what he is doing to "retaliate" with d11. She is so young and torn.
He is still in hiding after the cc incident. I am hoping he is looking into it and will see that this is not a card that I recently took out in his name to hurt him, but an old card never paid off that is out there because he is in lala land.
Anyway, this whole thing with d11 has me so upset I can cry. She is so young and innocent and I know that inside she is hurting so very much. I feel like s14 is the lucky one. He has detached with anger for now and maybe he will be ok.
Anyway, this whole thing with d11 has me so upset I can cry. She is so young and innocent and I know that inside she is hurting so very much. I feel like s14 is the lucky one. He has detached with anger for now and maybe he will be ok.
I know how you feel about the kids, trust me I am in the same boat right now. Just be careful, with your S14 being detached with anger. Talk to him if you can. YOu don't want him growing up, thinking that if he just shuts down and not talk, that things will be solved.
My Son does this too. The therapist told me to take him out alone, and have a day date with him, then when he is comfortable, just let him talk about his feelings, and then , you got it, validate.
I hope this nes thread brings you some peace sugar!
I do try to keep an open line of communication with s14. He and I are very close. He isn't one to talk too much about his feelings but I do let him know that it is ok. His counselor said that he is filled with so much anger he needs to let it out at H. Not pretty.
Speaking of H. He just called to see what time d11 is coming home today (early dismissal). Brief conversation. He was very short with me. Still in the punishing stage I guess. I don't know what to make of it. I am extremely paranoid that he is out there trying to find info to slam me....I just wish he would open his eyes and see all of the damage he is doing to our family by behaving this way.
Anyway, I am not sure what is going to happen with C tomorrow. It is just he and I. I would like to see what he thinks of H behavior. He did agree with me that he is in crisis. Should be interesting. In the meantime, D11 will be spending the afternoon with H. Should be interesting.
Met with S14s C today. We talked about s14 and the anger he has towards H. He also told me that s14 is feeling sad and depressed at times. S14 is devistated at losing family and the thought of the house being sold. He feels scared and angry at H.
C also talked a little about H. Seems to agree that he is in crisis and told me the best advice he can give me is to take one day at a time and keep moving forward. This is something H has to either resolve on his own or dissolve the family. Nothing I can really do just keep on keeping on. He did seem to agree that H is latching on to d11 with everything he has because she right now is trying to please everyone. He seems to think that things aren't turning out how H had planned but he doesn't know what path H will take. I guess only God knows that.
D11 said that H was by today and not a happy camper. D11 can't find her cell phone (her total link to h as they text a lot at night when he is at work and she is in bed). D11 said that H accused s14 of taking it and hiding it on them. Little does he know that s14 spent a good hour last night looking for the phone. Oh...how they can blame just about anyone.
Anyway, went out to dinner with my dad while the d11 was at swim and s14 was at a friends. D11 and I have a shopping trip to go on as I got tax refund and she needs some clothes that I can't put off buying. She is growing like a weed. Anyway, wednesday is H's birthday and I don't know if I should pick up something for him...considering I really haven't spoken to him since the credit card incident and I am not really sure what to get him. Any suggestions would be helpful.
One last thing, got a restricted hangup on the cell last night at 2:00 am. First time all week. I wonder if I am on his mind. I sure hope so.
I bet the affirmations from the C felt pretty good. Although, having children who are angry and fearful, is hard. I know. Having your S in counseling will help, and give him a place to vent. I know my S said he'd like to go back this past weekend. I'm looking even harder at ways to afford doing just that. Listen to the C, follow his advice the best you can. It's felt good to me, that someone else was listening to the children too.
As for the gift.... I usually left it up to the children, if they wanted to give him a present, along with the choice of what it was, as long as I could afford it. I had them wrap it, and give it to him too. Don't know if this was the right thing to do or not, but it is what I did.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Mopsey, Ask the children what they would like to get their father for his birthday. If I were you, I would get him a nice card, nothing mushy and leave it at that.
Your "C" sounds like he's a good one. He is a safe place for your children to go and talk to someone. They need this sounding board more now than ever.
As for your h, whenever he calls, be pleasant, but don't allow him to rattle your cage. Oh, yes, he's still in the punishing mode, but when he discovers that you aren't taking his bait and worrying about his behavior, he'll stop it. As for that phone call, your h is checking in w/home. He's very paranoid right now and wants to ensure that you are home as well.
Mopsey, he's a tough nut to crack, but they all can and will crack at some point. You are a good mother and never let anyone tell you differently. Continue to do what you are doing and don't allow your h to have power over the way that you are doing things in your life and w/your children.
Are you up for a challenge? Come join the other ladies on my thread/s and see if you have something extra to add from your point of view?? Thanks muchly
Mopsey, Just stopping by to see how you and the children are faring this weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Are you up for a challenge? Please won't you come join the other ladies on my thread/s and see if you have something extra to add from your point of view?? Thanks muchly
