Sorry guys, but this is two posts that I took from one section, to bring here. Well, we all know why we come to this forum, but im new here. I am married, I have 2 kids, and one on the way. I have a good career, that I am happy with for the most part. I am a family man, I take care of my family, being that I am the only one in my family that works. The wife was going to school... But, I just wanted to introduce myself. I have a son age 4 and a daughter age 3. She has told me that she is sorry for everything and that she don’t know what she was thinking, things just happened. Oh yeah, I have been married for 4 years, almost 5, and we have been together since 99. I started a thread, that provides all the detail to my problem. Ok guys, here is the reason that I am here. My wife started talking to this guy in October, she was calling and texting him. So I have this feeling that things are not right, so I check my phone bill(s) online, and that is how I discovered this. Well, I wonder why this number is popping up so much, so I check her phone for voice mails. Sure enough, there is one on there from this number, and it confirmed what I was thinking. It was another man.... So I wake her immediately to find out what all of that was about, and of course her response was o nothing. I tell her that I dont appreciate another man calling you. Anyhow, to make this story extremely short, we argue over the next few months about her talking to this guy. She remains firm on them just being friends. Well, I find out on the 11th of February that she has been having an affair with this guy. How do I find out? He sends me a message telling me everything. The message is titled "your wifes baby". Well, I ask her if she has been having an affair, and her response is "yes". Well, she is 13 weeks pregnant and says that its a pretty good chance that the baby may be his. Needless to say, after all this, im speechless, thinking why does this have to happen to me???? The bad thing is, is that they messed around from the end of october to the beginning of december. She didnt tell me and he decided that he would... She said that her first night cheating with him was a night that she left the house, (supposedly mad at me). When she left the house, she stayed at a hotel and that is when he came by.They fooled around about once a week after that… She said after about the second time that they stopped using protection. She knows absolutely nothing about this guy either. Can you guys please help me? For those of you that didn’t read my introduction, I have 2 kids already, and I was happy that I had a baby on the way, but it may not be mine. Please give me advice and what you think… If you need more info, just ask.
I'm sorry for what you're going through but I'm glad you're in the right place to start with. First of all, I'm assuming that your W is still living in the house. I am pretty much in the same boat as you are except my WAW ran when she found out she was pregnant and we've been separated for like 8 months until I found out about everything. I won't hijack your thread here so if you're interested, it's probably better for you to go through some of my sitch. Just follow this link Unintentionally testing the waters.
What you have to do for yourself now is to keep yourself busy and do stuff to entertain you make you feel good. If you have access to a therapist, do it. I'm assuming you've read the Divorce Busting book otherwise, I suggest you pickup a copy. Stop snooping since you already know what you need to know.
The question you have to ask yourself is are you at this point willing to take the child and raise the child as your own? When she said the shild could very well be his, do you concur with this? I mean perhaps if you don't mind my saying so, you were not intimate with her at the time the baby was presumably conceived. Otherwise, ask yourself if you're willing to submit to a paternity test. It's amazing how these people get so careless about sex that they have total disregard for what they could be getting from unprotected sex or worse yet getting pregnant. Don't get me wrong the unborn is innocent and had nothing to do with this. It is these two consenting adults who are having illicit encounters with reckless abandon.
As with many husbands in my position, I absolutely have no respect for a man who goes after a married woman. Absolutely nothing. Pardon my french but I think they are SC***BAG!!!!!
There hope that makes you just a lil better. Remember to vent here and not in her presence.
I a women with a H who left me and 3 weeks later is living with the OW who I know. They are 12 years apart and I use to watch her kids. I have found a wonderful website http://WWW.break-free-from-the-affair.com. Go to the bottom of the first page and it has archives to check out. Hope this helps. Take care of yourself and the kids.
Be very careful about using any advice on this board. In my opinion, a lot of the people offering it here are in serious denial. They are so focused on "DivorceBusting" that they lose sight of reality, and when they start giving advice it's almost as if they want you to make the same mistakes they've made and suck you down the same hole so they'll have company. I doubt that endless analysis and documentation of your situation on these boards will help you. So, what would I do if I were you? I would:
#1 Read Michele's books carefully and re-read, several times, the sections that talk about affairs.
#4 Go to couple's crisis counseling with your wife.
#5 Go to counseling on your own.
#6 Talk to the best family law attorney you can find, NOW, not later.
## 1 through 5 are obvious, but why #6? Because you can't even begin to address this situation intelligently if you don't know all the things in play here, and, unless you're an attorney, trust me, you have no clue what you may face in divorce court.
There are things you need to know now to protect yourself and your kids if your marriage doesn't rise phoenix-like from this burning mess.
Michele's books don't focus on this aspect of the situation and appropriately so, but one problem I think I see over and over on these boards is that people blindly focus on her methods and don't realize that they should, at the same time, be protecting themselves and their kids through proper consultations with family law attorneys along the way.
You're situation is particularly complicated because if your W's baby turns out to be the OM's, then he will probably have various rights and responsibilities that you need to know about, too.
