I am very thankful of that as well...one thing my husband kept telling me is that he is a broken man...but he succeeded in breaking the cycle of abuse...
He was/is a wonderful father...he was and hopefully will be aain someday a wonderful husband...he has been hurt and damaged more then I had ever imagined...
Think for a moment about a 4 yr. old boy and 3 yr. old sister being forced to perform sexual acts with each other in front of others...how sick is that...then these others when on to molest his sister...this went on for about a year...then the father picked up where they left off...he and the grandfather, uncles, and cousins all molested his sister...sometimes in front of him...when he got his sister to tell their grandmother and great aunt...the only female family close to them they were shamed...told to never speak about such nasty things again...how could they even say those things about their father!!!...so the abuse continued in silence
I knew of some of this stuff...but not nearly all of it...it breaks my heart but at the same time helps me to understand the emotional turmoil and confusion that my H ended up in...I love him unconditionally...and I will for as long as I live!
Basically he broke the cycle by not becoming abusive to his own children...part of why he disappeared was because at one point he was afraid of what he might do...he felt so broken...of course I knew he would never hurt his children in any way...
He had a few bouts with alcohol...nothing too serious...it was after he left that he developed his alcohol addiction...that was the darkest time of his life since getting away from the abusers....
chicki...how do youknow what the child abuse consisted of with your H...I thought I knew until my H actually told me just recently what he had been through...we had been together since we were teens...yet he couldn't trust me to tell me the things that happened...he had never told anyone of the horrors...he held it in all those years until things just exploded...
I haven't posted lately, as there wasn't much to tell. That has changed, for the worst!
Husband called and left a message last Friday "I'll be over on Monday so we can fill out Divorce papers. I don't appreciate hearing about my parent's death, my PTSD & my religion from OW's husband...."
As it turns out, when OW's Husband calls her, my H listens in. He didn't say anything "bad" about my H, just that he's concerned about him having PTSD.
I waited for him on Monday, he never showed. Then Tues night he called me to tell me that he's only going to make the house payments, that the rest is up to me to pay. He continued on to say that I've had plenty of time to find a full time job (he'd agreed I should wait for a full time postion where I am) I lost it. I cried and carried on, and reminded him of his promise to not cut off the money. I even begged him not to do this. I said "I have loved you with all my heart, and let you go with love. I have put your happiness before my own, and I have requested only one thing...that you not ruin our credit" He began to cry for the first time and said "this isn't easy for me either. You're right, I did promise to come through with the money and I will" I then suggested that if he wants to be free financially that we need to sell the property, he agreed. He then told me that he was going to file for a D in a couple of weeks.
As we were hanging up, OW's H called on his break at work. I couldn't hide that I was upset and he demanded that I tell him why. I foolishly told him about my conversation with H. He in turn got upset and left work and called his W. Now, she's madder than hell at me, telling him that I'm being manipulative, and to stop talking to me. She just can't stand it that he talks to me at all. He tells her things like how nice I am, how much I love my H, and how I tell him a different story than my H tells her.
OW recently told him that if she and my H break up, that they stand a good chance of getting back together. They are both so cruel to us!
OW's husband and I have become friends, and we talk quite a bit. We often cry on the phone together, and appreciate each other's support. Yes, we have addressed how we must be careful, and we are.
Any time my H gets mad he over reacts in this way, always has. The "all or nothing thinking" kind of thing, which I recently have come to understand I do a fair amount of also. (thanks to Marcika)
After doing so well, I have fallen, and fallen hard. I've re-read my posts, and am thinking of how I picked myself up before, and must do so again. And I will.
Danu
Everything happens for a reason, and through this journey I will learn many things about myself
He may think that that is all he is going to pay, but the courts may have a different opinion. You must protect yourself financially. MLCers do not think clearly.
I am glad you stood up for yourself. Good for you! And, try not to care whether OW is mad at you. Who is she, but a homewrecker, anyway. And, I wonder who is the bigger manipulator. Keep standing up for yourself, and don't let their little tantrums get to you. Perhaps, reality is starting to set in for them? Did the OW honestly think you were just going to fade away, and that there would be no repercussions or consequences? Shows you how dumb they can be, and how much in denial they are.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks for the vote of confidence. I guess I did stand up for myself after all. I hate begging! But, I do know that he has no choice but to meet his financial obligations. It's the first time he's cried since this started a year ago. Maybe that's a good sign.
I don't care if OW is mad at me. She has no reason to be. I have done nothing wrong, she just doesn't want to face what she's done. And, I'm sure she sees me as a threat because I'm talking to her H. I believe she's also in MLC, and I feel sorry for her. Her H and I pray for both of them!
I read through a lot of postings today, and this website has helped me get my attitude adjusted. I'm feeling much better.
Thanks again!
Danu
Everything happens for a reason, and through this journey I will learn many things about myself
