I have come accross a thought that I think may be appropriate... One often learns more out of 10 days of agony than ten years of contentement. - Merle Shain
Hang in there you are doing great!!!
Me 31 H 36 2 kids (D2,D4) Status: enjoying my life all by my big self!!!;) "Life is short eat desert first!!"
I can't get over how complicated this has gotten. Since OW's parents still love her husband, and continue to have contact with him, she's blaming him for her mother getting mad at her for having an affair!!!! She's threatening him with a D again. Poor guy. He's freaking out again. I've tried to explain displaced anger, etc. and maybe he hears 1/2 of what I say, I don't know.
My H hasn't returned my phone call about getting together to discuss the bills since I had to cancel with the flu. With all this "Jerry Springer" stuff going on, I am laying low. We aren't behind in any payments, so I'm OK with waiting. My H is the kind of guy who avoids any negative interaction with anybody, so I'm sure this isn't sitting well with him either.
I have no expectations with these latest developments. Things like this could push the two of them closer together, or it could help OW to wake up and see that she's pissed her kids off (they wont go see her if my H is there, they hate him) her parents don't approve, of course, and neither does her best friend who's renting her the house.
Danu
Everything happens for a reason, and through this journey I will learn many things about myself
how are you doing today? I am just checking in on you!
I hope things are going ok, Has H contacted about the bills? I know that you say that they are not behind but when or how long do you wait? Just wanted to say that.
but if OW is in her own MLC will she wake up? I oh so hope she does. b/c they don't see that what they are doing is wrong. And when everyone else is telling them that they are wrong, won't they run to what is "wrong"?? I don't know just my thought.
gotta run. My d's are waiting for me. Have a Great night.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Hi TabD & anyone else following my story! Hope you all are doing well.
H never returned my call, so I had to call him. He did come over and we discussed the bills. He's really out of it. He spent all the money he had from last payday, and had to use the money he got this last payday to pay his 1/2 of the rent and his car payment, so I got no money to pay bills other than 1/2 of his paycheck which gets direct deposited into our joint account. This means he "blew" $900 from the paycheck before last. I just don't want to know what he bought, so didn't ask. Anyway, he stayed about an hour and a half, and acted like he wanted to stay longer, but I had to get to my counceling app. I told him he could stay, and reminded him that this is "Your home" and you can be here anytime. He just said the typical "I know". At one point I told him "I love you, and I want you to come home" gave him a hug, he hugged me back, and I was the first to let go. Then, I took his face in my hands and repeated it. Of course, his answer was........"I know".
All in all it was a good meeting, and the bills will just get paid a couple of days late. I'm not going to sweat this small stuff. I've freaked out about a lot less than this, and I just can't do it anymore!
Danu
Everything happens for a reason, and through this journey I will learn many things about myself
I would agree that persons who suffered abusive childhoods tend to have far worse MLC's then most people....My H too suffers from PTSD associated with repressed memories of his childhood...
I can relate to so much you have written although I didn't handle it quite as well as you did...
I would love to hear the whole story, PTSD, abuse, etc.
I haven't had much new info to post, not much new here. Just still working on getting my life back. No contact with H unless it's payday really. And that is good for me so far.
Danu
Everything happens for a reason, and through this journey I will learn many things about myself
Sorry to barge,but i need some advice regarding abuse and saw something regarding abuse here. Can someone check out my last post under SAD WHEN OW COMES BEFORE HIS KIDS?
I don't really know how to tell the "story"...H basically was raised by an abusive incestrious pedophile of a father and other male relatives...
At the point his mother tried to flee with her 3 children she left them with the only relatives she had...not knowing the hell she was leaving her children in...when she returned they would not allow her to have her children back...at this point there had been numerous acts of sadicious child abuse and mental torment...
Then father shows up with "new" wife...the kids think they are being saved...only one sibling is not his and must stay behind...they all remember this trauma to this day...well the rescue turned out not to be...father sexually abused step-daughters and basically had to flee the state when the new wife found out what he was doing...all along he had been physically abusive to her as well which was the main reason the mother had fled from him with her children...
Life goes on like this with father raping his daughter along with other male family members until daughter reaches in to her teen years...she later became addicted to drugs (duh!), spent time in jail, and is now recovered and doing well...
Sibling left behind endured all sorts of sadistic abuse and turned to both drugs and alcohol to soothe his pain...to this day he is still in bad shape emotionally...reunited with his mother about 13 years ago, he now lives with her
My H seemed to be the only one not effected by all of this...he talked of it minimally during our life together...then when it all came tumbling down with his MLC he totally fell apart...started having flash backs...felt suicidal at times...and basically made a major mess of his life in a very short period of time...he was diagnosed with PTSD from the child abuse that was suppressed for years...he also is a recovering alcoholic as of this year...as I said, when this came out he totally fell apart...
I found their sibling that they were seperated from about 23 years ago...it wasn't till 13 years ago that I found their mother...the whole unit has been reunited...thankfully their father is dead along with most of the other abusers...the ones that their other sibling grew up with are probably continueing the abuse with their own children/grandchildren now...who knows...it is just so sick
