Puffy is toast. You rock. Normally I don't post ont he weekends as I am a poor broke girl with no internet at home but I am at Mommy and daddy's so..hee hee for me.
#1...you go nowhere. Dbing isd for you not Puffy and you did what you needed to do to feel strong. Believe me when I say I know that shaking mad rush and I am proud at you for not leveling him with one of your boxing moves. #2...Puffy doesn't deserve to even hear your voice. He doesn't even deserve your anger (cause we know you are hot when you are mad!!! ) #3...I love you #4...Way to protect your kids....the fact that he would put your son in harms way makes me want to slug him and that he thinks you are paycho for protecting YOUR CHILD just shows what an adle brained freak-show he really is. #5....Let the whore have him...he is toad slime and you ar ebetter off alone that with someone who brings you down #6....I love you (I know I already said it but I'm saying it again)
I love what you said to Puffy. It got it off your cheest and you can let it go now. Let him have those thoughts and let him stew over them. He knows you are right.
Don't you dare go anywhere.
Oh, and don't worry about today. I thought you needed a day just to yourself. Rain check? Definately.
I am realy touched by how you father went to bat for you, defending his little girl, and your brother, too, by hanging up the phone. Between your family and this BB ( and others I am sure) you have so much support. That speaks a lot about you.
Oh Lissett, I said those same exact things to my H, on more than one occasion I might add. Everything from telling him what a whore the OW was, to telling him that she would never be around my kids. He was quiet too, other than the, "you have no choice if she is around our kids" and the "don't you dare do anything to her" responses I got from him. Obviously, we don't have to do anything to the OW, the fact that they are with these aliens is punishment enough.
Unfortunately I still hold out a little hope for my H, but believe me, I know where you are coming from when you say that you are done with your marriage for good.
Don't you dare leave this board. We all love you way too much.
Lissett, I have never posted to you before but I have to tell you I admire you for standing up to your H. I also want to tell you to stick to your guns about allowing the children around the OW. My H brought our d11 around his MOW this summer and then asked her to lie to me and not tell me who they were with. He tries to bring MOW into d11s life and it really hurts. My s14 won't have anything to do with MOW. He is extremely angry and hurt.
Our C says that children should not be around other people (for either of us) for 2 years because these new R rarely last. They are rebound relationships. Bandaids. And if the children become attached to this person and then there is a breakup, that is another loss for the children to deal with besides initial M break up. (I hope I am making sense).
My husband also says it is not his MOW fault our marriage is where it is at. He says that she didn't do this I did. Bad finances and his low self esteem....man he needs C worse than any of us.
So hang tough as far as the kids go. OW are not going to last forever. Mopsey
Our C says that children should not be around other people (for either of us) for 2 years because these new R rarely last. They are rebound relationships. Bandaids. And if the children become attached to this person and then there is a breakup, that is another loss for the children to deal with besides initial M break up. (I hope I am making sense).
You are making total sense. Lissy knows this about me, so I know she won't mind my explaining to you, mopsey. My H's former ow has a young child. This ow's husband was not in the picture for whatever reason, thus the child had no father figure. Guess who ow forced into that role? Yes, my H. This confused the child; her mother was telling her this was her new "daddy" and she began to refer to my H as this. We have no children of our own, so my H bonded with this child. It was horrible for me. In the end of the A, it was the little girl who had the hardest time because suddenly he was no longer there for her. Even up to a few months ago, the ow was still calling my H and putting her child on the phone with him, in a sad attempt to get him back. It is a sick game they can play. So I agree, it is best not to bring young children into these R's until it is truly going somewhere. In the case of these affairs, it almost never works out, and the kids suffer most.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Well first, you should probably know that I'm with everyone else...you made no mistake...that was just Bitch-Mode. Honestly...it can be wickedly fun at times.
But I do want to throw this thought out there...
You have been so focused on Detachment...naming your threads that and such. I didn;t think of it until reading this new thread...but could you possibly have mistaken detachment for building an emotional wall of protection?
Detaching is not about separating ourselves from our true spouse, from our spouse spiritually or intuivally. It is about sepearting from the drama. I've said before that it is about detaching from the emotional rollercoaster and not the person. That is probably often mistaken as detach emotionally...No detach from emotions...emotions being nouns separate (external) from the person. Feelings--emotionally--being internal.
Hmm...so wo sorts of emotions
1. Feelings, Internal 2. I don't know what to call it (naming ideas please?), External
Detach from 2, not 1.
I think you may have mistaken what you are doing for detaching. You've seemed so strong for most of this journey...but you;ve also seemed as though you detached a bit too far...from the true core Puffy. Okay...there is no true core Puffy...that (not he) is waht you need to detach from. Puffy is a name for the temporary thing inhabiting his skin.
I think you may have isolated your emoions too much. These sort of windfalls are easier to withstand with true detachment.
I hope I'm not offending you.
So about this going to divorce and no remarriage for you together. I won;t tell you 'you never know.' because you may very well know...if you choose. What you don't know is how he will be and what he will want...but regardless you may decide it doesn't matter.
I really think you need to give yourself some space to cry. Tear down the emotional barriers. Sure you are hot, you love sexy shoes and pole dancing. But remember Moondog's first post...all humour to hide the pain. Keep the humour. But don't use it to hide something...use it instead to release it if it works that way.
I think we have all done this Lissett or at least come very close. I know I have done it. There comes a point where you have to stick up for yourself. Where you have to say your piece. I think we deserve that after everything else they are putting us through.
You are right they will crash and burn. They will regret this and for alot of them it will be way to late to do anything about it.
I know the pain feels unbearable but you are a strong beautiful woman and you will be just fine.
HUGS!!!!
Christy M: 31 H: 33 Married ~ 13 years S12 S8 Bomb 10/05 supposedly ended A 2nd bomb 12/30/05 Separated 01/06 I filed 6/12/07 ~ new ow 3wks after moving out http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1094955&page=0#Post1094955
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