I took some time off the boards. I also spent some time fasting and praying. I feel that my spiritual life is lacking. I wonder if I have enough faith. Sometimes I think my lack of faith is why things have turned out this way. I know not that it is my fault but I think I wanted more peace about things.
I do think I got my answers. I know I told God way in the begining of this whole thing that I would wait it out. I think He is holding me to that. I can't seem to walk away. I have tried. But every time I look for answers it seems to lead me back to standing.
I did grieve and will continue to grieve the end of this m. I am starting a new life without h in it. It has already been in progress. It no longer feels like I am missing something when h is not around. I certaintly don't wait for him to bail me out of situations or even ask for his help if I can avoid it.
I painted my kitchen, I steam cleaned my carpets. I am starting a new home based business. I am preparing to start school full time. Getting all my ducks in a row. I am clearing clutter. I am going to work on my ds room next and then the daycare. Can't wait I am having a wine and cheese party this weekend. For ladies only. I am taking my ds to Disneyland. I spent 4 and half hours getting passports.I have a new neice and have to get busy planning a baby shower. So I am having a good time and I am busy.
As for h. Well he can't seem to let go of me. Within two days of his d email he was talking to me. He moves close to me when he gets the chance. I have been trying to avoid him but sometimes I have no choice. He does not come to the house but he drives by.
I asked him to come with me to the notary so I could get a letter allowing me to take the ds without him over the boarder. He was happy to come and even paid for the letter. He also told me he was renewing his car insurance and it was going to come out of his account instead of mine. I did thank him but it was hard for those words to come out as it is something he should do anyway. So d4 and I made him banana bread and I attached a short thank you to it. He is still pursuing. He called me on Friday about nothing important and again I ran into him this morning. He stopped to talk to me even though I did not have either of the ds.
So all this talk of moving on and he is the one that can't seem to. He thinks that he just has to menion d a few times and it will be done for him. I think he wants me to make the decision for him. Whatever.
One of my mentors, it is time for the student to teach the master.
You are wonderful. There is a certain melencoly in your post. Cheer up! Life is wonderful and full of amazing things of which you are just one of them.
Ok, God gave us free will right? Means he doesn't punish us for our actions. That Judgement is long off, I hope. If you can punish people you can affect their actions. No free will. Don't ever think God is punishing you.
Quote:
I think he wants me to make the decision for him.
Even if he does, don't.
You know this.
He is foot dragging, and you are doing great. Must suck to be him, and he is hanging out all the time. I do not know what it means or what he is thinking I am not him, but it is good for you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
The melancholy has nothing to do with h or his mlc. It has to do with me. I am in search of something. I am not sure what. I am happy. I am just tired. It is Monday. So give me a break okay???
Anyway my d8 wants to come to Alaska. Well really she wants to go on a cruise on the Sapphire Princess because she likes the name. I told her it means Alaska so she is okay with that. Maybe that is our next trip.
I haven't been posting much for some time but do check in to read sometimes. I was so sorry to read about your h stating his d intentions as I know how much that goes against your spiritual principles, in addition to the emotional impact.
A little spooky to come across your new thread tonight, just after I found an interesting insight on another forum. It certainly spoke to me, as someone else whose xh just can't seem to let go.
"This New Life is an ESCAPE from who he *is*. On some level, he KNOWS that. He doesn't know who he wants to BE yet, so he's careful (in a subconscious way) to not close any doors. Plus, if he makes his new life official, permanent, and REAL, and then he doesn't like that, what then? He's stuck with a new "real" he needs to run away from. So, the life with you has to remain a possibility in order for him to have something to escape FROM. Of course, what he's REALLY trying to escape from is inside of HIM, but he probably won't figure that out for a while."
And meantime, (as you and I know so well, having been at this the same length of time) we just go on with rebuilding our lives and truly living them wholeheartedly. Because as we know, even if they do want to come back at some point, we may never hear that from them (pride, shame etc), and by then it may be too late.
But I'm preaching to the converted!
Love and blessings
Jaybeexxxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
It is so great to hear from you. Yes we have both been at this so long. I am not really down about any of it. I have a lot going on. I have lots of plans that do not include h. He is afraid to make a decision and he does want me to do it for him but I have made my decisions for me. They have nothing to do with h. I don't need a d to move on. I have no intention of dating anyway. It seems a d does not bring closure any way. So if he does actually proceed with a d then I will cross that bridge when I come to it. There is no sense worrying about it now. I have more important things to attend to.
Disneyland is the ultimate cure all for everything.it is a magical place where everyone is happy and smiling and there are no worries.you get to be a kid again and go on all of the rides. you can be cinderella or sleeping beauty and wear mouse ears and forget all of your worries. promise me you will not think about anything sad the whole time you are there.
Yes Jack it is time for winter to be over. I will never get used to these long winters we have and I have lived in a cold country all of my life. Go figure.
I am not so tired today but I have two sick kids at home. So they are watching a video. The small day care kids are nappping. I have some quiet time. I am procrastinating so I am here on the boards.
Happy
I like your name change btw. I remember thinking you should change it. Anyway I am going to the happiest place on earth so I will not be sad for one second.
Anyway tommorrow is Valentine's Day. I hope you two wonderful men have something special planned for your wives.
I don't have my girls so I think we will celebrate on Thursday as d8 is sick today. I will make a sinful desert I think. Then this weekend is my wine and cheese party for ladies only. The turn out looks good.
Well that is all. I do not have much to add to day so I will sign off.
I just read your post about your MIL and I have something to run by you. Both you and I have been doing this MLCBS for quite some time now, and I am trying to figure something out.
I have had a much easier time forgiving my Husband then my MIL.
I thought it would be the other way around since he was the one who actually did the betrayal.
For my MIL I feel only anger because she was so supportive of my Husband and his choices. It was as if the past 20 odd years of me being her only DIL and the only one to give her Grandchildren that she would have had some compassion for me.
I know I have mentioned this over and over and I probably need to just let it go, but I really am very angry. I feel betrayed by my H's side of the family.
I really did try to be a good DIL. I took care of my FIL when he was ill, and I even helped her with all of the medical things when he was sick.
Throughout the years I was the one to organize all of the holidays and parties. I arranged the vacations and visits. I was the one who bought their gifts and made sure no anniversary or Mothers Day or Fathers Day was ever forgotten.
I could list all of the things I have done throughout the years for my inlaws and their extended family, not that it really matters anymore.
My children have been totally ignored. Their birthdays forgotten. Christmas came and went without a word from anyone.
I don't understand and as much as I understand MLC and what my Husband has put me through, the rejection of all of the others leaves me with so many unanswered questions.
I do not understand how all of these peole can turn their backs on me when they have known me for over 2 decades and we were a part of their every day lives. My FIL had 10 siblings, my MIL has 6 for crying out loud, tons of cousins, aunts, uncles etc and not one of them has ever called.
So tell me Mermaid, my secret chocolate buddy, help me to try and make sense of something that doesn't make sense.
(((((((Faith)))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
When h was on ow 1 or 2 he told me that his mother knew. I believed him so I phoned her. She told me that she did not know. We had a long talk about everything. She told me that she did not recognize her own son either. She told me to d him and he would have to accept the consequences. So then h begins his touch and go reconnect for about 6 months. At Christmas mil says she does not want me at her house because I confronted her.
Now h is on ow 3. I never thought fil would accept her because when his cousin's wife died his cousin remarried and fil did not agree with that.
So when I found out that h brought ow to meet his parents well his mother told me what I told you and that they liked her and that I was not the dil for them. Mil is not a warm person but I made sure that we remembered birthdays and saw them as often as they wanted. I even made the effort after h left.
When fil passed away it seemed that his whole family accepted ow and I felt like an outsider. All these people were at out wedding. Only his cousin that remarried after his wife died was supportive of me. Even his aunt who was left for another woman comforted ow.
So I know exactly what you mean. If h comes home I don't know if I will be able to just resume that part of our lives. I don't know how to face mil unless she gives me some kind of apology but I really doubt she will. I will have to put a lot of space between all this and a new life with h.
I wish I could understand too how all this works. These moms refuse to beleive that anything could be wrong with their sons. I am sure they know that they did something wrong when they raised them but cannot admit it. But the whole process would be so much easier if they would try to understand and admit their own mistakes. Working this all out together would be the best solution for all.
I guess being the LBSs we know how to admit when we screwed up and cannot understand how others just sweep things under the carpet.
I know I can have some sympathy for h because of his mlc but I too cannot understand others who know and see there is something wrong but will not acknowledge it. I find it interesting that they would rather believe that their son, brother, etc could be so cruel and so hurtful instead of believe that something could be wrong with them and they need help.
I am in the same boat as you are with forgiveness. I do try to forgive her but as you say it is so difficult.
I really do admire you Faith. I always wanted more children and h and I no trouble getting pregnant and I had no trouble carrying or delivering but it is not meant to be for me and sometimes I have trouble forgiving h for this.
