My H has given me a time when he is returning home.Is this a true MLC'r? He has been gone for two months, and now says he is coming home.I don't know where to post?
My H has left numerous times in our 7 year marriage.The first time for 6 months 9 months after we were married.He has left over 10 times and has come back, sometimes after a few days, sometimes after a week or two. This time he left before Christmas just never coming home one Sunday after an arguement.He goes and stays with his single mother at her place, his brothers, friends. He has drug and alcohol addictions,but of course everything is my fault for him splitting.We have a three year old son and I nearly died during the c-section when he was born, my bladder was cut in half.He says he doesn't want this relationship anymore,"the last time I left I told you it was the last time. I did all the wrong things when he first left, beg, plead, notes, letters etc. I found DBing and went dark, he then started coming around, calling.; Now says he is going on vacation with us (presheduled cruise in March) and is coming home "after vacation"He only sees our son about 30 minutes a week when he brings a money order which he calls child support! He calls last week and says will you be home? I'm thinking about taking a half day, he comes and spends 8 hours here at home, dinner,TV,acting no different then when he lived here...cake eating I know. I have not discussed R, now he is saying things like, "I have to start my garden soon (here at the house)I have had a PI follow him and there seems to not be a OW at this point, only partying, hanging with friends, family, mooching off of all who are tolerating him. This is a pattern with him...I always allow him back and nothing gets resolved. he claims the house in disarray, claims I don';t caare about things. I believe most is a smokescreen for his addictions and lack of responsibility. What can be different when and if he returns again?It's nuts for me, for our family. I also have a 13 year old from a previous marriage. There is a 11 year age difference, he is 33 I am 44.
This sounds like more than mlc. RC is right you need a C. Your h needs help. If he does not get this help do not let him come home for any reason. This pattern will continue indefinetly if you let it. You need to think about your children. I do not think dbing is the answer for you either. You cannot continue to live this way. I think tough love is the way to go here.
He has some addictions...I am going to be pretty bold here...do you? Not many realtionships I know of where only one person has a drug addiction. And please...not judging.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
No, I have no addictions.I'm I an enabler, yes. I've come to realize, I'm I codependent, apparently so.So yes. I need C.When you say tough love, is that going through the courts for proper court ordered child support? He comes each week with a money order for 75.00, he thinks he is doing his part.Like I said he sees his son for about thirty minutes a week. I can't depend on him and continue to think I can.Every one from his work, boss, his mother, brother,friends,myself are enabling him. He won't go to rehab, he'd rather blame me for all things wrong.I buy into his accusations and blaming. He told his mother"thanks for giving me a roof over my head" and she says yes, that's what mothers are for!!!!!!!My family says he doesn';t know any better,he does ,this is just a mess.........
Tough love is not court ordered child support. You can contact the tough love association for help as well as AA or NA. No judgement, but enablers need help too. Perhaps a C could help you with all this? It's definately worth the effort FOR YOU.
