I am sorry it is so tough but we both know God can make something good come out of this whether you reconcile or not. For the sake of the kids, to reconcile and then to allow God to heal the marriage, you need to endure the pain and grow through it.
We are best at offering help to those who are going through things we successfully went through ourselves. My reconciliation with X after our first separation WAS NOT successful because we did not resolve the issues in the marriage. I can help people GAL when their spouses have moved on but your H is in limbo and you need advice in that area.
BND has been there and done that. If you haven't tracked down and read as many of her threads over the last two years, you should. I found her most recent thread which summarizes some of her lessons. I read the first couple of posts and think you would benefit from absorbing everything she has to offer and to see what others are learning and sharing on her threads as well:
I too will make time to read and understand because I know my X is going to fall and to fall hard (it could be this year it could be in three years). I am very much at peace in GAL for God is healing, strenthening and using me. I may very well be in a place where I absolutely do not want my X back when she falls and starts to repent. BND's experiences will help me to understand the stages X will be because there is a tendency for MLC spouses to become suicidal and I need to know because my X has always been very emotional and I fear for her in this area. So, I will be learning about that scenario along with you should you start hanging with BND.
In the end, whether either of reconcile or not, the more we learn and apply the wisdom of the Word of God and that which he has brought before through this board and people like BND, the more peace we will have that we know we were obedient to the Lord to fight for our marriages becasue God hates divorce.
AND after the end, that is, when we leave this earth and go to be with the Lord, we do want our spouses there with us, especially if we never reconcile. To reject the Lord and walk away from Him altogether is a very real possibility. Blatantly continuing one's sin of adultery (my x divorced me legally but I know that doesn't count in God's eyes) sure doesn't seem like it is an automatic ticket to heaven according to anything in the Bible. So we suck it up and learn what the Lord has for us. I believe He sent BND to both of us and we should thank Him and learn.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
I have not posted for ages, but have been checking and lurking everyday keeping up with threads, and praying for lots of you on these boards! I am riding the high wave at the moment. I know it will crash but I am living each day to its fullest and treasuring each day as it comes. H & I are good, and my love for him is growing everyday. He is filling my love banks for a change, and I really do pray that I am filling his. It’s still like going on a bumpy road, and I feel each bump but with God’s help I am being helped over. H told me twice this week that he loved me. The first I was not at all sure so I just ignored it, and then he said it the next day on the telephone, I thought he was just saying it for the sake of it – like when you say it but not really mean it so again I ignored it, but the following morning he said in bed – I told you on the phone yesterday that I loved you, so I said well I wasn’t really sure you meant it – but thank you it means a lot to me. We are talking more, and he is a lot more affectionate but this is still only in bed. When he leaves and when he comes home however his hugs are more genuine which is wonderful. This weekend he told me the OW had contacted him via and asked if I wanted to see the text- I did get really peeved but let it blow over and ignored the whole thing. If I have been in a mood or tired he asks what’s wrong and makes sure I am not angry or upset with him, and just seems more caring. I know he could revert back to the alien at any time but I am just taking things a day at a time and praising God for all the blessings he is pouring on me and my family. I have gone to a couple of church things, last week we had a chick flick evening, and last night I went to a new once a month service in the evening. I am going to join a house group on a Thursday night and I met the lady who's group I think I am going to join last night. So my GAL is coming along. I still have not snooped. His mobile bill came in and the temptation to look at it was overwelming - I could have done it without him knowing, but I would know and so would God therefore I would not be trusting God to deal with it. He leaves his phone around & I could look at any time - but I am resisting it all, and it makes me feel good!! I hope you all have a blessed and wonderful weekend! Godbless Ash
Another good weekend! While I was in church on Sunday - a lady said in prayer "A new wave is coming, ride the wave with Jesus..." I was so taken back as the title of my last post was riding the waves and in my last post I was waiting for the wave to crash, but I have the hope & the knowledge that a new wave is coming to get me, and I will be able to ride that one holding on to Jesus!!
How is your X's realtionship with the Lord? Has he confessed to someone and is he being accountable to another brother?
I have a couple of guys in my men's group who cheated, have confessed to their wives and some men who now hold them accountable. The guys need the prayer and support or else it is like a drug addict trying to kick the habit on their own.
The OW is like the drug, calling back out to the junkie.
Quote:
James 5:16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
If this has not happened, give it over to the Lord in prayer and through fasting. Lovingly lead him here vs. beating him over the head. When H is fully committed to his healing through this type of confession, accountability and prayer (if he isn't already), your peace and security in the marriage will increase and he will sense it which will improve the marriage as well.
Bless you and again, I am truly so happy for you. God is sooo good, even when things do not go the way WE wanted them to go.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Thank you for your thoughts C2H. Things have been going from strength to strength. First to me – I have grown (if I may say so) so much in the Lord these past couple of months. I have learnt to reply almost 90% on Him. When I try do things myself I find I fall so hard it makes my head spin. He has blessed me in ways that I just can’t imagine and would take far too long to write it all down here. I am happy within myself and that’s all due to Jesus… And onto my H and our R. We have spent some time apart – he went on holiday my children went on holiday and I went on holiday all on our own. At first I was not at all happy about this, but my H spent the time thinking and realised what life would be like without his family around. Before he left he was telling me he loved me and generally we were getting on very well. But while he was away he showered me with ILY’s and telling me how sorry he was. I have kept a firm grip on the floor and told him that he was going to have to say it to me face to face and show me – which since I have been back he is trying very hard to do. There are still a couple of things that are bugging me- and at first I was getting really hit up about him changing it – but I came to the realisation yesterday that things do not happen in my time – only God’s time, and my H will continue to change and grow and things will continue to get better. I have not got a band-aid around my marriage. I have the Lord’s arms holding us all together, and with this knowledge I know things will get better. We both know that the road ahead is rocky - but we are both on it together, which makes life a lot easier.
I do not come to these boards often anymore but I would like to thank all of you who have helped and been there in my stitch. The help that these boards gave me was unbelievable, it enabled me to get everything off my chest and most of all it made me feel less lonely as I knew so many of you were in the same boat as me. So I thank you all for that. I pray for all of you – keep your faith and no matter what happens Jesus will always be there for you.
Again, so glad there is progress rather than the opposite.
True healing can take place and even in my divorce, the Lord has been faithful to be everything I need to have a joyful life. As for your marriage, big leaps and bounds can be made when H totally gives himself over to the Lord for then the Lord can fight his battles for him. This will be the key to taking the relationship from "Surviving to Thriving."
So for the above, pray, pray, pray and show your H Jesus living through you and hopefully that love, mercy, grace and healing will draw H into a very, very close realtionship with Him.
(You may not know or recall but my X had and affair 98/99 and we separated from 6/99 - 12/99. We did get back together and put the past behind us but X and I did not draw closer to the Lord TOGETHER. The roots of her unhappiness remained and she simply got into anothe affair sometime in 2005 with someone else. So, fight spiritually and I too pray the Lord will draw you together)
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Thanks C2H H is trying to reply on the Lord and even went to church without me while he was away. There is still need for lots of prayer, and I know that the Lord still has lots to deal with and sort out with both of us.
