I thought I would jump out of newcomers - & start posting here. As I think we are trying to piece our marriage back. This weekend I was ready to give up, and stand down, i am just so tired of the whole thing. But all the posts I have read on AmyC's board are so encouraging and if I did stand down it would only be giving Satan his way, and that will not happen! One thing I have not been devoting a lot of time to is prayer, so that is what i am going to do this week, and something I really have to learn - to be still & wait on the Lord, let Him sort this out!
I am not an expert by any stretch but here is my (vague) opinion on
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Do husband & wives grow apart if they are not growing at the same pace
I think people need to be different, that is what keeps the R alive. However, if you are very different on fundamental issues, things you just won't budge on, then I think it can become a real problem. For instance, if you come from a family that was relatively poor and your S came from a relatively wealthy one, I think it would be difficult to bridge those differnces because neither one would understand where the other one was coming from. Another sore spot can be their spiritual beliefs
The C we are going to see talked about "sacred waters" in a marriage - i.e. boundaries, and said that although certain people have basic morals etc that are the same, sometimes their boundaries regarding those issues vary and that is what causes the tension/problems. I know my H and I have the same basic foundation to get through this but I also know that his boundaries are VERY different from mine - I am much more conservative and he is on the far side of liberal (if he can push the limit, he will).
I don't think reading vs not reading is a major issue, as that is more a hobby than anything. However, if it creates a problem in that you would like to have someone that talks to you about the issues that you are reading about (i.e. world events) and that person cannot converse with you, then it could become an issue.
We all have different likes and dislikes, I guess it all depends on how important those likes and dislikes are to you and your S.
Hope that helped a little
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Thanks for answering - I agree with what you said - the reason i asked was that i was reading or listening to some marriage building things and it was one of the things they brought up how how if your spouse reads & you don't it will creat problems in the future - funny I thought it good to be different - everyone's different
GAL - This is still a huge problem for me. I think i am far to needy and depend far too much on my H. I find it hard to detach - and love him dearly all in the same breath. Where are you C2H - its time you clearly gave me a slap across the chops, and put me back into place. At the moment I am trying to show H as much love as I possibly can. I am trying to serve him just like Jesus would, but I do feel at times first that I am a doormat, and second that I come off needy and always willing to do what HE wants. I want to spend as much time as i can with H & kids but really should i be doing this?
(I didn't realize your thread was closed until just now)
I have a sister at church who is faithfully fellowshipping even thought her H is not a believer, In that sense she has another life (GAL) at church.
You can love your H, be respectful and not nasty (because of the hurt) while also not being needy or clingy. How you do this, the Lord will show you for your specific marriage. I think this is a good forum to puruse the best archived advice as well as things that are working for others currently posting. Another resource to revisit is Rejoice Ministries (resource page)
If your marriage is to survive, the Lord will show you. He will use people here, at church, Rejoice Ministries, a radio message etc. But mostly, it will be through the word of God and through the Holy Spirit. Your growing sensitivity to His still small voice will lead you and point you to the people, threads and resources he has for you. The Spirit will bring to rememberance verses et.
Ash, my journal is filled with accounts of encounters with people, messages, events etc. where God has guided me to a place of healing and His "peace that passes all understanding." Will my marriage be restored? Only God knows but I am GAL every day and it is fulfilling. My eyes are no longer focused on what X is doing but are focused on what I can do for the Lord.
Though you are still in the same house and I am officially D and living apart from my X, you can still pursue your own GAL, keep your eyes on the Lord, serve Him in your own way and continuously pray for H.
When parents have a prodigal child (regardless of the age), they love and pray for that prodigal. At some point, they may have to employ tough love for the prodigal's own best interest. Maybe the Lord wants the prodicgal to fall and fall hard without being bailed out of their circumstances by the parent? Maybe it is then and only then that the prodigal will quit fighting the Holy Spirit and surrender fully to the Lord.
p.s. I did post the valentine message and look how the Lord even led you there (I wanted to keep it separate from my journaling which is why I posted that way)
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Oh C2H you do make me smile. I knew it was you posting - you are so wise it comes out in all your postings! This GAL - I have been thinking about it all day, and I have come to the same conclusion as you, I don't want to GAL going out to bars and night clubs - or doing book clubs or anything like that, what I want to do is get to fellowship with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. The ladies I see every week have been on at me to join a house group - and I have been reluctant because I feel I should be at home with H, as I am out on a Tuesday with college and thought another night out would not be good- but I really want to join a house group, so I am going to speak to H about it - I mean he could join me but I know he won't (watch him shock the pants of me & come) so I will see if he minds me going out to house group. Another thing I was so scared of was growing spiritually whilst he is not, but my friend said I can't wait around for H to join me - can you image my standing in front of God and He says to me why did you not seek me more, and my excuse is oh I was waiting for H to join me and seek you together - not a very good excuse is it...
Oh C2H you do make me smile. I knew it was you posting - you are so wise it comes out in all your postings!
...and I thought I was being anonymous,
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can you image my standing in front of God and He says to me why did you not seek me more, and my excuse is oh I was waiting for H to join me and seek you together - not a very good excuse is it...
Exactly!
Ash, pray and ask the Lord to show you what He has for you in the area of GAL. A house group does sound good and you can let H know that it would be a "safe place" where you two could go, not a place where you would be bashing him.
There are also other forms of GAL. What are some of the things you have always wanted to do?
I bought bikes two christmas's ago to spend family time together but we didn't use them much. After X moved, I took the kids on bike rides at the beach during the summer and continued riding mine here and there into the fall and winter (I love Los Angeles weather). Recently, the Lord has placed a yearning in my heart to praise Him in a deeper closer way and I started to want to learn the guitar. Two weeks ago my church began a six week beginnning guitar class for adults (perfect timing). Pray, seek and you will find .
By the way, I came accross another DBer from the UK. Don't know if you met her on the board but thought it would be nice for your to meet on the board to hae someone else in similar time zones. She struggled but has recently filed. Flip's thread
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
I am not going to snoop any more. As said by many wise people, I am not responsible for my H. I am not his mother. If he wants to continue this now EA with this women thats up to him. In doing this I leave it all to the Lord to deal with. Last week I almost blew it. I went on and on about his accountability with me about his phone, email and texts with the OW. At the end of the heated discussion he told me we were not moving forward with our R - but backwards, and he knew I would never trust him and so he thought he would end it. He does make me so angry as I do find it hard to trust him, and he can't see why!!!! But anyway for my mind's sake I will act "as if" and leave the rest to him and what the Lord does with him.
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