How 'bout this for GAL? We have a 4-way meeting with our lawyers scheduled for this week. I've sent letter to my lawyer saying that I can't be there because I'm on my way to Jamaica! I've decided after finding out about the OP that I need to take a break from this rollercoaster ride and chill for a week. I can just imagine the look on my H's face when my lawyer delivers this news along with the details of my financial proposal. The only thing standing in the way is the approval from my employer to take that time off.
Hope you managed to get the time off work and have a fabulous time in Jamaica!
Originally Posted By: Sweetpea
After our final C appt last Wednesday, before I found out about the OW we had a very compassionate e-mail exchange where he stated that he hadn't ruled out a MLC! I was surprised he would consider it when he's been so certain that's not what is happening. I encouraged him to not think about the label but if he did research the symptoms he may find they fit. I can only hope that is what he has done and that the pieces may be falling into place for him.
Good to hear that he hasn't ruled out MLC. I had a similar email exchange with my H several months back. He said he'd read a bit about MLC and decided it wasn't him. Said that MLC is when everything in your life is crap, and in his case, it was just us that was bringing him down, so it can't be MLC. Of course, it's textbook MLC behaviour to convince yourself that your spouse is the source of any and all problems in your life so you've gotta dump them to magically fix your problems, so frankly I think that just proved the point that he is MLC. Whether or not he's ever gonna realise it, I dunno. At least your H is entertaining the idea. Means he's not fooling himself into thinking he's totally in his right mind about everything.
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
I wonder about that though Ophelia because he is very manipulative and my thought is that once the finances are settled, he will not be around at all. I know that he is openly "going for coffee" with his co-worker. And it will be a matter of time before I see them publicly. But today, I'm feeling more detached and less impacted emotionally by it all. Because I truly believe it is MLC. How it will play out, I have no idea. But letting go of the rope is my only chance to save myself from the chaos of his ride. The sadness comes and goes but I feel such a loss of respect for him these days that the love I felt I still had for him is being squashed daily. I'm planning to stay dark and keep on looking after me.
[quote=OpheliaAnyway, I'm really happy that you got such a positive response, and I hope there are more in the future. Try not to get discouraged if it takes a while to get another positive sign though. As they say, one step forward, two steps back, and so it goes... [/quote]
So much for the positive comments. We've had no contact for the past week since this e-mail on V-day until this morning when he called me at work and essentially began bullying me. I had canceled the meeting with between our lawyers and ourselves that was to take place tomorrow. I decided that I need to take some time away a few days to regroup and recharge. I gave my lawyer instructions to pass on the options that H has in regards to the mortgage on the house and his buyout. He was angry at the options - says they're not acceptable. He threatened to withold funds from his account and destroy both of our credit rating if I didn't change my mind and agree to sell the house NOW. I told him he is trying to intimidate me and I don't want to argue. He said "don't argue then". I further told him I don't want to discuss anything with him without a third party there as he is bullying me to change my mind. He told me I would suffer the consequences of this and slammed down the phone. I was a trembling wreck afterwards. I'm so upset that he has turned on me in this way. What happened to the man I knew? I think this is more than a few steps backwards but I need to stand firm and look after myself. He is used to me giving in but it's not in my best interest to do so. On one of the other threads a poster indicated that a WAS in MLC should be viewed as someone who is sick, who is behaving like a child. That's exactly what it seems like. He's having a tantrum. So much for positive comments.
So this afternoon after his intimidating tyrade this morning on the phone he sends me an e-mail: I apologize (again) for my actions this morning. I'm sorry that you feel I've been harasing you. My frustration gets ahead of me (as you know). In any case, I will wait for our meeting on March 6th and will not attempt any contact again. I hope you have a good trip, enjoy the sun, you deserve it.
I find it cowardly that he can call me and lose it on the phone and then e-mail his seemingly lawyer scripted apology. I so want to reply telling him he's made sure that I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth, good, bad or ugly. But I think that "silence is golden" and am aiming to bite my tongue. Any thoughts?
The sadness comes and goes but I feel such a loss of respect for him these days that the love I felt I still had for him is being squashed daily.
I can relate to that. It really is hard to respect someone who is behaving so immaturely. The way I look at it is that this guy who is messing around, and having an A, and being callous towards me, he isn't my real H. In his own mind he's perfectly happy and free right now, but I believe there's a better man hiding in there somewhere, still waiting to be discovered. I can only hope that once H has gone through his journey/crisis/whatever you wanna call it, that he realises he can be a decent man again and that he's worthy of trying. And I'm also hoping that when that happens, that he'll welcome me back into his life.
Originally Posted By: Sweetpea
I find it cowardly that he can call me and lose it on the phone and then e-mail his seemingly lawyer scripted apology. I so want to reply telling him he's made sure that I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth, good, bad or ugly. But I think that "silence is golden" and am aiming to bite my tongue. Any thoughts?
Yeah, try to bite your tongue, (or fingers, if you're "talking" via email) and not give him any more ammo to keep the fight going. I totally understand what you're saying about it seeming cowardly. My H seems to be able to talk about me with pretty much everyone else, except me. I had to hear it from one of our friends that H said he wanted to cut off all contact with me completely. I just don't think they know any other way to handle it. They're hurting so much, and they know they're hurting us so much that the easiest option is to run and avoid contact, which just ends up making things so much worse. What I wouldn't give to be able to have a calm, rational conversation with my H one of these days!
I hope the March 6th meeting goes well, (as well as can be expected anyway, all things considered). Try not to lose it, even if he does. He can't keep dueling with you if you don't bite back.
Me:30 H:30 Together:10yr H left:Oct3'06,couple weeks before 5th wed anniv. No Kids OW bomb:Jan19'07 My thread: He filed.
