I'm here now and ready to find the support I can not find in my husband. Here goes...
I fell in love in 1993 and never looked back. We had such incredible fantastic times that even today I cannot regret one moment. We were married in May of 01 and my father died in Dec of 01. I drank myself to despair and retreated. I asked him for help and he helped heal my back. After that time in my life I thought, no I knew, he was the one I would always love. We connect, communicate and felt passion for so long that I think we became complacent this past year. He decided over breakfast that "He was not in love with me" He wants to set me free to find the man who will worship me. He also stated that all he wants is to be in love. Nice to hear that from the one person whom you thought did?? After two weeks of crying, begging pleading and doing everything under the sun to keep my husband. I set him free. I read the book and started my 180. I can recognize that I wasn't making my marriage #1, I am truly sorry that I got caught up in the day to day stuff. But I only needed a little reminder. He never talked to me about it. He figured it out all by himself and by that time he finally talked to me it was too late to go back. What a fool... Okay back to my story. Once I stopped and listened to his reasons I found truth in some of them. I immediately started doing the things that he loved and got the "it's too late now response" I didn't care, I was doing these things because they bring me joy. So we are one week from him moving out. I am keeping the house because it was my dream and I will de damned if he takes another dream away from me. When he first dropped the bomb, he started coming home very very late and wasn't even talking to me. He claimed that when he walked into the house he could feel my pain. We still slept in the same bed until (Week ago) one night I waited up for him and wanted to have the relationship talk. Big mistake, that next morning he moved into the spare bedroom. I started 180 and feel better. He still wants to be close to me, holds me, I rub his back and we are not discussing anything. I feel we are still connected but I am not going to fool myself into thinking that it's going to be ok. I want him to move out and "find" himself. He swears that there is no other woman, but his actions and a friend saw him with a very friendly blonde two nights ago. I am going to believe him and leave the "affair" behind me. Right now I need to focus on my smile!!! I still trust this man and I hope that someday he realizes what and who he truly wants. I will be showing him what he had and lost (for the time being). Now, I need help and a plan for the separation of assets. We are to get together tomorrow and start. How do I do it and stay on track? Then on moving day... do I hang around and support him or run like hell?
oh, honey. welcome, and i'm sorry you are among us.
please know the weekends here are sloooooow, and you are not being ignored. hang on and more folks will chime in on monday. i have not had a moving out spouse (yet) so i cannot offer you firsthand advice.
so far what you are doing sounds good. be prepared for the pendulum of emotions to swing wildly back and forth from hope to despair. don't let it take your legs out from under you when you are in the valley. this too shall pass, and you will get your PMA back. it just sux when it leaves for a day or more.
hang on my friend. this is a dark time, but a time of great growth as well. look for the good. it's HARD. but you can do this.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
thank you for your kind words. I can't imagine how hard these next days, weeks and months will be. But I pray that in the end we will once agian share that love and friendship we've always had.
I'm sorry you have to be here, but you are among friends. I know that you feel bad now, but in my thread the responses I got from these people has made a lot of sense. Take a look and read what muddle's had to say about keeping myself happy. Just keep reading books, DR, articles on this web site, and don't give up. Its baby steps, and It's going to take a while to get to where you want to be. Go out have a good time, force yourself to, You have to. take care
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
Well we started separating things yetserday. He is giving me most of the things in teh home. He wants to "minimize" his life. He showed no emotion and I stayed strong no tears, no pleading. I am shocked that he can so easily separate our last 14 years together. Last night was strange. He left, so I called some friend and went out for sushi. I stayed out until 10:30pm and to my surprise he was home when I got there. Usually he is out till 1 or 2 am. Immediately after I walked in he went to bed. Asked briefly about me night and I was vague. I broke down asked him to join me in our bed for a few minutes, mu mind was raecing and I just needed to hold him. He agreed stayed for about 15 minutes and then excused himself. I thanked him and he smiled. I woke up all night and finally decided to get a glass of water. He approached me as I was returning to our old bedroom, asked if I was okay and said he wanted to lie down with me for a bit. After about an hour he left again. Only to return bright and early for another 2 hours. I love having him in my bed. I feel so connected to him. We hold each other and i feel that he cares but is very torn. What do I make of this? We spend our days separting our lives and at night we are so drawn to one another? He leaves on Saturday and I'm so scared that we will never have that closeness again.
Be strong, the M is not dead, its at a crucial point and you need to be. Read lots of books and articles, they will give you hope when you feel alls lost. I fell in love with Divorce Remody and I just received two more books in the mail yesterday. My W called and she wants to read one of them. Small things must keep you positive. She asked me if the books were for her and I said I was going to read them. Any interest is good interest. She asked why I was in a good mood, "did you go out and get laid this weekend?" she asked. I told her that I went to church and left there feeling great. I wrote her a note telling her that I was not going to have an A, or not going to file for a D, and told her that I turned over a new leaf. I explained that I was not angry and that our S is too important to me. I then said I was not going to talk or push her to talk about our M, just let it stay where it is at. You have a life to live and YOU are the one who needs to stay happy. Good for you about going out last night, you need that. Stay focused and stay strong!
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
your on a roller coaster, this is going to happen. Thats why all the advice you get,take in and react. Your emotions will show when you inter act with him. If your sad you will show it and that doesn't portray a good picture to him. When you are happy, it shows a positive attitude and he will be a little leary about why.
For example: My wife can't figure out why I'm happy, she only assumes and it drives her crazy. She just called me and asked what I meant by her not controlling my happiness. I told her when we talk, if she's short I get depressed and it affects everyone around me. If we talk well, I am happy and feel good. I told her I can't do it anymore, I will be happy all the time and I think it drives her crazy. She is miserable, and stressed, I am positive and upbeat. Oh well, you make your own happiness, and cause your own sadness. Don't let it affect your interactions with your H. BE positive and happy.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
I cried in the shower for over an hour and actually feel better. I reread some of the DB book to help me refocus. He's asked me for help with his moving. He has no idea how to go about setting up cable, electricty etc. I have always done everything for him. I'm torn... I want to help him as a "FRIEND" but as the one being left behind I want him to finally see how much he needs me. any suggestions?
Your right, be his friend. I read an article somewhere about being freinds with your Spouse. I will find it.
M-31 W-25 S-1 1/2 bomb dropped 9-01-06,and repeating over and over "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be." Groucho Marx.
