We've been piecing for only a week, he has told me when he is coming home, we have had R talk, about the future R. It is over a month away and I suddenly feel the need to backslide, call him. I don't want to set myself up for a fall if he doesn't come home. First he said "if and when I come back, and then said I'll be back after our vacation. I'm vasilating as much as him,we will have time together, when he leaves,he says I'll call you tomorrow, he doesn't...This is too hard...Someone help!!
Stop thinking negatively as hard as that is and just be positive. I too wanted to fast forward when we were newly reconciling... keep working on you and keep the positive thoughts flowing. I do not know much about your sitch but I do know that worrying will not help ,, you can do this you've come this far ,, hang in there. As they say good things come to those who wait. ( Patience , Patience and more Patience) I know sweetie easier said than done.Just my 2 cents. God bless...
Thanks, keep thinking positive thoughts..I've never been known for patience, I just keeping thinking okay, you've said ILY,said what you needed, expected, whats the wait, the problem, just come the heck home...Focus, Focus A little history..He left two months ago, this being one of many times. Although this WA was to be his last, "I told you last time that was it. I started DBng and going Dark a few weeks ago and he starting piecing(pretty quickly)He has an alcohol and past drug addiction, maybe this is why he leaves and comes back, leaves and comes back. He blames me of course for everything that is wrong with the R, then returns. I keep thinking that if I keep staying Dark he will want to stay out longer (he is out there with no responsibilities, all of his money,no constraints. I am also starting to feel angry and resentful, now that the anxiety and sadness is gone.
I need to vent again...one of our biggest issues is finances.He only pays utilities and the food. He says to me last week, sharing money and merging accounts, trusting with money will have to come later. He has never pulled his weight in this department, and alot of our problems have emerged from this stumbling block we have been unable to resolve.
I feel your pain I too am very impatient by nature and also used to think and once said to him if you love my why dont you just stay wih me?? his response its just not that easy.
My H too has had problems with drugs and alchool and I do believe he still does,, it seems to quiet their thoughts or so they believe... I struggle right now with the feeling that he is slipping thru my fingers and he is sooo soo ofar away he is Mexico visiting his parents.....MY H too just comes and goes when he feels the pressure and he has also left me more than once.... it surely is painful for you and yet I am sure your h is so focused on his pain he can not even see whst he is doing to you.
Have faith,, it is a very long road to this piecing stuff and I also now see that with the drugs and the alchohol it seems to lengthen the recovery time for our H and our M.. Whenever my H is slightly uncomfotable instead of facing it head on he runs and fast. My heart goes out to you,, but please remeMber your worth and show him how beautiful you are and what a wortwhile person you are whenever you 2 are together. I am not feeling like I can give you lots of concrete advice like the veterans here as I feel like a jumble of nerves myself and I feel like I mess. But something in me made me want to reach out to you and low and behold we have alot of similarities.
Hang in there sweetie and keep being strong,, this will be the hardest thing you ever do and yet I do strongly beleive that the rewards are great when the end result is a stronger you a stronger H and best of all a great M. TIME give it time... and yes again easier said than done. I too wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. God bless...
I can only share my own experience... but the only thing that helped me with that "revolving door" cycle (or husband "sitting on the fence post"), was finally detaching. You have to start living your life as if your husband isn't going to come back. What have you always wanted to do? What friends could you start building a stronger connection with?
Detaching can be very difficult. I've found this "running away" pattern can create an unhealthy co-dependency. And from what you've described it sounds like your husband may still enter the cycle again (I'm basing this on your description of him saying if things aren't the way he wants them to be then he'll leave again. My husband used to say that and eventually he would leave again... each time going a little further).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
