My H had an affair and it continued for two years. He moved out and then moved back home after 9 months and continued the A off and on. During this time we were working things out. The OW worked with him and it was only after my H finally quit and got another job that it finally ended. Contact continued for sometime after he left and finally my H came clean with me and trusted in us enough to tell me the truth. For so long my H was threatened by her and that she would tell me things. What my H didnt realize is that there wasnt anything I didnt already know or at least suspect. Anyway he finally ended it last April however the OW keeps creeping back into our lives by writing emails. Last week she wrote one to my H that said Hi justed want to check in on you and wish you a happy belated New year. Hope this years brings the best for you. H didnt answer so yesterday she sends another email... I quess you dont want to talk or stay in touch. I know we had some bad times but we had good times too and its still difficult for me not to be in touch.
These emails really bother me. I want to write OW a letter and tell her to move on with her life and stop trying to stay in contact. My H doesnt respond to her calls or emails he thinks that is the best way for it to die, yet its been happening since April. I really think she cant stand the fact that he has chosen me and moved on.
Do you think I should write the letter or ignore her
It sounds that the R they had is dying. One thing to ask yourself, and it's good that you posted here first before doing anything, is to ask yourself what good will come from you contacting OW? Stop and think about it, will it really help YOU and YOUR CAUSE? I have to struggle with this very same thing still, and I am piecing my M back - though on a bumpy road.
If it's just emails, it's just emails. Sure it bothers you, it would bother me too! But from what you just posted about your H, he chose you, right? I would focus more on your H and your M and let the OW go. She's NOTHING! She's obviously trying to test the waters with your H but you know she's in the wrong and you have your H now.
I would not contact her, but simply write her off. Your H is the one that needs to cut her off, and he's trying to do it. You can help by being the spouse you need to be. Be happy that he is with you, and continue to re-build a new and wonderful marriage!
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
I would change all email addresses, and telephone numbers (or block her email addresses and telephone numbers), and then you don't have to worry about her contacting you or your H. I wouldn't write her a letter. It would just send the message that her emails are being read, and having an effect.
Take care!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Personally, I would be thrilled to know my H was telling me about the emails he was receiving. That in itself is a BIG plus for your R. It says that your H cares enough about you and the R to be honest and open - A BIG PLUS ++++
I would prefer to block the emails, that way I wouldn't even have to read them and be concerned about what she might say or what would be contained in them. Emails are the least of my worries.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Thanks for the responses. I know that not telling the OW how I feel about her continuing to try and worm her way back into H life is the right thing to do but it would feel so good to tell her she is a sicko and she needs to get on with her on life.
Afterall H has been home with me for so long now and hasnt made any attempt to be with her doesnt she get it!!! Why would a woman continue to seek contact with him if she wastn a nutcase.
