Yeah, my dad's turning 75 this year. He was just short of the Greatest generation, but did his time serving in Germany during the early 50's. Definitely a different outlook.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
My W (who told me yesterday that she is in love with the OM, and who cannot think about any way to come back to living with me as my wife) told me today that she is planning on having my name tattooed on her.
She's been hard at work on an art project (one in which she's invested her heart and soul), and I've been trying to help along the way with domestic sorts of things.
So today I get an e-mail saying: "I love you !!!!!!!!" and the tattoo comment.
Actually, that's not the first time she's said it.
How can she be so attached to me (and what is the nature of that) without even glimpsing a possibility that I might not be the ogre who wants to crush her life?
Come on, people! Tell me something other than "MLC". I'm trying to get to what "thing" is hovering in front of her brain that paints me in the colors of the "impossible husband."
And I've already been compared to her evil, controlling father, so that's one possible clue...
What exactly do you want to hear? Have you read any of the MLC crap at the top of the page...yes I said crap...because sometimes it feels like such a cop-out. Like GOD I wish I could do this stuff and just go on a vacation from responsibility and not care about anyone but me!
BUT
Guess what man...
It is a mid-life crisis.
Are you suggesting that you would rather her NOT be attached to you? These little things she throws out...let me harken wayyyyyy back to my begining of all this...these are lifelines she is throwing out, these are lines to her past that she still wants, the small little rational part of her brain still wants what she had with you, maybe not the same, god forbid, but with you in her life.
While this causes much confusion in you, makes you second guess everything, makes you think YOU are crazy...guess what? Better to have these things than to not have them.
Your the "impossible husband" because by painting you like that she CAN do this.
What is she thinking? Man, I do not want to know, and neither do you, not right now.
Say: "cool, thanks, where is going to be? Love you too." (if you must) but let your actions show your love.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 03/05/0708:14 PM.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I bet that if you type all her crazyness into the google search engine, you'll get MLC as an answer !!! hahahha Sorry - just wanted to let you have a laugh !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
OK, I got a giggle out of the joke. I'll admit it.
Back to the work at hand.
Jack, I have to agree with you when you cast a tiny squint of doubt on all the holy writ about MLC.
And I have to squint a bit when my W tells me about her inky plans.
Yeah, yeah, it's all nuts. But I'm more than halfway nuts myself, and I usually do not give up trying to figure things out. I haven't driven myself utterly batty doing it yet, so it's a hard habit to break.
See, I'm HOPING that your read on it is correct, ie. that some little part of her loves me, wants to stay, etc. Actually, I know that a good bit of that is somewhere.
The W told me that when she was "visiting her friend," she kept thinking if there was a way to come back to me. Of course, she "realized" that it was impossible, but the matter was on her brain at least.
Now if the DB method is to switch things up to "change the dynamic," I'd like to get her all in a whirl by contradicting her idea that our marriage would necessarily keep her away from "becoming herself".
Apparently the OM is a past master at "supporting" her through her life-changes, one of which is leaving me. And I say this recognizing that he has probably done her some good - she never confronted some things before, and he's pushed her in those directions. Of course, he's a POS who doesn't care that she's still married, and a double-POS who emphasizes how much better she would be with him (+20 years, bi-polar, mental cretin, moneybags, problems with rich daddy, etc.)
What sort of visible things can be done to brighten my appearance next to this shining light of wisdom, compassion, and overall heavenliness?
Did she 'realize' this was impossible because she thinks you wouldn't forgive her?
Man I love that one.
"Do not sell me short" "Do not underestimate me." "Do not use me as an excuse, or rather what you think I am incapable of as a reason." "Do not think I cannot do something, until you ask, or until I try."
I see that part of her thinking about a way to come back as her keeping the door open.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I don't think it's "impossible" to come back because she thinks I won't forgive her.
(She has admitted, however, that her involvement with the OM went beyond a certain point so as to "burn her bridges" with me.)
Her stated reason (or at least one of them) for why she "can't find her way back" is that the OM is "soft" and "gentle" with her new self-discovery. He must appear as a little angel of personal growth.
I appear, on the other hand, as a watchful Jehova-jealous figure, who casts a mean glance on whatever I don't like about her.
(I'm getting lumped in with her father her. But keep in mind the whole tattoo thing, which is indicative of our dynamic: I don't think it's a great idea to get tatooed with anything, my name or otherwise, and I've said so in the past. So... I'm not "supportive" of her "growth.")
If it weren't for the adultery going on under my nose, I might find it a lot easier to be "accepting." In any case, I would keep my comments to myself unless asked.
(I'll admit that I'm an opinionated SOB. It would be hard to become a new-age flower child overnight, and I have no desire to be anyone other than who i "am".)
I think in the end she will appreciate your strength vs. the om soft and gentle. I bet soft and gentle really translate to weak. Like energies attracked and the om is likely depressed and has lower self esteem right now than your w. MLCers always affair down. So right now your w likes that in a man but some day she will need your strength and she will apprciate it.
The burning bridges comment I have heard before with others. So don't worry it is common.
I have seen it written that a woman can not love two men at the same time. Some may disagree. I believe it is part of the confusion during the onset of replay. They want to eat cake, but feel guilty doing it. They want to have those lost feelings of enfatuation for you again, but often can't find it in the throngs of wanting another.
My x wanted a midlife tat. I begged her not to do that to herself. Not without a great deal of soul searching, and testing with temporary, etc. Don't know how that turned out. Never will.
