You keep focus on you and your girls. When does he move out? I notice you said your D is coming to a close in 11 days. Does he move out then?
No, he won’t be moving out, I would be moving. I chose to move after the D because we need a place where the 3 of us can start over. I want to have a sense of belonging. I know I can’t live here knowing this is where our family was created and ended. See, from the beginning of my M till the day I move out, the things I own in this house are the things in my bedroom. His mother lives with us and everything was here when we got married. There was one thing that I was never honest about in the M and that was, I never wanted to live with MIL. But considering the fact that MIL is by herself and they only have each other, that’s why I never said a word.
Ever since the NYE incident, I now know blood is thicker than mud. But no matter what she has done to hurt me, I’ve already forgiven her. I hold nothing against her and hope that she will understand that the only people she is hurting is her grandchildren.
Anyway, as I was checking my email this evening I noticed an email from H. Wow, how ofter is this? He sounded quite angry. I guess he finally realize how much it cost to split our family apart. He gave me a run on his expenses and ask me "how is he going to find the money to pay for all this?" He also asked me to please do the math. How should I reply to his email?
My take is that he wants me to feel guilty. What do you guys think? I mean, I know his finacial situation after the D. I don't want to hurt him finacailly but I need to take care of my kids financially first.
I guess hearing him express anger is better than being emotionless. So far, he has still not said a single word to me in person. Not even greeting me. He emailed me 3 times over the last 7 month. I now leave it for him to initiate anything. For all I know choices have consequences.
Hey there, you are completely on the right path, your job is to take care of yourself and the children. It is not your job to do the math or to figure out his problems any longer. He made his choice. Don't let him intimidate you. Personally I wouldn't respond to that email at all. It's just not your problem. You should tell your lawyer about this communication though. His lawyer may have put him up to it in an attempt to negate any prior agreement that was favorable to you. Be very careful about this sort of communication right now.
Oh and to answer an earlier question, many departing spouses hide money. It's standard operating procedure for a lot of them. If you have these concerns you should also mention them to your lawyer.
You live in the same house and he does not speak to you? That sounds horrible.
I don't keep up with many of the stories here but caught your thread this evening. Hope this helps a bit. Good luck. Wonder
ps what does it mean is ow is in Asia? That caught my attention and looking through your old thread I couldn't find out what you meant. Thx. W.
Thank you for your insight! Every bit helps and I really appreciate it.
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You live in the same house and he does not speak to you? That sounds horrible
It is horrible. But have gotten use to it. H is barely home. He travels for long periods of time (3 months each time to China) Since the bomb in July, he left for China again in August (3 months again). Came back in November and he was never able to talk or look at me again. He has basically been emotionless towards me. I was a bit suprised when I got his email because it was the first time he expressed any type of emotiion. And for the last few days, I noticed he looks at me as if he has something to say. Boy, I haven't seen that for such a long time.
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ps what does it mean is ow is in Asia? That caught my attention and looking through your old thread I couldn't find out what you meant.
Looking through my old thread would not give you any information about OW because I just found out about OW 2 weeks ago. She's in China, works in the same company. She's young only 24. They have been together for over a year. I guess I carried hope and thought that he had his own reasons for walking away. I trully believed him when he said there was no OW. I trusted him whole heartedly and was betrayed the second time. How nieve can I be? But somehow finding out about OW chnaged me. I blamed myself everyday for all this time. As soon as I found out about OW I made a shift. For some reason, I felt like a ton has been lifted off my shoulder. And since that day, I can feel myself detaching from him almost completely. I mean, there are moments that I am sad but I no longer cry. I'm scared that I'm letting go too much.
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His lawyer may have put him up to it in an attempt to negate any prior agreement that was favorable to you.
As for the email, I also think that this is what he is trying to do. I completely agree with you! He is not my resposibility anymore. I love him dearly, but I am not going to sacrafice my kids well being for him.
I came home this evening and found H packed and leaving for a trip again. I didn't ask about where he was going and he didn't bother to tell me anything. I can see him wanting to hug the kids, but he didn't. I guess I'm just sad that it has come to this.
Just in case you are curious, I never confronted H about the OW.
