My first post was last night and it does help to get it all out. Can someone please read it and let me know if you think H is having MLC? He says it that it is because of me that we can't make M work! Why does all the blame always go on me? I spent our whole M taking care of him and kids and loving it. I probaly did take him for granted and now he is gone - lives in another state can DB work long distance?? Why can't I stop thinking about all of the good times and he says he can't remember many?? Are we all here because we were the rejected ones? They made the call and left so they are the ones in control right? How do people survive this pain it just takes over every part of your life? Any encouraging advice that would make me want to see this thing through? He is the love of my life and now we have 1800miles between us! How do you get past that? My girls and I miss him SO much!! HELP!!
I haven't posted for awhile but read everyone's updates everyday! I have so much respect for everyone here and it gives me comfort to see how far you have all come - there is hope - I like to keep telling myself that anyway. I was hoping that somebody can tell me what direction I should go. I have spent the last week in total backslides the last two weeks, I can't go for more than a couple days without hearing his voice. Of course he is cold and put off and I know that I shouldn't call. He does call the kids everynight guess I should be thankful for that. But, after reading and reading about MLC he is totally textbook and I just can't even begin to see the light at the end of this tunnel. Looking back now I can see that it started about 2 years ago.
The problem that I have now is that he living out of state, makes every excuse to why he can't come out (work, work, work), I have caught him in a few lies, he says he is broke which is not true, he has sent no money since Dec.5 and now has not called me in 2 weeks, but he always answers when I call. The only interest he shows to the kids is the 20sec. phone calls to the kids everynight. I know what I am supposed to do, but how do you not think about them 24/7? I can't concentrate at work, can't eat, sleep, nothing! How can one person cause so much damage overnight and not even look back? Our first court date is March 6, how can I try to make things better before then? How do I fix what I have done by pushing him farther away the last 2 weeks? So much more to say but I'll stop here for now.
First of all, there is nothing you can do not to think of him 24/7...this is a process for you just as much as it is for him. Don't beat yourself up about it. as for backslides, everyone has done them at one time or another. Again, don't beat yourself up about it.
What to do? Nothing. Don't call him and if he does call, let him talk to the kids and be business as usual, be pleasant. Don't ask him any questions unless it has to do with the kids.
You haven't said anything about your situation so more information would be helpful.
One thing is for certain, if he hasn't given you any money, after March 6th he will probably HAVE TO by court mandate especially if you have kids.
Give us more details regarding your sitch and then we can give you the best answers from our own experience.
Hang in there!
Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
I still don't understand how to do this board. My first post in under Need Some Help Tonight in the Midlife Crisis forum it explains everything, how do I put it together with this one.
J
Last edited by want_to_be_a_family_again; 02/06/0705:03 AM.
Hmmmm...I could not find it in the Midlife forum but they all look the same to me now....
So, here's how you link
First, open another window and go the DB thread and find your prior thread....in the address bar copy the link....
Second, come back to THIS thread and press the first button on the menu bar above (looks like the globe with the paper clip on it); then insert the link by hitting the paste function (contol + V) and then another window will pop up. My suggestion is to type in the name of that thread (in your case: Need some help tonight) and presto...it;s linked and we can click on "need some help tonight" and go straight to your original post and then you won't have to re-type it.
lemme know if it doesn't work.
Vali
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
