I'm at a point in my life where I'm slowly but surely writing the next chapter...there have been some settlement and D setbacks/frustrations, but I can do it.....I feel very good about myself!
"I am focused on what I am after. The key to the next open chapter. I found a way to steal the sun from the sky. Long live the day, that I decided to fly from the inside."
Recap: Me: 34 W: 39 (Parents D when she was 9) M: 13 1/2 years (together 16 years) Children: D11, D9, D 6, S4
Bombs March 26, 2006 (Just 2 days after my birthday!)
July 10, 2006 - EA with xBIL (just D my Sis final mid June 2006). W says she wants to D so she can pursue R/PA with xBIL. W hinted at wanting to do this back in April 2006...
September 5, 2006 - "You want me to serve you with D papers via mail or have a sheriff come to your work and serve you..."
D Papers served via mail on 9/28/06
W cornered by children about D. W told them without me present late on Sunday night 10 pm. Kids were sleeping when I got home from Grocery store. W never even called me - just told me when I came home. D10 fell asleep with a box of tissues on her pillow... W never even apologized for this.
Saw paper laying in Ws room with XBIL 3 initials and her 3 initials EXCEPT her last initial (last name) changed to match that of xBILs. It was some sort of a computer password???
xBIL is Godparent to D10. W and I are Godparents to xBIL/Sis S7.
Currently: Me living in family home. W rarely sleeps at the house. Most of the time, she drives to her Dad's (25 miles away) or stays with XBIL (10 miles away) after work ~12 am and then drives back home in the morning by 7 am so I can go to work. W works full time. I do nearly everything at my home - parent, clean, cook, laundry, lawn, etc...
Ws Last Statements Regarding M: "If you want to get this over with as fast as possible so we can move on, we should get everything done before pretrial. My L said she could hurry it up possibly...."
Also STBXW stated just how much the kids are going to love that she is going to marry XBIL....
My Last Response to W regarding M: "I have no reason to delay this..."
Positive Steps: She did make comments on 12/7/06 about how she isn't really okay that she doesn't see her kids that much right now. But feels like this is what she needs to do so one of us is always with the kids. Also said "I have never been a flake in my kids lives and I don't intend to be...............but you may disagree with me on that." LOL
Positive steps for me: With every day, I began to feel better and better as I detached. And while I will never say that my M was all bad, the last several years dealing with her Depression and low self-esteem was tiring.... I am happier in my life now than ever. I am going out meeting new people and enjoying my life. I started dating someone recently....
Behavior of all children seems to be affected a bit by the in home changes. Since Bomb - have worked to become the best Dad to them - utilizing my Children's LL as part of the process.
Personal Mantras: "I am not my Ws problem. Therefore, I cannot be the solution for my W."
"Let Go and Let God"
Feel free to comment, provide insight, and most of all pray.
It is there problem and no matter how strong we are and how much we try it is in God's hands. I believe once papers are finalized they will then begin the journey to realize that we truly were never the problem. But for now we are always the fail safe excuse for what they do.
Santhony! We missed you, dear friend! I hope all is going well. I read your new update...and I am happy for you.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
I am so sorry for being gone.... The holidays caught up with me and I found myself wrapping gifts until 4:30 am Christmas Eve!!!!
STBXW certainly drummed up some drama around the holidays that I tried to deflect a little. It didn't really bother me that much. Kids were also sick during the holidays as well and I spent as much time as I could GAL. I have met someone who I spend a little time with now. She is a very special person and I am enjoying the time I get to spend with her. Before anyone asks, I was 100% honest with her upfront about my sitch so she is well aware of what is going on in my life. Honesty is the best policy!!!
In addition, I did make it out to Mall of American in MN with the kids. They did awesome in the car and we all had a great time. I even got to me Fig and her boys ("the brothers" as my D6 calls them). We all had a great time (well except for the cheeseburger incident, but that is another story that I don't wish to visit...). It was so nice to meet her and her boys. Anyone up for some Cheese Curds?????
So far, 2007 has been a great, but very very busy year. D settlement stuff is coming to finality, but I did face some major setbacks and more threats from crazy STBXW. That stuff is the most difficult to deal with right now. I think we are getting close to finishing this. For me, the sooner the better. I have suffered through this enough.
I don't know that I would say I "took my gloves off" in regards to dealing with STBXW, but I certainly said somethings that have been needed to be said in a long time. You would not believe how crazy she was - first accusing me of having a GF in MN (Fig) and second, the repeated statements of "the person you hook up with in the future, the kids might now like" or "your future W will be a witch, and that might be a problem for me" or ".....fill in for yourself".
So I did it. I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. I let her have it and the good news is that at the end of me "letting her have it" was that I steered the convo back to being cordial and it ended well. Damn - did that feel good!!!!
I did it again yesterday as well. STBXW is bring the kids around him all of the time. Of course she justifies it as "he is their uncle" to which I respond "of course he is you freakin' idiot. That is why you shouldn't be dating him." I asked her to stop spending time with him and the kids together by asking her to put herself in my shoes. What if I brought my girlfriend around the kids right now - a) how would she like it and MOST IMPORTANTLY b) IS THIS WHAT WE SHOULD BE EXPOSING OUR CHILDREN TO RIGHT NOW!
She is delusional and I really hope she gets the help she needs some day. She has been a better mom lately, but she is still entirely selfish and is thinking only of herself. She even had the audacity to say that D11 said "Maybe Uncle J should D Aunt J and marrying Aunt K (my sis who's XH is dating STBXW)." STBXW thought this was cool she said this. I said how sick and twisted that is and that STBXW should be worried that D11 doesn't have a handle on what a healthly R/M should be. BTW - kids don't really know their Mom is dating XBIL.
Also, for ease, I learned from my sister that she calls her XH (XBIL) "Jack" - short for Jacka$$! I thought this was fitting, so I shall refer to him this way as well. In addition, more fitting would be to complete by STBXW "Fairy tale delusions" by deciding to call her "Jill". So "Jack and Jill can go up the hill to fetch a pale of water.....". Fitting I think!
My fortune for 2007 was as follows....
"The most wasted day is one in which we have not laughed."
For me, this could not have been more fitting.....
I will try to catch up with everyone. I am so sorry I have been away so long. The holiday busyness, GAL, difficult work schedule, and illness really are to blame. Many have tried to reach me to see if I'm okay. Now you know the answer. I did have to have an absess under the skin drained yesterday (I have some kind of boil/infection - I know - it's nasty). I hope it goes away soon, because it hurts like hell!!! Other than that, I'm doing just fine...
I continue to charge forward in life....A life of my own making...A life in which for the first time in a long time, I am at the helm.....
It was my guess that part of your absence invloved stressful D business, but more importantly, a distraction in the female form. Life is good if we let it.
Glad to see your resolve is strong to do just that. It is how your kids will know and remember you. They WILL come to remember what a flake their mom turned into, and like him or not, that XBIL-FHTB will never be their dad and will always be the person their mom broke up the M and home for. I hope she will always feel he was worth it, but I have become a believer here and I believe her day of reconning is ahead of her.
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