Well, here I am... back after another long hiatus. Things have been going downhill very slowly. Had an MC session today that just about killed me. W is quite down on the R, and has now said she "knows" things have no chance of getting better (vs earlier statements of "thinking" things have no chance).
W's bday is coming up this month. She's just said she'd like to fly out of town to get away from everything. There's been a lot of family stress (her family) lately, and she has always had issues with not liking her bday, and I understand the need. But, I firmly believe she'll take the opportunity to be with OM. I know she's looking for some "approval" from me or my help in saying I'll be fine with watching our girls that weekend. But, if she's going to see OM, I don't want to play any part in enabling that relationship. I would, of course, very much like to tell her "no, you can't go if that's the case." But, as I've learned, I do not control her - only she does. So, I plan on asking her point blank if she plans on meeting up with OM there. If she is, I plan on saying something like "I will not be an enabler for your relationship with him. I will gladly take care of our girls in your absense, because I am their father, but your choice to leave us to go be with him is solely your decision." As far as I know, she has yet to lie to a direct question (wish I asked more of them), so I feel that she would answer me honestly here. I don't know whether or not to lead with that question, as I do want her to understand I have no problem with her going on her own; but, I can't quietly ignore the fact I believe she has such plans, and I can't have it not stated, as I usually do.
Like I said, W's bday is coming up. I'm planning on getting her gift certificates from our local movie theater and Marble Slab from each of the girls, kind of as a "I want mommy to take me to movie and ice cream" each. I was planning on getting her a birthstone pendant necklace from me, with her birthstone and one of each of the girls'. Ever since coming up with the idea (one I REALLY like), I've felt weird about it. If the A wasn't going on, I'd so be proud of myself for coming up with it and finding this particular design, and would have ordered it a long time ago. (It's from a nice online jewelry store, and won't be cheap.) But, with the A, it's such a special guesture and idea to and from me, that I'm finding it hard to order it. Now, with W going out of town for her bday weekend, I'm really feeling weird about it - "happy bday... here ya go... and b-bye while you probably go see OM". The whole "no gifts" thing in DB is getting to me, too ... not that I've really been DB'ing for a while. Any thoughts are appreciated.
Btw, I did ask W about using this to go see OM, and her answer: "No, I don't plan to................ but, I'm not making any promises." Boy, did she really not need to throw that last bit in. It was said in such a tone of "I'll do what I want and I owe you nothing and no explanations." I really feel like she has absolutely no respect for me... and, I'm sure I've in-part caused that by my lack of action (being so f'ing lost in wtf to do).
Sorry - I've been purposely ambiguous about locations, for various reasons. I apologize if this causes confusion, but I still feel it necessary.
In this particular case, it hopefully suffices to say we live in state X, OM lives in state Y (although I suspect he's trying to move here), and W wants to fly to state Z (near where she grew up) on her bday. She wants to go somewhere that she has fond memories, away from here and away from family. Given what has been happening lately with her parents and other stresses (other than our R), I don't blame her. If not for the A, although I'd be upset she's leaving me and her daughters, I'd support her need to just get away. But, the situation is indeed otherwise. I basically told her that I understand, why I don't like it, but she makes her own decisions. I have a few other things I want to say, but will likely wait until our MC session next week to say them. No matter where we live or where she's going, OM has plenty of money (and apparently time) to meet up with her whereever she may be - where she plans to go for her bday weekend is no exception, and if anything easier than a number of other places.
