Im sorry I didn't make things clear. Wife is not going along on this trip. My wifes sister is coming in from south dakota. I live around Chicago. All of them are going to the city for the day to the aquarium. Wife has nothing to do with these kids unless its on her terms. She probably don't know anything about this.
The rest of her side is feeling so guilty about the positions they took, they want to do something with my girls. My girls don't really want to go. But they do love their aunt who has been their for them from the begining, and since she asked them to go, they feel they should, BUT this Grandma issue is their major concern.
I think I will call my SIL who really is with me throughout this whole mess. AFter all she is looking out for the best interest of the girls. AND if I explain to her the girls feelings, She will understand. They only problem is, it was her house where Grandma railroaded my D11 before Christmas. I mean she really let her have it as soon as she walked in. Asking her how she can be so selfish and not have anything to do with her mother, Yelling at her for making a police report against W new H the last time D11 went to visit. My D was in tears!! Called me up to come and pick her up because what Grandma has done. I later heard from my BIL that he told his W during this conflict, that if she didn't do anything about her mother and make her stop, that he would, and it won't be pretty.
So if nothing else. I at least have my BIL who will keep the peace. But I do want to contact my SIL first, since it is her mother. We'll see. I'll make the call later today. X
Well, I called SIL and told her my concern, she had a feeling I would contact her and has the situation all under control.
She told me that she had spoken to Grandma and said she better not pull the same crap she did at Christmas. She has to be gentle with these girls and if she is not, she will lose any type of relationship with them. Grandma told her that she was wrong in the way she treated Chelsea and that she assured her that she will not get in the middle again.
I was relieved to hear this and hope she sticks to it.I passed this info on to the girls. The oldest has NO desire to go, but Chelsea is looking forward to it. Like I said before, she loves her aunt and uncle and likes to be with them.
Who knows what might become of this. I'm still the biggest jerk, according to the family, (with the exception of these 2) And I really don't carewhat they think of me,(well, maybe a little) I was a GREAT son-in-law! And these other 2 are believing the lies my XW has told them. But there's nothing I can do about that. I have No control of that situation. It's their loss.
My girls love me and that really all that matters. Right? I'm getting more and more grey hairs over this. X
Oh. By the way. We have not heard anything from the girls mother now for 10 days. Seem's she's not to concern with the arangements I have forced her with as far as sending Chelsea down to GA. But that could change anytime.
I'm glad SIL had things worked out. And I'm glad that you were the Dad your girls needed.
And you're right about the rest. Nothing you can do about it. Your job now is to be the best Dad you can be to your girls, and to get on with your life with the same integrity you've always had. No one knows where these strange roads will lead one day. The best we can do is live our lives in such a way that we will be at peace with ourselves and the decisions we've made.
You're doing a great thing by your children. There are far worse legacies than that.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Been a while since I've written. Youngest D is now living with Xw on the account of MIL played a trump card where she has forced her D to "now be a Mother" Since I have No money. I can't fight it in the courts. D-12 was promised a weekend trip of shopping and fun. Turned out to be a plan to legally kidnap her for the fact that XW ran to her lawyer and filed a temp. custody order against me. Seems kind of a coincendence since I just had a court order to have her child support taken right out of her check. I had to do this cause she was short changing me every month by a couple hundred dollars, and since she will never return my phone calls and e-mails trying to get an explanation why, I had to force this issue. Turned out to backfire on me. ANyway. I am in constant contact with D12 and she tells me she is alone all the time while her mother and new H go fishing. Mom NEver dose anything with her without new H coming along. He decides all the shots and when D does not agree with them, SHe is punished by No contact with me. D HATES it down there and talks about running away. She cannot decide for herself until she is 14 who she wants to live with and Mom is making her life a living hell by not caring for her wants desires. Every time I talk to her on the phone, my heart crumbles. She crys half the time because shes so unhappy. SHe feels robbed of her life for a selfish act that her mother and grandmother have pulled on her. I'm afraid of what kind of long term results she will have from this ordeal.
Ive been going thru this crap for over 2 years and it ISNT getting any better!!
rider, I'm sorry you are going through this. I couldn't imagine dealing with what you are going through with your kids. I might be way off base here but it occurs to me that you might be able to get some results by having your D contact a local childrens aid organization. If she tells them of the neglect and emotional abuse that she is being subjected to as well as telling them that she wants to go live with her father they might be able to step in and help her out.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
When she was first sent down there, she complained that new H touched her and made references to her butt, made D uncomfortable. Then when D was on computer. He made a comment to her and asked her if she was watching porn! This is a 12 yr old girl!! I called a childrens aid and reported this and after they talked to D and her mother, they concluded that I was over-reacting. XW is a GREAT lyer. She has a gift of it and has the talent to get anyone and everyone to believe her. No matter what the situation. D wants her mother and father back together and I suppose she didn't want to create waves with her mom, thats why she folded. But on the other hand. I feel that DCFS could have seen through this smoke screen and acted more aggressive.
I now hear that D is emotionally envolved with a 15 yr old boy who smokes,(his mother buys him cigs) he was expelled from reg. school and now goes to an alturnative school, and is now experimenting with pot. I explain my disapproval of this boy to her and ask if her mother knows of this boys history and she tells me yes, I then ask her how she feels about it and she tells me she dosen't care, that they are planning to have this boy over for supper soon to get to know him better.
I have contacted D school to talk to someone there who can give her counceling. Had a nice long talk with the vice principle who told me she would do what she could to get D to come talk with her, to go through her true feelings and get her the emotional help D's craving for. I mention this boy to her and she told me he was a bad egg and that D should stay away from her. I told her where I am and that my contact with D is limited and I can only do so much, and feel her mother is not looking out for her best interest. VP told me that they were in the middle of SAT tests and that when that was over, she assured me taht she would bring D in and talk with her. So, SOme relief maybe coming my way, I just hope D opens up to her with the truth and VP would act on it. Would be nice to have someone repetable on my side.
