The more things change...

[toughlover]

There are two kinds but they're essentially the same and can affect either area (or both). It is highly unlikely that this cold sore is from any source other than my W. Trouble is, there is no way to know definitively. Which is kind of the point. The fact that it is highly probable, and even an issue at all, shows what a failure she was as a mother.

[cat03]

darn it TL, I'm sorry to hear this, this horrible monkey wrench thrown into your working R.

Yes, she's messed up, but I'll tell you right now, if you feel bad she feels 2x worse, please remember you have forgiven her ok?
I'd be angry too. Just remember, it is the consecuence of a sin that has been forgiven.

[Mamabear]

TL,
In no way am I trying to make light of your sitch with your son but I am going to gently use your own words as a velvet 2x4

I still have moments of rage and anger, bad memories and visions of her with OM that spring up. But now, if I let them take us down, it's my fault, not hers, because she's done her part. She's back.

That's why it's really about us, not them. We either let the hurt and negativity swallow us, or we don't. And even if we do let it swallow us, we can, like Jonah, pray to be delivered from the belly of the fish, and God is faithful to do that.

[toughlover]

Mama, hon, I appreciate what you're saying and I certainly deserve many 2x4s sans velvet, but this is just different.

I can think about all that stuff and not get real stirred up anymore. I'm very sweet to my wife. This is just another slap in the face...except it's not my face this time, it's my son's.

If it weren't for the fact that I'm a Christian and believe divorce is wrong I'd be outta there. I believe the practical results of staying together is because it's in the best interests of the family and the child as well. The family protects the child, or is supposed to until they're able to look after themselves.

But how does one protect his child from his own mother who behaves/behaved in a filthy, disgusting manner?

I mean now I want to stay together simply so that I can always be involved in his life 24/7/365 because if we split up and she were on her own God only knows what worse lifestyle choices she would subject him to.

This is probably gonna force us back into MC, or at least me, cause I don't know how I can ever look at her and not see a filthy disgusting whore.

[gotta_change]

I don't know how I can ever look at her and not see a filthy disgusting whore.

My H and I both tested positive for herpes. The non-genital kind. He is convinced that it was my A that gave it to him, although we could have contracted it anywhere.

I often hear that line out of my H's mouth, calling it directly to my face and all it does is burn the shame deeper into me. Just wanted to let you know that some of us KNOW that we did not take others health/safety/welfare into consideration when we had our As. And we will carry absolute mortification to our graves. I am thankful that it's nothing worse, but it's still bad....none the less.

[toughlover]

yeah, I know how badly she feels. Some nights she cries herself to sleep. I'm not beating her up over this anymore...that's why I spout off in here.

Truth is, though, when that happened to my son it flicked a switch. Things are different for me now I just don't quite know how they're different.

It's just sapped most of whatever joy I had been experienced as a result of our progress.

We've had to overcome some huge stuff, and we have with God's help, but it seems like everytime we top a hill it's only to discover Mt. Everest on the other side.

It's tiring.

[cat03]

and if it is not this it will be something else tomorrow TL, you know it.

I hope once you let that anger burn, I hope it burns out and that you overcome this Everest too. Sometimes we can't catch a break TL, I pray God takes the wheel off your hands for a while, vent and scream here, then tell Him to take over when you can't go on anymore.

[Heywyre]

Toughlover

Here is some information for you regarding coldsores:

There are two types - Type 1 usually causes oral herpes, or cold sores. Type 2 usually causes genital herpes. Although both type 1 and type 2 viruses can infect oral tissues, more than 95 percent of recurrent fever blister outbreaks are caused by the type 1 virus. Cold sores are one of the most common disorders of the mouth.

Most people will have come into contact with the virus between the ages of three and five but will not show any symptoms until after puberty.

Approximately 80 per cent of the adult population have antibodies against HSV-1 in their blood.

Around 25 per cent of the adult population have antibodies against HSV-2.

It might be a situation that your S does not have the antibodies and would have contracted it anyway.

Try not to be too harsh on your wife, she needs all the compassion you can give at this time - she probably feels dreadful as it is, giving it to you, and perhaps she didn't give it to your S

[cat03]

hey there TL, ,keeping an eye on you, dont' drop us like a hot potato luv

[toughlover]

Hey cat,

Not much to say. Things are very, very good right now except for the recent dilemma which I struggle with daily.

I never thought my wife and I would connect like we have. I honestly don't trust it very much yet, not because I think she's lying to me, but because I now know about all the bizarre thinking, mind games, and behavior and it makes me wonder if she's really in touch with reality enough, or knows herself enough, for this to be real...or if she's just grasping for what seems reasonable right now. It's hard to say, really.

She has always come across as very level-headed and has this ability to convince herself of anything no matter how ridiculous. I don't make my decisions as though she's doing that, but I must confess a nagging doubt that I think only time will bear out whether she's on board or not.

For the time being, though, things look real good. She's been very supportive of me lately and very affectionate. With the holidays over we've gotten a tad busier so we're having to fight to make time for ourselves but we ARE doing that.

One of the best things, though, is that our kids seem so much happier and more at peace now, and that in itself provides plenty of motivation.

The ML has gotten pretty unbelievable as well.

Of course we're praying together daily (almost) and serving together through church.

I certainly think we've put our money where our mouth is as far as doing our part but I believe God has blessed, and continues to bless, our obedience, and therefore deserves the credit and the glory.