The past week or so I have been have such positive things going on with my WAW and D situation. She has actually been talking and going from that she wants straight out of our R to confused and not knowing what she wants. The OM has even started to go away until a couple of days ago. I do belive she started to call it off with him and he was persistant and she finally gave in. Tonight I found a pic on the internet of them together of her holding him. I have been fairly good at keeping my jeolousy under control but lost it tonight and said things that was not right and was a big mistake. Now tonight she stated that she just wants me to go away, she doesn't even want to think about us, and leave her alone. Of course she was angry at the time but I guess I am back to square one with the communication and waiting on her to come to me. Sucks because we was talking so good and looking so positive. I know this OM isn't a big factor...she is only using him as a deteriant from her feelings of what is going on but still that jeolousy is eating at me. I think one of the hardest things about DBing is staying focoused on what you are doing and not letting your thoughts/emotions take control.
Even though tonight was very negative and a BIG slide-back after I let out all my rage I had I did feel better. Felt a somewhat release, but when I see how far the slide-back took me back I'll probably won't feel that dang good. Guess thats the way the cookie crumbles.
After our tidbit tonight I emailed her and told her that I couldn't do this any more and that I was done. Told her that if she needed me I would be here but was done trying I am setting her free.
Don't know if that is a good game plan to get her back or not but I can't take her with him and her being one way one minute and the total opposite the next. Someone on here stated that WAW usually back off after they feel they are getting to close...Maybe that is what she is doing....guess the only game plan I can do now is to let her have complete control and see what happens.
You need to start concentrating on YOU and let her deal with herself. As much as you feel you did a major back-slide, you did tell her you would be there for her, should she decide to come around - that's good. But, at the same time, you have taken your power back by saying you can't live like that anymore. That's what I did and (fingers crossed) H and I are piecing things together. I know it won't happen overnight but anything worth its salt will take time
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well its been a couple of days and no contact. I am glad because emotionally I couldn't handle it positive. I am at a delima now, I still want her to think that I am done but I think that I should talk to her and apologize/explain for blowing up the way I did. I am not or want to do any kind of R talk just. I just think that going off in a negative way might lead farther down the negative road. The last few days I have been totally off track of DBin. I have with her but emotionally I havn't been DBing myself, but I am getting back on track now.
We were making such positive baby steps but I had to loose my cool and blow up....This hampered everything and seems like I have to start all over again.
Should I apologies or just let things be and wait it out?
I've been where you are you are several times in my sitch. I think you should wait it out. Eventually she'll contact you. Who knows she probably feels the same way yuo do right now...both said and did things that you regret during this blow up. Give it some more time and do some things for yourself.
she didnt say anything...I was the one that said it all. All was related to OM and her R w/him. I basically called her serveral names and said serveral bad things about them together. I dont think she is mad over it anymore, I just think that she is affraid that I will go off again and I am not (or at least I am determined not to).
One of the factors in our S is my anger issues. I have greatly improved them and still working on them...even before the S. She stated that I changed but showed that night I blew up that I really didn't. I told her change takes time.
I Still havn't figured out what I am going to do. If I talk/apologies I think I should tonight. If I do wait it out will she think that I am still angry?
I just went through a blow up that involved police. I called them, I felt threatened by her rage and she wouldn't stop, plus our D was in the house watching all this. I'm also working on my anger issues (unsuccessfully at this time), but you are 100% in saying change takes time. I'm pretty much where your at right now, and trying to mend whatever I can before she leaves on her trip. I'm going to try to apologize for my actions (even though it was for self protection and my daughter's), but I wouldn't be getting any warm responses just yet. It's up to you to talk apologies or not. If you want to wait it out, just be happy around her so she won't think you're still angry.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
Sorry I didn't take all of your advise but you did give me confidence I needed...thanks.
I went and apologized for loosing my cool. She was very understanding and even somewhat ackwoledge that this was the first major blow up I have had since all this has happeded. She even said that she "probably desirved" all that I said to her when I was raging. Went very positive. Even had some postive R talk brought on by her. I did reinstate that I still do not agree with this D, and as long as he is in the picture that I can't do it I am done and if she needed me I would be here. She was almost in tears (dont know if that is a good sign or not) I know I repeated myself but I did come off a lot better in person than in the email I sent.
Quote: she didnt say anything...I was the one that said it all. All was related to OM and her R w/him. I basically called her serveral names and said serveral bad things about them together. I dont think she is mad over it anymore, I just think that she is affraid that I will go off again and I am not (or at least I am determined not to).
One of the factors in our S is my anger issues. I have greatly improved them and still working on them...even before the S. She stated that I changed but showed that night I blew up that I really didn't. I told her change takes time.
I Still havn't figured out what I am going to do. If I talk/apologies I think I should tonight. If I do wait it out will she think that I am still angry?
I have had this convo with my W many times. The fact is that they need to see change in their own time, and it does take time. Stay the course...it'll work out they way it's supposed to.
Well after apologizing and standing my ground yesterday, today I havent received anything from her. I know time and patience and all that jazz...but from the reaction she had yesterday I kinda thought that she would do something instantaniest. Last night she posted on her myspace page "Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."...Not sure what to take that as...if she is refering to me or to OM or what. If she truly feels that way she sure is advoiding the moments would "take her breath away"...us tackeling our problems and growing stronger from them would be the biggest breath taking moment.
I hope that yesterday by me saying that I couldn't do it with him in the picture any more that she veiwed it negatively as me saying him or me and me giving up. I hope that I didn't do any more pushing her away by saying that and by saying that I do feel that we could "talk though all this and make us stronger together" I know in the past couple of weeks that we have been talking that her thinking wheels has been turning I just hope that me going dark again that they still will turn and she still will have her mixed emotions and not just go back to what she was before.
Hey, I have not posted to before but I thought I would give my 2 cents.
Quote: I kinda thought that she would do something instantaniest.
Expectations are a killer. Try not to expect anything from the W.
Quote: Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."...Not sure what to take that as...if she is refering to me or to OM or what.
Analyzing things just screwes with your head. So stop it. Also I would suggest staying away from her "My Space" page. It is almost/if not snooping. again it kills the PMA.
Quote: she veiwed it negatively as me saying him or me and me giving up.
That is the way I took it. Sounded like you gave her an ultimatum (SP?)
Just my 2 cents brother, O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
