Hello all, This is one place I had hoped to not to have to return to but I know I can get advice and maybe even HOPE from those going through simular problems. Originally I was here due to her EA with someone while I was stationed overseas. We worked through all of that and had our lives back on track after much counseling and working together to sort things out. I was medically discharged from teh military last year, Nov 2005, and have had a hard time finding work due to the lack of college and my disability. So we are struggling with finincial issues now. She works but it isnt really enough to make ends meet. So the finiancial stress has gotten to her. She says I have a month to find work or she is leaving. We have been together for sixteen years and married fifteen with three sons. We have worked through so much, I love her and she says she still loves me but cant deal with the financial issues anymore. I dont want to lose my family and Im at a loss for what to do. I continue to look for work and am hoping to attend college this coming semester or perhaps the next depending on how long it takes me to get the GI Bill pushed through. I know if she leaves that will be the end of it for us....any hope out there?
No replies yet . Today is going ok I guess. The hunt for work continues, my W went with me to the employment office where I aubmitted two new applications of the six I was interested in. The other four had been filled. So at least she sees I am trying. The new issiues in our M is causing alot of stress and anxieties, bringing back some old worries that we had worked through and made much progress on. I worry now when she goes out for her "Me time", fears of OM creep back into my mind. Very stressful time for me. Im hoping she isnt seeing anyone else and I have talked to her about these fears as we had agreed upon doing when we were in counseling. She says there isnt anyone else in her life that she just needs time alone but I still get anxious and nervous about her having another A. I will keep looking for work and doing what I can to calm my nerves and hope for the outcome I want.
Sorry you are here, and I can feel your pain. I too have a lot of issues to work through, not just the A my H had. He is taking AD (high dose and the possibility of it increasing again - wait and see what the doc says), plus we are going for counselling, I am starting a new job next week, he is only working part-time (too much time on his hands - which scares me even more) and we just moved to a new city several months ago. All of this plus an A is enough to push anyone over the edge.
He too wants time alone to "work through things" and that is the hardest time for me because I wonder every single second what is he doing, who he is with etc. etc. It's torture but I have to try and put my mind on something else because no matter how much I worry, it isn't going to change what he is going to do. The only thing I can control right now is MY life, as difficult as it is at times.
I hope you can look inside yourself and find the strength to get through this. I know at times it seems as if there will never be an end to all the pain, but it will ease in time (I know because this is the second time I am going through it - and hopefully the last)
Hang in there ( which I know is easy for me to say) but it will ease in time. I can understand her frustration, bad enough the A, but financial issues alone can break a M.
My prayers are with you
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I agree the alone time is a killer, the thought run through your mind and "what ifs" are abundant to be sure. I try to keep occupied but is seems to always be int he back of my mind nagging and wont go away until she returns. I had worked through most of this until our recent problems. She tries to assure me that there isnt anyone else and I trully want to trust her. It is a very trying time. my W says that she loves me and hopes things work out, she just cant handle the financial stress anylonger. She has given me one month to find ANY job so I am on a hunting frenzy but this is the worst time of year to get work. I have applied for 12 jobs the past two days and continue to use the tools I have to locate more. It is difficult to locate work with a disability. Im bouncing off the walls right now because we are into an hour and a half of "her alone time" amd I am running out of job hunts for today. So I am looking through the DB site to keep my mind occupied. Daytime TV is sooooo boring! I wish you luck on your M as well. I do pray daily and will add you to my prayer list. We all could use it.
The pressure of an A is bad enough, but having to find a job too (with an ultimatum hanging over your head) is all the worse.
Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Perhaps if she sees you are at least trying to find something she will give you a little more time if the month runs out. Don't think of tomorrow or the next day, or two weeks from now. it is too much for us to handle at this point. Try to work through today, that is tough enough. As a matter of fact, I usually have to work at just getting through an hour at a time.
My H went out for coffee with his friend this morning (another thorn in my side as he has been spending oodles of time with this guy - who doesn't have a life of his own so sucks whatever life my H has, which isn't much, out of him) and he was gone for about 2 hours - it was torture. However, I got through it and felt good about it.
One minute, one hour, one day at a time - the pain shall pass
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Another day. Im still job hunting, things are stressful but we are taking it a day at a time. She still says ILY and such. I ask her if she thinks we will work everything out she says "I hope so" so I guess thats better than I dont know. I guess she is still holding out to see if I get a job before Feb. I think she is having some self identity issues as well, I would like to go back to counseling but we cant afford it so I will continue to counsel here. She is going out to lunch witha F friend from work, so I am having some anxieties but she assures me that she doesnt want anyone else. Im glad she still remembers and practices some of the stuff we learned at counseling. Trying to keep the lines open between us.
Another day. Im still job hunting, things are stressful but we are taking it a day at a time. She still says ILY and such. I ask her if she thinks we will work everything out she says "I hope so" so I guess thats better than I dont know. I guess she is still holding out to see if I get a job before Feb. I think she is having some self identity issues as well, I would like to go back to counseling but we cant afford it so I will continue to counsel here. She is going out to lunch witha F friend from work, so I am having some anxieties but she assures me that she doesnt want anyone else. Im glad she still remembers and practices some of the stuff we learned at counseling. Trying to keep the lines open between us.
Another day. Im still job hunting, things are stressful but we are taking it a day at a time. She still says ILY and such. I ask her if she thinks we will work everything out she says "I hope so" so I guess thats better than I dont know. I guess she is still holding out to see if I get a job before Feb. I think she is having some self identity issues as well, I would like to go back to counseling but we cant afford it so I will continue to counsel here. She is going out to lunch witha F friend from work, so I am having some anxieties but she assures me that she doesnt want anyone else. Im glad she still remembers and practices some of the stuff we learned at counseling. Trying to keep the lines open between us.
HI, I'm sorry she's put you under the gun in such a way, it isn't your fault the job sitch isnt' as good as it used to be. For the first 4 mths my H was back I kept thinking any day now he'd say "you know, this isnt' working, I'm leaving" or "I want to go back to OW". It is normal to feel like this, just dont' let it get the best of you, I know my imagination runned wild. Fear is our strongest enemy, fight to keep your confidence, keep the negative thoughts out of your head. I knowi t is hard, but focus on good thoughts, the more you dwell in the "what ifs.." the worse it will be for all, the more insecurities your'll reflect on her.
Hang in there, I pray you find a job soon.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Well its the weekend so no job hunting til monday. I do have a possible State job, Im hoping to hear back mon or tues. I dont want to get to excited because I have had "possibles" so many times that its insane. My W is even a little hopeful which is a good baby step but I do cringe with each passing day and no work. As for the worry and anxiety, Im dealing with it one day at a time as well. Its all I can do, between worrying about the M, bills, jobs I feel as if Im about to lose my mind over all of this mess. I just keep working at it and praying hard and hoping everything will work out....
. Today is going ok I guess. The hunt for work continues, my W went with me to the employment office where I aubmitted two new applications of the six I was interested in. The other four had been filled. So at least she sees I am trying.
I dont want to get to excited because I have had "possibles" so many times that its insane. My W is even a little hopeful which is a good baby step but I do cringe with each passing day and no work.