AMD, OK, I know about Brazillians It is uncomfortable but not real pain. It also depends on who you see to get it done. And if you want everything removed or not.
Let me warn you though....
Once you have it done you will love it and will never go back to the way things were.
It will change your sex life forever.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Mama, vent about your vampire MIL all you want. I have one of my own, who called me a "daughter" and dropped me in a heartbeat listening to her obvious psycho son -- who she helped become psycho. OK, there...feeling better. I guess true colors come out, don't they. You will get through this. Let your H go through the motions...reconnecting. God balances everything in the end, and we know what a wonderful woman youa re.
Why are you reaming yourself for venting here about the car? Feeling inadequate and weak???? WHAT????
You went through MLC hell for FOUR years...and I complain about 16 months. Your H left for TWO years. You raised EIGHT kids on your own. You dealt with life turning upside down with grace and kindness (meaning you did not KILL your IL's ).
You are a STRONG, SMART woman who can ROCK the world. There ain't nothing you can't do. Even superwomen have bad days.
Hi BND.. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, it was tough to deal with the truck breaking down in the middle of the road. And your H was very sweet to wonder why you didn't call. He wanted to be able to help you and protect you, even from 3000 miles away!
Like PL, etc, have said, it's ok to let someone help and it's good for our souls to let them help. It makes us appreciate others and relaize there are really people who care out there.
7 years ago, I was feeling very upset (over my breakup with an ex-boyfriend) while driving home on a wet night. The road surface was glistening from being wet, which made me misjudge where the railroad track was so I turned too soon - onto the railroad track. Had to call 911 to stop the train, and some kind stranger towed my car off the tracks. The tires were busted from the incident. I was so thankful for that kind man's help. There really are Good Samaritans around.
It's ok to have a pity party now and then, it's understandable. Hope you're doing better today. Hugs, PH
BND - I have just caught up with your thread, and wanted to add my two cents. We are at different points on the road - your h is further along emotionally than mine, but my h is at home, although I think it may be temporary for now. So, I am adding something to the 'email incident'.
They are still in passive agressive mode, and need to blame us, in part, for what has happened. My h did the same thing in the first 'serious' talk we have had in many months. [And no, we aren't having too many of those]. I think they have a real need to assign some of the responsibility for what has happened outside of themselves, for their own self respect.
So I listened, validated, but didn't accept everything, but did it gracefully. It was a boundary for me. I said that I was sorry that he felt unloved, and for my part in making him feel that way, but that I would have welcomed him talking to me about it, and were there real obstacles to our having had that type of conversation? Then I left it. It was a nice way, I hope , of saying, don't dump all of this sh*t on me.
BND - it is tough living together after a long period apart - and your h is much more committed to your relationship than mine is to ours at this stage. But I think we are all asked to take on 'blame' and responsiblity for their actions, partly out of projection and partly because acknowledging fully what they have done is really tough.
I don't know anyone who has got back together who say it has been easy, but I also don't know anyone who says they regret it.
Sorry for the mini-hijack coming, BND.
Angelica, I am fascinated with your sitch because I think you are a few months ahead of me on a similar journey. Check up on my thread when you have a chance, and let me know what you see. Meanwhile, I hope you will check in with us on the details of what has been going on in your sitch on your own thread, maybe weekly if you can? I know you are probably busy! But I think it will be so helpful to understand (and also for you, to document!) this phase of this most challenging journey. And we will support you too I am quite sure you still have some time to put in on this path. Yippee, huh?
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
I have been sick and have just caught up with you. I'm sorry you've had a tough time, esp with your car. Of course it's normal to be angry that you have to deal with that alone. I feel the same way when something happens that I feel I should have help with (e.g. two vomitting children). The problem is that what "should be" isn't what "is." In the moment, that's hard to remember, but you did, and that's what matters.
B, you are under a lot of stress. I know you're happy that your H is coming home, but there are still a lot of unknowns: how will it work out, how will you renew your marriage, you'll have to get to know each other again, will you really be able to forgive, you won't be able to make all the decisions anymore, etc. Now and then, the stress will lead to a mini-breakdown. Please be aware that you are in a tough situation and be kind to yourself.
I get the feeling that you feel like you should be happy all the time now b/c your M is healing, but that's not realistic. Yes, you are in a better place than you were a year ago, but you are still healING, not healED. Give yourself some space to be sad, to be angry, to be afraid...it's OKAY! You may be an amazing woman, but you are still human, after all!
Love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
There is no more yelling at one another, or screaming. We have been talking and listening to one another.
I never want to go backwards, or end up in a riproaring fight with him over something petty.
There is no joy or satisfaction over tearing someone down and making them feel like s**t.
I have learned so much from the DBing principals and from my friends here on this BB.
Gosh, I totally hear you on this. It is wonderful to not have those horrid screaming matches anymore. I feel the exact same way, I will never go back to that, ever again.
Thank you for reflecting on that. ((HUGS))
I need to catch up on everything with you...so he is coming home in Feb?? And you have V-Day all set up already? I am so excited for you!!!!
Me: 38 H: 39 DS: 6 DD: 3 Married 7 1/2 years - together for 10 Bomb - 12/17/05 MOW Bomb - 12/25/05 Separated and H adamantly wanted a D: 1/16/06 H moved back: 8/06
You stood for so long and now look at oyu. It is truly amazing.
did you ever feel like giving up? Did you ever think -this is it-OW makes him happy? When you didnt speak -how on earth did you get through it, especially with children..how did you interact with H?
I'm just doing a little research for myself...Thanks
Guess I am lucky in that regard. H and I have never had any screaming matches (other than the day the bomb dropped and I let loose on him - well deserved I figured)
Of course, I think a lot of it has to do with us both being married before and just having enough of the arguing. We're probably too tired out to fight anymore - lol
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I am quite sure you still have some time to put in on this path. Yippee, huh? 