i also want to point out something. attraction is about seduction. seduction is actually an art. to make the attraction (hence chemistry, hence love feelings) to last, is good to know about the art of seduction.
seduction is not about baring your whole soul and character and everything in a relationship. doing this is a sure formula to kill love. is an art that will maintain the sparks in a relationship. is good to know and learn it, imho.
i am pointing this out because i think that when one is lucky to meet the "right" one, knowing what to do is the next thing we must learn.
Quote: i also want to point out something. attraction is about seduction. seduction is actually an art. to make the attraction (hence chemistry, hence love feelings) to last, is good to know about the art of seduction.
seduction is not about baring your whole soul and character and everything in a relationship. doing this is a sure formula to kill love. is an art that will maintain the sparks in a relationship. is good to know and learn it, imho.
i am pointing this out because i think that when one is lucky to meet the "right" one, knowing what to do is the next thing we must learn.
I'd disagree on your definition of seduction. I was fooled into thinking that someone other than my H cared for me. He was very smart, cunning even. Had me fooled into thinking he cared about me. His bottom line....was my bottom. Sure - he was nice to me afterwards - because he wanted that bottom line again, and again if he could have it.
Seduction CAN and should involve love. Otherwise it's just lust.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
let's not talk about those weired women, there are always exception. usually a mother's love is great, i am just looking at is there never changing love on earth. i know my mom's love for me would never change.
if you want to talk about examples, there are also cases of great love between men and women, isn't it?
i am not very into karma, but i have already told my God that i would accept punishment from him. He knows what i am doing.
thanks for pointing out reality, i am also doing a lot of thinking myself. is good for others to point out because i would miss a lot by myself.
me and my H are on good terms again, we have always been on good terms actually. i have decided to focus on with my career, let my mind rest, let nature takes its course and let things unravel themselves.
What am I to do with you...yes, seduction is an art, one that definitely needs to be learned.
But...
You mentioned that your H had a few regrets about you when you had the discussion...what about working on those and see how he changes...it just takes one to get the ball going...try that.
Don't be so sure that your OM will leave his wife...more cases show that at the final point, they either chicken out or realize it was just a dream.
I think you owe it to your H to try to resolve your issues. Without seeming or needing to put you down, it's not my idea to judge, but, it seems you are way too much into your needs w/o thinking about what recourse it will have for your H. You have spent some time with him. He should not be cast out as yesterday's news.
I truly believe that there is not just one person for anyone in life...there are hundreds of people. God would not limit us to just one; that being said, you need to reflect about what you really want from your life and plan goals...the answer doesn't lie in being with a man...you need to become whole before you enter into another R. The next R, if you so choose to, should be a person who is your partner...not a fantasy read in romantic novels...reality proves, all marriages go from lust to loving companionship and those are the facts...you or whomever you become next involved with, will reach the same point...it's up to you both, to keep the love alive...that Sonata, you can also do with your H...people are not that disposable.
IMHO, you will encounter the same thing in your next R, b/c it seems you need to be in love 24/7 and that is not how love works...
Quote: i only discovered that i felt nothing when i had sex with him for the first time during honeymoon, and that was also my first time.
Well, I'll not argue this point... And MAYBE your H is not a great lover. But at the point you committed to him you should be completely committed to doing whatever to make your marriage work. Not to sound like a Bible thumper but have you read any books on marriage that are Christian based? In order to gain some perspective of what the intent of marriage is w/ in the context of a loving relationship w/ each other? I know for me personally some of the books I have read in the past 20 months have been a real eye opener. And the funny thing is my personal beliefs matched very closely just not in the same language. SEX is something that was intended to be VERY special within a marriage. It WAS intended to be satisfying. But it sounds like you want to just show up and expect that everything will be rockets and stars. Maybe I'm off base, but I can tell you if you expect to have a great love life you have to do some work. XW wanted to be wooed/romanced. Acted like life was a romance novel all the time. Expected to feel "IN LOVE" all the time. That's not real.
Quote: but if OM and me are really meant for each other, time will tell.
Don't count on it. Most men do NOT leave. I know I wouldn't have. Even if he does leave.... he may not divorce or he may use you as the "exit relationship"; seen that more than a few times at work!
Quote: sticking to a marriage for the sake of children? i guess being mature is to be responsible isn't it?
Well yeah! And being mature means HONESTLY looking for the good in your H and ASSUMING that he intends you goodwill. I am certain your H is a man of good intentions and would not willingly do something hurtful or mean to you... I would also encourage you to find a copy of the TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR MARRIAGE... Forget who wrote it... Maybe b/c of you I saw it in a store yesterday and was thumbing through it. Told the story of Jacob, Leah, Rachel... Long story short, Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah when he wanted Rachel. Gets Rachel eventually. Doesn't like Leah but she's the one who keeps getting PG and popping out kids for him. She doesn't have a spark in her eyes for him. Basically he got stuck w/ the sister nobody wanted. Eventually Rachel dies and is buried. Later in life Jacob buries Leah in the "family plot" DOESN'T have Rachel reburied there. Gist of the whole story is LEAH is the one that Jacob grew to love, cherish, adore etc...
YOU may want to consider what the effect on your marriage would be if you spent all your energy looking for good in your H and M and less on "being happy".
Quote: i want to grow old with a man i truely love. is this just a fantasy? will love die? i used to think that love dies anyway over time, but now i think that love will not die when you are with the right one. i don't know i am right or not, but i am willing to find out.
So why did you really marry your H? Do you think he's incapable of loving you? Someone on the BB here has a tagline that basically says "just b/c someone doesn't love you the way you want doesn't mean they don't love you". Is this the case w/ you? And you know something? MAYBE you can D, marry OM and live happily every after. It DOES happen. Just know the odds are very much against you. B/c I'm betting that you and your own personal issues, whatever they are, are more the problem here than your H. Wherever you go, they will be there too. At least until you resolve them. And maybe, just maybe, you'll find that things are better w/ H then. Funny how that works.
I am having a really hard time with your posts here. I don't even feel that you are real but rather someone looking for some attention. IF you were at all interested in your Husbands feelings you would work with him. You would go to therapy, read books, whatever it took. You have rationalized everything in your head already to be with another man, a married man. This is lust, not love. I am so sad for you if your story is even true. By your own hand you will be destroying 2 families for the sake of your "feeling good". Great sex is so much better in a marriage and it has to be something you work on. Honestly, your selfishness and your attitude just make me sick. Please seek some professional help.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
you can have whatever opinion, but how could you say that my story is not true? does it seem so far fetched? since you think that this story doesn't sound true, it just means that this is a sticky situation.
i started to post in this forum before i realised later that this place is more for the "victims". i admit i am the bad person here, maybe people in this forum could take a peep into what is going on in the mind of the person wanting to leave.
everyone's aim is to be happy. if your spouse is leaving, and you try all means to make him/her stay, you are being selfish too, you are also just trying to make yourself happy by not letting go.
also, i think each of us should also take a look at oneself. ( my post is not directed at anyone) ar you really not at fault if you spouse want to leave? for eg, did you let yourself go? did you grow fat? did you bother to makeup, dress up and look nice? did you take everything for granted? did you keep improving yourself and not to depend on anyone if one day your spouse were to leave you?
i think it is very important to learn to be self sufficient, and have a lot of self esteem. when a person is at this level, he will not be that devastated when the spouse wants to leave. the more you want to hold onto something, the more you will lose it. the more carefree and self confident you are, the more you will get. just my own thinking, no one needs to agree.
