It wasn't a good day for me after visit from W. I should have known better than to give her the opportunity to pick at my emotional scares. I think she enjoys trying to make me feel bad about myself. There is a pattern here that I ignored thinking it was just irrational thought on my part, but whenever I'm feeling really good about my future and start to really move on, the W starts in on the reconciliation spiel. After a positive response from me, she then goes and slams the door on my face all over again. It's so damn frustrating, this is the last time.
A good friend of mine who I have confided in gave me some good advice that I need to heed. He told me that I really have to make a decision about my future goals and stick to achieving them no matter how much W tries to manipulate my emotions. I have to make the decision at this point to leave this marriage behind and start a new life for myself. I can no longer give her the decision because she's not capable of making it on her own. I didn't want to end it, I took responsibility for my part in it, I tried as best I could to save it, but I failed. I just can't do this anymore. I have to stick to that decision.
I'm not listening to anymore talk about reconciliation. I don't know what her motive is for it and I just don't care anymore, it's not with honest intentions. I really need to get this behind me. My last stumbling block is the sale of our house and until that happens, I'm going to have to learn how to deal with her and recognize/ignore her manipulative tactics while maintaining a healthy relationship with my boys.
Her and jail bird really deserve each other. What a reality check she's in for. She's been so delusional for so long, she doesn't have a clue!
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
YOU are the only one that knows when it is time to pull the plug and when you have had enough. No one else can make that decision for you. I am sorry it has come to this, but at the same time, you have a right to be happy - and you aren't in that place right now. You have to do what's right for YOU
Best of luck in the house selling - hope it completes quickly and doesn't cause you too much stress - we here for ya!!
Take care
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I too support your decision As, but with one correction. You did not fail. Your wife failed you. She has lost YOU. You were the prize. Best to you, Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
You guys know how painful this experience is and there's not always that many people we can confide in who understands what we are going through. This place is really a great outlet for me and I appreciate the input from you folks. I'm the type who doesn't make a critical decision lightly because I always want to do the right thing. I leave no stone unturned to find alternatives or compromise. In this situation, I think I've turned all the stones available. I want to heal what's left of these scares. Thanks for your positive reinforcement.
I thought my situation was unique before I came to these boards, but boy was I wrong. You learn so much about the human spirit through adversity. It's really something to admire.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
It is amazing what we go through (and put ourselves through) and still come out on the other side sane (or are we? )
Funny you should say you thought your sitch was "unique" as that was one of the comments C made to us. He said, regardless of what you are going through right now, you should know, your situation is NOT unique. It actually made us both feel better just him saying that.
No one can tell you what is right and wrong and as much as we all want to do the "right" thing, WE are the only ones that know what that "right" thing is.
You should be commended for holding tough as long as you have, I would think most posters on here would be thrilled to have a S that has been as dedicated and understanding as you have been.
I have to say, it is definitely your W's loss.
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I've read your posts on other threads and kept up with your sitch from a distance (so to speak). I'm so sorry that after all this, your W continues to toy with you. I had much hope for you and while it is true that where there's life, there's hope, I can fully understand why you are at the place you are.
You have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of. If you should decide to permanently move on, you can do so knowing that you did your level best...that you didn't take the easy or quick way out...that you stood for your M, your W, and your kids...that you didn't shirk your responsibilities, retreat into denial or self-destructive behavior, or run from the hard things.
Instead, you showed strength, patience, perseverance, understanding, and honor. It is now (past) time for your W to make a choice to do these things. If she won't, then it is she who has lost you, not you, her. Clarity, wisdom, and serenity to you.
I can't belly ache about this anymore so I'm going to use this forum to continue the healing/learning process and to offer encouragement and understanding to others going through the same thing.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I am sorry you had to come to this conclusion, but I know you must in light of what has happened.
I only hope that I have half of your determination and strength to fight for my M as you have yours. If at that point I find it can not be saved, I would know I have done all I can. Therefore, you did not fail. Your W has failed you and your M. You can not change her, but you can leave this sitch behind with the peace you are so rightfully entitled.
Thank you for being so giving and selfless by staying to assist those in need (like me).
Do not look at it as you failed. Look at it as you succeeded in creating a better life for YOU. You are in a much better place when YOU are in control of your life. The bad moments is when you let your W sneak back in and take some control back.
I am behind you and I am sorry that it is going to come down to this. However, I am happy that you have stood as long as you have and really gave it your all. You have created a better life in the past year or so for yourself and that is really what matters here.
No one knows what the future holds for you and your STBX. A lot of the people I see on here that reconcile their difference have either been D'ed or have been legally seperated for quite sometime.
Move on with your life for You brother. Take care of you and your kids because in the long run that is all that you are gauranteed.
Hey, If you ever need to chat you know my number...
Take care, Ben
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I also came to the decision to end our M even though the OW dumped my H and he wants our M back. The problem is that H has not ever been humble about the A or accepted responsibility. He lied for weeks about the P part and then has only admitted they were together physically once. What a laugh. Either way, nothing in the last few weeks has shown me that anything has changed. The continual lies are the biggest teller of all.
I have been struggling with the moral aspect though. I did some soul searching and my H is not a believer. Biblically, it says that once a non-believer is gone, you are to let them go. If he was a believer, I think the outcome would be different.
I am sorry you have to move on but I wish you the best. However, I also admire those that stay and try to repair their R. I am trying to sort out how and when I can forgive but will get there eventually.
)