Just getting started piecing it back

[tgh]

jersting-DO NOT make the same mistake I made. I threw the D word around thinking it would shock my H and he would wake up and try to do something differently. It backfired on me BIG TIME. The only thing it did was force my H into considering a life without me. H told me that divorce is an invasive thought and once it gets in your head it becomes easier and easier to consider.

Listen to Ian-he's so wise-lose the divorce talk. It will not be to your benefit. Trust me.

[grasshopper]

Yes, it was for you and I had a longer post written to you yesterday but forgot to actually post it. Sorry. Dunno what it was about.

GH

[jersting]

I have a question. Do we still keep DBing like before? What I mean is, at the point w and i are at, do I still wait for her to call me or until something really important to call her or can I call her just to talk and see how her day is going?

[toughlover]

Do we still keep DBing like before?

Hey, DB is for life in the sense that you just need to continue to be a strong, indepdendent, respectful and loving husband. That's what it's really all about.

can I call her just to talk and see how her day is going?

You are the only one who can determine that. It really depends on your W and where y'all are at. If she really likes for you to do that, then sure. If she would tend to see it as insecurity/checking up, then I wouldn't just yet. At least not too much.

But at some point you just need to try stuff and see how it goes over. Less is more in almost every case, I think.

[jersting]

I had a nice Christmas. I went to family home and had Christmas eve with W and her family. She said she was sick so I worked very hard around the house getting it ready for her family to come over. I stayed there that night and woke up with her and kids Christmas morning. Later in the day I asked what the plan was for that night and she said lets just see what happens. I mentioned to her that we should get the kids stuff ready to go to my place and she said maybe we would not need to. That night we went to my fathers for Christmas and had a nice time. Everyone in my family treated her like nothing was wrong. On the way home she asked me what the plan was for tonight and I said I thought we could just stay there and leave to go to my place tomorrow. She did not say anything. When we walked in the house she told me she wanted us to leave right then (at 8:30pm) that upset me a little that I would have to get all the kids stuff together for the week and we would spend Christmas night just the three of us and no wife or mom. We started getting everything together and she opened the check my dad gave her for Christmas and it was half as much as last year. She said in a sarcastic tone "it must have been a rough year". I asked her what she ment by that and she just ignored me. We finished getting the stuff together and left. She called about an hour later and talked to the kids, I did not talk to her because I was still a little upset. She called back again an hour later and I had to talk to her because my D handed me the phone and said mom wants to talk to you. She said she felt bad because of the way that went and she enjoyed spending the weekend with me. I said that I enjoyed it too. I was real short with her on the phone and ended the conversation the first chance I got. She called today to tell me she was going to work until 5 and I could call her there if I needed anything. I did not call and I expect she will be spending her evening with her boyfriend tonight. I am going to start walking and see what happens. Thanks for listening and respond if you want.

[sofaraway]

Hey Jersting, so tell me what's happening buddy. Xmas night sounded a little difficult. How has she been since pal? I think what you asked about DBing in the situation that you are in is easy to answer. Until you are living back together and working on the R together, yes you keep your guard up and protect yourself. You have to keep working on you even after you become a we again my friend.

I just wanted to check in on you and make sure you were ok, things change so quickly around here you can really lose touch fast. Anyway, I hope you are doing ok bud, let me know if you need anything.

Ian

[jersting]

SFA,
Things are going ok for me, but I don't know how things are for us. I am just living my life one day at a time to see what happens. I have had my kids all week this week and we are having a blast. This is my weekend with them and I am going to make sure we have plans for new years eve. My w has been calling every night and I try to avoid talking to her but she calls again after the kids go to bed. I am not mean to her but I do keep the convo very short so I don't blow up. I think the more time she spends away from me the more she wants to be with me?? I am going to let her keep our marriage together if she wants, but I am not going to stop our marriage either. So that is where I am at, one day at a time. Thanks for checking on me and have a Happy NEW YEAR.

[Tiara Boy (CM)]

Heya Jersting!! That's all we can do is one day at a time. I have said that sitch for me has taught me more about One day at a time then my almost 9 years in recovery.

You truly have to live it moment for moment and focus on YOU. Boy it sure is easy to say that and so hard to do at times.

Have a wonderful NYE with the kids!!!

[OldFool]

Hi jersting!

I'd lost track of you. Didn't know you'd moved over here from the "Walk Away Wife Syndrome" section. I posted a note on that thread that you're over here now.

At any rate, I've been reviewing your thread to catch up. Wow!! So much has happened since your last post over in WAWS back in Nov. I'm not anywhere near where you are so I have no advice for you. Just curiosity I suppose. I'll agree with you, however, that you are caught in a rather strange kind of limbo.

I am encouraged by what has transpired in your sitch and I would assume that you now have some cautious optimism for the future. I pray for strength and patience for you. I get the feeling you'll be needing plenty of both in the coming months. Stay strong and know that I'm sending best wishes your way. May 2007 bring about the revival of your M, happiness to you and your W, and a peace that passeth understanding.

[jersting]

Thanks Oldfool.
You are right, patience is the key now. From my last post, more things have happened. Last night as a matter of fact, we spoke on the phone. It was a heated battle that I did not want but she would not let me out of it. I hung up on her and she called me back. She hung up on me and as hard as I tried, I could not resist calling her back. The last thing I said to her before she hung up on me for the last time is..." I said I would be your friend through this and you have made it impossible for me to be your friend. You have turned this into a love hate relationship and the way you are being with me, if I can't love you with all my heart, I can't even like you because of the way you are treating me right now. As much as I love you, I can't keep this up and I give up." She then hung up on me and we didn't call back. This morning she called and I let the voice mail get it. She left a message that she was sorry and she did not want this to happen to us. I did not call her back and she showed up at my place an hour later. She came in crying and saying she could not believe we let this happen. I told her that I did not want this to happen either, but we can get through it if we want to. She hugged me and kissed me on the lips and started to leave. I told her that I would blow off work today and spend the day with her if she wanted to. She said she had thought about that too, but she could not miss work today because she took off yesterday to be with the kids. To be completely hounest with you, at this point if we did not have kids, I would just walk away from her. I am at my wits end and I don't like the way my life is going right now but my two kids are keeping me hanging on. I don't want to have this attitude, but I don't see to where she has left me any other choice.