I can't believe my thread locked over the weekend. Here we are at Part III (title is an Indigo Girls song that showed up last night on my iPod, while I was driving and crying)
My first post here is just going to be a prayer request for Christians on this board. I am SO in need tonight.
Like you don't have a zillion needs of your own right now, I understand. I just wanted to beg you to stop and pray for my marriage.
It's been teetering on its last legs for a while, but I have been stupid and reckless with my words and pushed it over the edge. In fact, it may be too late but I need prayer to see if we can save it (like Superman flying around the world backwards to turn back time, to stop Lois Lane from dying, in the first Superman movie). I have been reckless and mean and unforgiving, and I am SO WRONG. Please pray that it's not too late and God will do something amazing from my stupidity and hurtfulness.
I have already asked for forgiveness and begged him to give me another chance. This is all too vague, I realize. I have tested God, I think, and He's not having it. I am SO STUPID. And judgmental. And WRONG. Please pray for me -and for H's heart to not harden completely under all the weight of this horrible year between us. It has been brutal and awful and I am finally, utterly, and totally lost without divine intervention. LOST. My faith wavered (to put it mildly) over the last few weeks and I turned my back on God's will and have been a horrible (HORRIBLE) example of a helpmeet to my husband. OMGosh, I cannot even cry another tear today I am so dry.
Let me hush already and get this post up to beg you for prayer for this marriage to not end.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Thank you, sweet friend. I have been reading your thread, but been drowning too recently to post to anyone. I do hurt for your situation, and understand how you got here. I do.
I, of course, posted to my blog about it, but also included lyrics. Because, ya'll who've been hanging on this trainwreck with me know: I love me some lyrics. I've been remiss lately, but these are sadly appropriate tonight.
In every heart there is a room A sanctuary safe and strong, To heal the wounds from lovers past Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones You answered me with no pretense, And still I feel I said too much. My silence is my self defense
And every time I've held a rose It seems I only felt the thorns. And so it goes, and so it goes, And so will you soon, I suppose
But if my silence made you leave Then that would be my worst mistake, So I will share this room with you, And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed It's just as well for all I've seen. And so it goes, and so it goes, And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you That's if the choice were mine to make, But you can make decisions, too. And you can have this heart to break.
And so it goes, and so it goes And you're the only one who knows.
And So It Goes, Billy Joel
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
oh sweety, I know you've been feeling specially bad these past weeks, hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I know it has been extremely hard and that you have tried w/all your might you be forgiving and to turn the other cheek, how many times I've come to your thread looking for encouragement. I firmly believe the closer you get to God the angrier the enemy gets and tries to shake you up even more.
I will be praying for you all day honey, your tears are being counted by our Lord, you know that, you are never alone. You'll be in my prayers dear friend, you've been in them this morn, hugs sweety, try to focus and take it one hr, one day at a time))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I pray very hard to be a mirror in which God's grace touches my H, but in the end the "doorknob" to our Hs' hearts is inside. Your H's is the one who can to open the door to His grace, you are only human and that weight-finding his way back- isn't on your shoulders to bear.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
BI - I don't know how much my words mean to you now, but I think it's important to remember that your heart and mind have always been in the right place throughout this whole journey. You are human and your feelings may have prevented you from achieving exactly what you think you should have exactly as you think you should have, but you are headed in the right direction, and you have been from the start. Keep yourself open to God's will and you will succeed in this. God's will, not yours. You don't know the shape success will take, and you won't recognize it if you keep trying to mold your expectations rather than keep your eyes and ears open to truth.
Everything that has happened up until now is exactly the way it should have happened. You're not expected to be perfect, neither is your marriage - do you think a loving God would have us be married if it took perfection to be successful? Is there anything that can not be forgiven? Make your amends and forgive yourself, then start anew. It's all happening the way it should, the interpretation is left up to you. As you are is how you will see those around you, and how they will be.
Hang in there - this isn't the end of the ride - there are good times ahead!
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
OMGosh, ya'll. What a sweet gift to come home tonight and find so many nice replies and encouraging words. I have been nothing but amazed by the people who 'live' here with me on this board. Thank you so much.
I am in need of sleep, but things are tentatively improved and I am humbled and humiliated by what had to happen to get us here. I have been turned inside out over the last day and a half. I thought I was before, but I wasn't being completely real. I hope to be now.
I will post more (it will be spotty this week, as I work the next 2 days, and we will be out of town for the holiday) but wanted to not leave you hanging with no word at all. Thank you thank you for sticking around. I promise to keep you updated.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
