Oh Lou, the only good thing about hitting your head continuously against a brick wall is that it feels so good when you stop.
I'd switch the channel (by the power of my cerebral implant, of course) to the "Cyberdog Whisperer", which really was more relevant, anyway, considering it's about robotic b!tches.
Persuant to my post last night, most things went as planned.
I mostly said what I thought was the right thing to say and suggest what to do. It worked.
TV on the couch, foot rubs, then to bed and some PBTS, and then Pigs flew for a little while. I had one happy porker (an inside joke about a meat with quality traits) and I think BB like what I did to her .
Here is a visual http://www.hatfieldqualitymeats.com/about/history-1951.htm The inside information was why did the pig smile. He just used his little porker have sex with a sow. At the time we lived close to the meat packing plant and the trucks had the logo on all of the company trucks. We would see the trucks 500 miles from home when we went on vacation. The logo made the trucks easy to spot.
Nop I have a reply to your post but can't work on it right now. something called work calls.
Hi Everyone, been a bit. Lou the C that WE'RE seeing is a manipulative creature. Either that or we're damn lucky and he's just a jerk but its working. I'm talking about connecting, intimacy while my back is washed and he says, "What did you want? He (H assumed) washed your back! What do you want?" Me, "Connection, togetherness, a shared moment!" C, "He is connecting. He did what you wanted!" Me, "yea, I moved closer and he stopped. Maybe we are connecting!" C, "Yea, you scared him off."
Now I happen to think that if H got anyking of reaction/signal he did run. But, something in that exchange did something to H. Tell him he was being babyish or something. Cuz H has stepped up to the plate some and is not nearly as "you're picking on me!" "can't I do anything right?" and working with things better than in 10 years. (No, no congratulations in the ultimate embrace department are warrented, but a day-to-day kindness and warmth that hasn't been around for a LONG time.
So, the C says I'm scarring him off resulting in him staying around and yet I do nothin different, cept take the "cut". Yet he didn't say the C was picking on him/slamming him for being a baby. Yet I have called him on his sensitivity and not responding so often...Who's to say what will turn on the light?!
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
LostGal. Sounds like some movement is better than what wasn't going on.
he says, "What did you want? He (H assumed) washed your back! What do you want?" Me, "Connection, togetherness, a shared moment!" C, "He is connecting. He did what you wanted!" Maybe that was the c's way to say men don't get the connection between "doing the task" and the implied intent.
Maybe you have to tell your H "wash my back and kiss me while you are at it. Also cop a feel I want to see my in a strong man's hand again. Then your H knows what you want.
Oh, too strong! That is right I am the horney old guy on the forum.
things better than in 10 years. (No, no congratulations in the ultimate embrace department are warrented, but a day-to-day kindness and warmth (are there)that hasn't been around for a LONG time Well, that sounds like some progress.
Jill, I have been reading some of your thread and will say, after posting for a long time, it seems like I say the same things over and over again.
Girl I was worried about you for a long time after all of the dates you went on after your D. All of your post about jerks, nice guys but they just didn't do it for you, decent guys but you didn't have those feelings after a while. You saying that maybe love was somehow pass tense and maybe you were meant to be alone. I was worried you were going to the third side, neutral gender.
Then two guys stirred the desire in your heart. WOW, good for Jill. It was about time. She deserves someone to be happy with.
I can see why we both cut back on posting for many reasons. Me saying the same things over again and you finding that special someone.
Jill if I was in your position, I wouldn't find much to post about, except to support my cyber friends and maybe make a few points of advice about how to recognize small successes in relationships.
Funny how I had time when I was working but don't now. Sometimes the task expands to consume the available time. It happens to lost of so called retired folks.
Before my uncle died a trip to the drug store to pick up a prescription and a hair cut took up all of his day.
Be well Jill and hope you are soon to be out of snow country.
I did go to a Weight Watcher's type meeting and was quizzed about it, by BB. Her statement of several years ago that no one would want me didn't seem to be her attitude after I told BB all of the other attendee's were female. I went several times but was feeling like I was going for the social contact, more than the intent of the meetings.
I have considered something like the dance situation several times but didn't know how to approach the topic w/o looking like I was trying to have contact with females on the side but in the open.
I did ask BB about 6 months ago if she would be interested in dance lessons and joining a regular group. Nothing became of the idea.
Your wife has told you that other women wouldn't be interested in you. Let me tell you something; working, capable, and sexual men at your age are in high demand. At the time she said it, her comment hurt and I was worried part of it was true. Not anymore!
In reality, part of her comment was true. I don't spend a lot of money, so some female cohorts wouldn't like my lifestyle. But to some women my age, I would be the almost perfect partner. I know that more now than I did two years ago, so the "no woman would want me" is almost laughable now.
I will say the women on this forum helped me so much in an indirect way. After reading forums about women having no interest in sex and some of their stories about hot flashes, drier Virginias as they age, I was beginning to see a pattern in older women, that lead me to start thinking most women just wanted to hold hands and not do anything more.
After reading here about some women's feeling of abandonment, feeling somewhat useless, telling about their loneliness when not pursued, I saw that lack of sexual desires in a man are not that much fun in the man's and the woman's life. I started hearing how much other women wanted to be chased and held by their main man.
Reading the women's stories about what they missed and wanted, caused me to see the value in what I had and wanted. The longer I read, the more I saw myself and what I wanted as perfectly normal for me.
I also saw how coming from a place of great need, caused me to appear needy, not something that brings out a feminine response that I was looking for.
Many years ago, at social and church like functions, I use to suppress most, if not all of any male/female dynamics that I felt. It was drummed into the group members, I/they shouldn't have those feelings if they were good members.
While I don't flirt, I am not suppressing all of the male/female vibes when we do go out in a group. I think BB can see what is going on and might be seeing me for who I am, not the low value person she might have thought me to be. I think she sees other people seeing me as someone more worthwhile than she thought I was, and might be having second thoughts as to how valuable our R is to her.
Get out from under her. Stop chasing her. Grab your hat and suit, go out and just have a look for yourself at how many single women your age and younger are interested. I do see some women are looking. In church one woman asked me to bring some of my male friends because there were extra single women attending our AARP like group functions. I know a couple of guys, but they are almost anit-women so in a way understand how some women might feel like there aren't many good, working men to choose from. I see the supply/demand dynamics in some ways.
Let your wife chase you for a while. I get the point NOP. I am out from under her grip, the grip that I perpetuated by thinking more gets done with honey, than leadership, to a larger degree than several months ago. In some ways I gave up on the R being my way. That lead to me not feeling bad if BB wanted to go her way. That lead to me saying she could buy any patio home she wanted, anytime she did her own move, when she was throwing out the D word. I got to a point of feeling "fine, if that is what YOU/SHE wants" not out of mean spiritedness, but out of wanting something peaceful for me and something peaceful for her. I was getting to the un-fused state.
My next project for myself is how to do something like the dance situation w/o coming across like I am out looking for an OW or a string of "just friends females."
I am not into religion that heavy, and in fact have several thoughts about Christianity that would indicate me being rebellious of some of the core tenants. I totally get the ethics and the good will implied in most areas of faith circles and beliefs. Some of this faith stuff is a bigger mystery to me so I don't spout off as what I believe might be true. I am more the concrete, replicate it type guy from Missouri.
I did have a longer post, but mistakenly pasted two things to the word processor’s clipboard, the second thing erasing the first thing. The first thing was my longer reply.
I have considered something like the dance situation several times but didn't know how to approach the topic w/o looking like I was trying to have contact with females on the side but in the open.
My next project for myself is how to do something like the dance situation w/o coming across like I am out looking for an OW or a string of "just friends females."
I could be wrong, but my take on Nop’s advice was to make the impression on BB that you DID intend to make contact with other women. Stop being a scaredy cat (Mojo, does that fit in a box somewhere) and worrying whether you will make BB mad. Let her get mad, then SHE can do something to fix the marriage.
BTW, I would pay up BIG TIME on a new custom-fit suit, WAAAAAY out of your normal patterns.
Then your H knows what you want.
on the forum. 