Thank you all for your kind words...it just seems so impossible right now. I do believe the alien theory.....i just wished they had sent back a little green man instead of someone looking like my H.....and yes I have thought many times how much easier it would be if he had died. Shameful as that is to admitt.
He was out today to get something.....he said I know you hate me, i dont blame you.....I didnt let him off the hook that easy....I said I will always love you, I married you for life....I am just sorry you feel you have to treat me this way. I am sorry you cant see what is really happening to you.
His paranoia is increasing...spewing included me having "spies" everywhere knowing what he was doing.....I am ruining his reputation by spreading rumors.....people are slandering him becuase of me.....i quietly pointed out he was slandering him self with his actions.....i got that "seven heads" look. That blank look I am sure you all know it.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Lawyer says only way to slow down money flow is to file for D....I am heartbroken as this is NOT what I wanted. How do I get thru this?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
i arranged for a separation agreement to be drawn up. This legalises who has what out of the relationship and would be the basis for any D settlement. was not too expensive.
i did this purely to safeguard my own financial sit. if H decides he wants to D, then he can sort that - and pay for it.
i am UK. i would presume you have something similar over there?
I agree; a sep. agreement will protect you (it did for me) and is just like the divorce agreement...except you are NOT divorced. Just legally separated. If you feel you need to do something, maybe try for this first?
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
The lawyer said it would do everything a divorce would do and would cost as much and didnt recommend it except in religious cases......so I aheve the lawyer and my uncle saying D is the only way to go
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I know from personal experience a sep agreement is less than half the cost (basic fees) of divorce. I also have a roof over my head and other benefits that at one time i thought i would lose.
If you are in any doubt, seek further INDEPENDENT professional advice. No doubt your lawyer would prefer to proceed with a D, and your uncle is probably anxious about acheiving your financial security in the way offered as soon as possible.
Don't let yourself be pressed into initiating D if you aren't ready to.
Each state can be VASTLY different. But lawyers are lawyers. I interviewed two or three...they offered a free 30 minutes. Find a few that will do that...and don't sign with them before you've met the others on your list.
I was lucky that Sweetheart wasn't spending like an MLCer. And even if he had I'd have been more protected than most because we keep separate fincnes...actually I keep separate--I'm on his accounts and he isn't on all of mine. But there was just never money to spend...nothing he could go sell get cash...
I know I would have done neither a separation agreement or divorce...I'd have contested anything I could. Scary and rsiky, yes...but ti was part of the Stand I wanted to show for Sweetheart.
I don't recommend it though...most spend and spend with little or no thought.
Look up lawyers in the phone book or online...some willadvertise free time...visit them. Go with a list of questions. Be firm, tell the lawyer waht you want--ie you want to stay married...I wasn't thinking about financial wants.
