he did read some of the emails, still didnt' understand why I needed to know. He called me and we talked, and I got all my answers, I couldn't believe how easy they came, when I confronted him months ago and in the subsequent weeks it was half impossible to get him to agree to anything. We were done in 5 min, and a huge weight is off my heart, we talked in a civilized way and I made no accusations.
no more elephants in the room...
I've asked him what I needed to ask him and I hope lighting strikes me if I think of another question, I dont' want to relieve ow's memory ever again between us.
Ok, so it is going to be a somewhat happy anniversary even if he isnt here.
9yrs today
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Congrats! That's a very good sign, and I'm proud of you for handling it so well.
Quote: I couldn't believe how easy they came, when I confronted him months ago and in the subsequent weeks it was half impossible to get him to agree to anything.
Yep. Ya just got to give em some time and space, some dignity and respect, and it's amazing how the dynamics can change.
Now, think about how many things you think are impossible right now, but won't look impossible in a few more months, especially after many weeks of taking the DB high road
You sure are doing great! I'm so happy for you and proud of you.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
MY H AND I TALKED ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY TOO AND OMGOODNESS,, I FEEL SO MUCH LIGHTER TOO. STRANGE I JUST GOT ANSWERS THAT I NEEDED TOO AND IT WAS A LIGHT CONVO IT WENT NICE...
thanks guys,I felt soooo good, it's like both of us closed the door, together, to the whole ordeal and I can now move on much lighter...
but...
I still dont' buy the Vegas trip explanation, he told me it wasnt' planned as a trip with her --before you tell me "why does it matter now?" it is just that I dont' want any more lies. He insists that it was a failed group trip w/a group from work, yes, she was going too but at the last moment a bunch of them, her included were told to go on a job-related trip.
All the resevertations for shows and plane were for 2 people according to the card, when I asked him about the 1bedrm hotel he said he said he'd made all the reservations for his guy friend and himself and they were going to split the costs, and that the hotel was the only reserv. he didnt' make for the friend. I dont' get it, all those plans and it was w/his friend? Otherwise I believed everything else he said.
I want to believe him so bad, I need to know that the other ticket, the one he had to cancel was for his friend, if I get that info I will totally believe and won't even question him about a ring he'd bought at the time (he had an explanation for that one too, I've seen the ring, he has it)
I want to know that he told me the truth, I hope the ticket is under a guy's name, I sure hope so, I'm waiting on the airlines for that answer.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
If you don't want any more lies then at some point you also need to let him off the hook and don't put him in a position where he's likely to lie right now.
Yes, he shouldn't do it; yes, it's a problem and a character flaw.
However, why not just keep from making him squirm for a couple or 3 months and see how he grows during that time.
I think often we don't want to do that because, deep down, we're afraid they won't grow, won't change, won't come to those realizations. And they may not.
But in three months, depending on how things go, he may WANT to tell you those things...OR, it may not matter to you then.
If it does still matter, but you've had a good three months, he may feel more comfortable talking about it. He may also come to find that living an open, transparent, and honest life feels much better than lying about anything.
That may not work for you, or may be ignorant on my part, but it seems like it's worth a shot. Still his choice.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
you are right, I do put him on the spot and he can't handle being put in the interrogation chair.
He was so open w/me last night, so different from months ago, he has grown, he has picked up the pieces of himself from the mess of those 7mths, though he still agrees he has a hard time opening to people since he hanged with a bad bunch before and he made a bunch of stupid things.
I almost did make peace w/the fact the he planned the trip 4 her, I only asked what he planned to accomplish w/the trip since by then supposedly they had broken up. And at this point it I guess it doesnt matter, you are right. And he is still healing from hurracane MLC, and he's done so well. He drove 2hrs just to have dinner w/me, he msg me that he was glad to see me late a night, that's a huge huge improvement from a few months ago.
I guess I should just let it go, he's answer all my questions and I feel we are finally in the same pg, I can even taste it
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Quote: He drove 2hrs just to have dinner w/me, he msg me that he was glad to see me late a night, that's a huge huge improvement from a few months ago.
WOW! That's HUGE cat. Really huge. Makes my day!
Make sure that's not a cheeseless tunnel for HIM, that he gets rewarded with continued PMA, space and, well, anything else you can think of
I'm SO happy for you. You've paid your dues to get this far...onward and upward!
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
thanks hon, I read your post, man, I remember how many times you posted you felt dead inside and now
I also feel so good, eager to have my H home next week and just live life w/him over again, even the Vegas trip thing isn't cramping my happiness, we've come a long way huh?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I do put him on the spot and he can't handle being put in the interrogation chair. Think this applies to most of us... The WAS will be on the defensive mode whenever we query stuff about their A. Although we think that we are not accusing or interrogating, the WAS certainly feels that way.
I only asked what he planned to accomplish w/the trip since by then supposedly they had broken up.
Sometimes they tell you that they've broken up or they think that they've broken up. But because of their "addiction", they feel that they need to RUN back to the op. Or, they want to shield you from more hurt and pain (as they do not realise that lying is worse... BUT knowing too much details of the truth will also hurt. ...we can't win, can we? )
And at this point it I guess it doesnt matter, Yup...doesn't matter. What matters is he is with you now!! (I should drill this into my own head too!! )
